No Comments on Classified

I had a fascinating conversation this evening with one of my friends that got me thinking about our various and respective kinks and about what it is we’re all (in the general, applies-to-everyone kind of way) looking for in life, love, and parodies of the above. ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What do I want?’ are two questions worth asking ourselves. They are, no doubt, two questions that come up when one is immersed in the dating scene. Particularly the online dating scene, where ‘personal’ ads are sometimes… Well. Damned personal.

So I’m curious: When it comes to sex, how succinctly can you answer?

My friend knows herself pretty well. She knows what she wants, even if she thinks it doesn’t exist. You see… Unfortunately, men with 9 inch cocks aren’t typically into CBT. I wonder why that is? I mean, there are plenty of women with 40DDs who are into nipple torture. It only seems logical that the size concept (which reminds me of a question I’ve been meaning to ask…if women who like large equipment are considered size queens, does that mean men who like big tits are size kings?) would apply to the opposite sex as well… Hmmm. Maybe it does, but it’s just not *apparent*…

Apparently, it will take some time to get this issue sorted out. Meanwhile, if any of you gentlemen happen to be sporting a 9-inch package and have acquired a taste for pain, please let me know. I will forward news of your existence to my freaky (and I mean that in the nicest way) friend. Particularly if you are over 25 (that way I’ll know your head is fully formed), in good shape (wouldn’t want you to have a heart attack during play time), and have a preference for big-breasted (holy mother of God!), beautiful (seriously: abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous…my husband has a HUGE crush on her) women. If you happen to excel at ‘wet’ things, that would be a plus. (I’ll just leave *that* open to your own primally vivid imaginations.)


Back to the question(s): Who are you? And what do you want?

I, for one, can answer in 40 words or less, which means I’d get a special rate if I was using my local newspaper’s classified ads:

Good Girl-next-door with inner cock slut seeks kinky sex with thick-dicked men. Spanking experience preferred; T&D optional. Additional terms negotiable. Must have strength, stamina, and personality. Sense of humor required. Men who fear emotional connectedness need not apply.

How’s THAT for a ‘want’ ad? 😉


Want to give it a try? In 40 words or less?
Who are you?

And what do you want?


I suppose the simple answer would be, “That’s Classified.” 😉

0 thoughts on “Classified

  1. furbal1972

    9″ cock? Check.

    CBT? I’m open to it. (According to Google’s definitional.)

    Pain? No thanks. 🙁 Sorry, that’s the deal-breaker.

    I’m not “thick” either. (I’m “just right”. lol)



    1. mrsfever Post author

      Check? (Picking my chin up off the floor) Check.

      Check, check. Check, one two. Is this thing on? Yes? (Deeeep Breath) HOLY FUCK, FURBAL! Aren’t you just full of fun surprises? 😉

      CBT = Cock and Ball Torture, *not* Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. So you might want to read that definition again, because it definitely involves pain… Of the erotic variety.

      I’m going to make sure my friend reads your response, dude. Especially because the friend of whom I speak is one I ‘found’ at the friend-finding place.


      I realize we all have our genetic diadvantages, but… As for the ‘thick’ issue? Let’s just say I’m *NOT* into equipment that resembles a No. 2 pencil. Lol.

  2. The Varied God

    CBT? Really? I had to look it up too. Come on, there are people who enjoy that? I’ve always said I would try anything once (and have done so), but some things, I donno. I read a lot of anthropology, and in certain cultures there is still the practice of subincision–piercing the penis to let the blood flow from it for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s done in the sea, so the blood washing into the ocean somehow ceremonially mimics childbirth. But whenever I read about it I cringe. Even typing this makes me a little faint.

    Can’t put me into 40 words or less, sorry, though notes towards the project would include a healthy appreciation for multi-orgasmic partners (coupled with a willingness to do what it takes to sustain the tendency) and a strong exhibitionist streak . . . but that doesn’t separate me from many people, does it?

    1. mrsfever Post author

      Yes, CBT. (For the record? Not my thing.) The whole ‘pain is pleasure’ concept doesn’t ONLY apply to female subs, you know. BDSM is, like yourself, varied in its concepts and practices. I don’t know how far she goes with her playthings… But I recall there being a very specific admission of wanting to use a belt on a specific man’s cock. Do with that information what you will. 😉

      And I love your play on words: exhibitionist…streak… Lol.

  3. Bill

    Actually it comes down to brain chemistry. And like adrenaline junkies the ones I’ve known they keep pushing the envelop further and further until they end up injured.

    And that’s always so embarrassing, You got a corkscrew stuck where?

    Guys often suffer from the same malady when it involves spicy food.


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