No Comments on Grief

My vision is blurred through a haze of tears, and as each sears my cheek, my heart echos the hot cascade in slow wrenching drips.  It’s as if a thousand tiny paper cuts have sliced the top layer of my soul, and the burning flames of this bleeding crimson waterfall will not wash this hurt away.  And though it’s her suffering that must be eased, she senses my distress, and she is the one who is comforting me.

It’s okay.  It’s time.  You’re doing the right thing.

I’m doing the right thing.

I’m doing the right thing.

My mantra does not relieve this rending, but I repeat it anyway.

I’m doing the right thing.


I am doing the right thing.

Dog Tired

I’m doing the right thing.

But God damn, it hurts.

0 thoughts on “Grief

  1. deviant wench

    Oh, honey. I’m so, so sorry. This sucks, this always sucks, even when it is exactly the right thing–the ONLY thing–to do for the creature you love.

    ::hugs:: to you and your girl. 🙁

  2. seriousseamus

    Damn. This post busted me up. I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I could offer more comfort than those words. Hope you find some peace and solace in time. Take care of yourself.

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I couldn’t help but let my imagination wander a moment, wondering *exactly* what kind of comfort you’d provide, Seamus. Even though it was inadvertent, you turned my frown upside down when I most needed it. So thank you for making me smile. I needed it.

      The hardest part of choosing to walk through an animal’s life with them is walking together through their death.

      Peace and solace… She needs it ~ and deserves it ~ much more than I. So I repeat my mantra, and I stay this course. Scheduling with vet was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. We have four days left together; I will make every second of every one of those days count. I keep hoping I’ll find peace and solace in the fact that I’m helping my girl find hers. Meanwhile, my sorrow is mitigated by the many happy memories her presence has provided.

  3. williamsjoel22

    🙁 <— very sad… (((HUG)))… You know, sometimes the "right thing"
    to do, is not always the "easy thing" to do….We all share Your pain…
    I'm going to go outside now and throw a doggy treat over the fence to my neighbors dog just because….

  4. wildoats1962

    One of the biggest downsides to having a pet is knowing that you will probably live longer than them. My dog that I had from age seven {my age} until he died on my 20th birthday. He was a Malamute. He went deaf and one day walked in front of the milk truck.

    I forget what magazine it was, but it was rating cats, dogs, and various animals as pets. Interestingly enough the Galapagos Tortoise rated quite high. It didn’t show much affection, but longevity was one of their criteria and the Galapagos Tortoise lives about 200 years. Lonesome George died last year and Darwin had taken him to England.

    One of the things people don’t often consider when they think of living a very very long life is that all your contemporaries will be gone before you.

    I don’t want to bring you down any more so I’ll shut up and just say <>


    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I’m sorry about your Malamute, Wild. That’s a heart-rending way to lose a precious pet.

      I’ve had animals all my life. She is not the first I’ve had to take this final journey with. But having done it before doesn’t make it any easier to do it again.

      My brothers used to have a turtle. He ate goldfish and his tank was STINKY. Bleh. They used to take him outside for ‘sun time’ when the weather was nice. But, being my brothers, they lost track of him one day (you’d think three lazy human pubescent males could keep track of one stinky slow-ass turtle, but noooo…) while he was sunning himself, and we never saw him again after that.

      I don’t think about my own longevity much. The majority of my friends are older than me though ~ some, significantly so ~ and I do sometimes wonder if I will be all alone in my old age because of that. A selfish thought, I suppose. But an honest one.

  5. Bill

    Hearing about your brothers reminded me of a comic strip. Robotman was just kind of so-so most of the time, but he did the occasional really good joke. Robotman and friend are watching a turtle and he says, “If it was scared of us it would run away.” The turtle’s thought balloon says, “I’ve been running away for half an hour but nobody’s noticed.” In the last panel his thought balloon is, “If only I wasn’t running against continental drift I’d make them eat my dust.”


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