Today, boys and girls, our topic is: Grooming. Yes, the capital letter is audible: Grooming.
Now, I realize that some of you groom (i.e., shower, brush teeth and hair, wear deodorant), but do not Groom. Again, the capital letter is audible. Say it with me, now: Grooming.
Grooming: (v) the process of removing hair from (Oh, my God! You mean I have hair THERE?!?!) various parts of one’s body through the use of assorted (often painful ~ ouch! *@#$!) methods. [See also: torture, masochism, and insanity, which can be found under subheading: ‘exercises in futility’.]
I engage in a variety of body hair removal activities on a regular (read: hourly) basis. Razors and wax and tweezers, oh my! Mr. Fever finds my fastidiousness fascinating…or maybe it’s just the fact that he gets excited when he hears me yelling, “fuck, Fuck, FUCK!” while I rip the wax strip off a particularly tender morsel of skin… Perhaps he thinks all the “FUCK!”-ing is an invitation…?
Anywhoo…
Occasionally I wonder if anyone else in the universe is a fuzzy bunny too. (Or a Wookie? Ewok? Maybe I’m an E-wookie! Lol.) Or maybe I’m the only one, having been born into a family that has the bad luck to be genetically predisposed to resemble a horde burmese monkeys. My ancestors were bearded warriors after all…and that was just the women! (Talk about wearing your hair in braids! Chin hairs, that is.)
Sigh…
For anyone else who engages in these ridiculous rituals, I salute you!
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Fun Fact: Marilyn Monroe had a fine layer of hair that covered her entire face and body. That’s why her skin appeared to glow, especially in black and white photographs.
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So next time that wax strip goes rriiiip, think of the great MM (not to be confused with M&Ms…that’s another issue entirely) and become one with the pain. Or you can let it all hang out (sprout out?)… Just channel Marilyn and keep your chin up…but make sure your tweezers and mirror are handy while your chin is in the air so you can pluck any wild hairs you see there.
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Now: Where the hell are my tweezers?
Anything beats an epilady ! lol
I have more hair than ever before, but still consider myself blessed to have it in all the right places. 🙂 (I have long hair and a thick beard, but not much around my chest, although the more I get, the greyer it gets. **sigh**
I don’t mind a little pain once in a while, but I prefer to combine it with pleasure. So an Epilady is OUT for me! Ouchouchouchouchouch! Lol. When it comes to removing my body hair by the roots, I opt for wax. (No, not *there*…OW!) So what if it hurts like a sumbitch and my skin resembles a plucked chicken afterward? It’s smoooooth. 😉
The Mister does not look his age, which is in part due to the fact that he’s married to me (grin) and also in part due to the fact that he still has a full head of hair. That hair is *just* starting to gray the tiniest bit at the temples. He, like you, seems to only have hair in the right places, which sometimes makes me insanely jealous. The hair on his chest (which is minimal) is white though, not gray. So I’m betting he’ll have a full head of white hair one day.
My wife used to pull the gray hairs out of my beard. If she did that now I would look like I have mange. Remember that when pulling “Wild” hairs. I have beard trimmers that have attachments for ear and nose hairs. I’m one of those unfortunates whose hair moves from the top of the head to the ears, nose. I did see a cute comic once. A woman was talking to her friend and the husband was sitting in a chair. He was bald on top with the word “Shit” tattooed to the top of his head. The wife says, “Harold had that done when he was young and had a full head of hair.”
Harold sounds like a real shithead. 😛