THAT is what the Mister said to me last night after giving me two orgasms.
(I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.)
Laying back against the pillows, half asleep from work-day exhaustion and work-night (heh) exertion, my husband turned to me, and in a drowsy voice said, “I want a Mnum-Num.”
I want a Mnum-Num.
I know married people tend to speak their own universal (as in, a universe for two) language, but introducing me to new vocabulary during post-orgasmic midnight bliss is generally not the way our dual dictionary develops.
Unsure I’d heard him correctly, I sought clarification. “You want a Meow-Meow?”
“NO.” (Insert much-put-upon sigh here.) “I already played with your kitty.”
I want a Mnum-Num,” he continued. “MmmNuhm. Num.”
I want a Mnum-Num.
Temporarily blindsided by nightmare visions of millions of mini-me’s grabbing me with their grubby hands and demanding Cheerios, I had to stave off a panic attack before I could properly reply to his demand. (Which, by the way, should have been a request. Hmph!) Completely bewildered, I choked out my question between snorts. “And what the heck,” I asked, “is a Mnum-Num?”
“You know what I mean,” he replied.
Um, no. No, I really don’t.
“It’s that mouth-hand-suck-stroke thing you do so well.”
(Insert pause for hysterical giggling fit here.)
When my peels of laughter subsided, I said, “There’s just one thing I need to know before we get on with this Mnum-Num business.”
“Hmmm?” (Roughly translated, this means “I’ll tell you anything you want to know if you’ll just pleeeaaaase, pleasepleaseplease lavish some attention on my cock.”)
“Why on earth,” I inquired, “Did you decide this mouth-hand-suck-stroke thing is called a ‘Mnum-Num’?”
“Well,” he explained with semi-awake (and fully-erect) surety, “That’s the sound you make when you do it.”
“That’s what you sound like.”
“So,” he requested, “Can I have a Mnum-Num?”
Ahhh… That’s more like it. Almost, anyway.
“Not until you say the magic word.”
He tried again. “Can I please have a Mnum-Num?”
“Not that magic word.”
“May I please,” he tried again, “have a Mnum-Num, Duchess?” (‘Duchess’ is akin to ‘Mistress’ in our household… I really don’t have time to explain it further right now.)
Close enough. Mnum-Num it is.