If you are easily offended, go away. Come back when you have a sense of humor.

Also, there’s boobs.  Because Dave over at Normal Deviations inspired this post with his lightbulb moment, and he totally likes boobs.

So this post is NSFW and Read At Your Own Risk and all that jazz.

I Don’t Have ADD; I Just Do Mental Gymnastics

I whipped out my phone (which is supposed to be smart, but is mostly dumb) while wandering one day to take a picture of a T-shirt sporting this slogan:

ADD

Then I sent the picture to my friend, who said, “You need to buy that shirt!”

Apparently, he thinks I have ADD.  Hunh.  Not sure why…

I mean, it *might* be because when he says things like, “I want Mexi Coke,” I reply with, “She was pissing a circle around you, dude.”  Which, to the uninitiated, may seem to be two completely unrelated sentiments.  While, in reality…  Those are two completely unrelated sentiments.  But that’s okay!  Because on the level we communicate, it always makes perfect sense!  It DOES!

Oh, shut up.  It so does.

I mean, I totally do NOT have ADD.

I just…

Do mental gymnastics.

Never did understand what everyone thought was so awesome about Mary Lou Retton.

Also never understood why I should eat Wheaties for breakfast, especially when Cocoa Puffs were available.  Because Wheaties taste like chalk.

Wow, I wish I had some chocolate right now.

Oooh, I know!  I should bake a pie!

Wow, I totally need to buy new batteries for my vibrator.

Oh, are you still here?  Sorry.  The mind wanders.

This post has been brought to you by flash-free phone photography:

They say the camera adds ten pounds. It's true. Objects in photo are smaller than they appear.

They say the camera adds ten pounds. It’s true. Objects in photo are smaller than they appear.

Additional sponsors include the number three (3), because that’s how many times I got up to do other stuff during the writing of this post; the letter B, because that’s my cup size; and the song “Fuzzy”, just…  Because.

Oh, and in case you were wondering?  I *do* like cake.

0 thoughts on “If you are easily offended, go away. Come back when you have a sense of humor.

  1. NormalDeviations

    This got a deep, ear-shattering laugh from me. Awesomeness. 😉

    You did forget one step though… did you know that some people eat chalk willingly?!

    Ps. Your boobs rock. No room for discussion. Period.

    Err. Wait. Ummm… need to see more… before I can… state that with… surety.

    😉

    Reply
      1. NormalDeviations

        Ah ha! Another ADD-trait (or perhaps Dave trait) is having a mind like a steel sieve. While I can’t remember how old I am (literally, at certain times during the year) I have a vast pool of useless knowledge.

        I’m guessing you’ve heard of Pica Syndrome. A few years ago, Crayola changed their recipe for chalk and Pica folks went ape shit. They would wage war on eBay to purchase old school chalk for consumption.

        There’s your useless Dave-trivia for the day. 😉

        Hmmmm. I’m leaning towards olidifying my declaration about how rockin’ your boobs are as being accurate… but I can nudge/encourage/coax for more without breaking the rules… right? 😉

        Reply
        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          Note to Self: Take more photos of your ta-tas for Wanton Wednesday. Lol.

          Yeah, I’ve heard of Pica. Gives whole new meaning to the insult, “Eat dirt.” Bleh.

          Reply
  2. filledandfooled

    Mexi coke, real sugar, yum. Unless we are talking another type of coke, and I wouldn’t know anything about that. And she pissed circles that is impressive. And I like cake too, but I don’t make it with chalk. And speaking of chalk, you can draw circles around people and make them pissed, but if they are drinking mexi cock (wait, I mean coke) then they are going to be high on sugar and be happy.

    Hmmm maybe I can follow the thoughts of a person with ADD, but that stream of consciousness typing is fucking hard! And nice tits!

    Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Mexi Coke is awesome! Corn syrup is poison, and people don’t even know they are addicted to it because it’s in everything. I’ve eliminated it from my diet entirely, so I rarely drink soda, but when I do, I only consume the kinds that are made with cane sugar. Which Mexi Coke is. LOVE it.

      OMG, she totally pissed circles around him. This guy is like my BEST friend, and he attracts crazy women like a trailer park attracts tornadoes. It’s ridiculous.

      I like to play with chalk. I’m a sidewalk artist from way back. I can draw a stick figure like nobody’s business. Move over Jackson Pollack, here I cum!

      Erm… What did you say about fucking hard? I could use a good hard fucking right about now…

      :: wanders away in pursuit of cock ::

      Reply
      1. filledandfooled

        Um, did we get separated at birth Twinsie? I will meet you in aisle 3, cock aisle. And I’m not sure I’m spelling that right, but I mean, lets go shopping for some cock. Oh shit I think you meant coke….

        Reply
          1. filledandfooled

            I’ve been told its your husband’s semen, I mean my husband’s, he was the one who told me. Mine that is, I really don’t know your husband or whether his cum will cure my headache, but mine likes to tell me HIS is a cure-all. Now that I’ve made him sound like a dick…um I need an orgasm because that is a perfect cure for foot in mouth.

          2. Mrs Fever Post author

            Or you could just replace your foot with his cock. Your husband’s, that is, not mine. My husband’s, I mean.

            As opposed to my husbands, which is a separate issue entirely. Why anyone would want more than one husband is beyond me. Although, I suppose it would be one way of ensuring that the lawn gets mowed. (And no, I don’t mean that metaphorically.) Multiple cocks is one thing; multiple commitments is quite another.

            Plus, I can barely keep up with the laundry from one husband.

            But the multiple orgasms might be worth the trade-off.

            Hmmm… Something to ponder…

    2. NormalDeviations

      I have nothing useful to add to this conversation, yet I’ll state I’m enjoying it immensely for some reason and… continue, please, if it isn’t played out. 😉

      Ps. G – your ability to follow the train of thought when it comes to ADD-nutty people is pretty fucking impressive already. FYI.

      Reply
  3. deviant wench

    They’re definitely bigger than pebbles. Pebbles are, at most, A cups. If you’re a B, you’re at LEAST river-rock size. 😉

    (And whatever the hell size they are, they look good)

    Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Ha! I like that. I’m gonna remember it next time I go bra shopping.

      I don’t need an over-the-shoulder boulder holder…

      I just need something that will retain my river rocks! 😀

      Reply
  4. wildoats1962

    Chalk up another one. I used to have a friend that was a clean freak. Every time I called her or went over to her place she was in the tub. And that is better than someone who doesn’t pay enough attention to hygiene, but, if I wasn’t right there when she got out of the tub she would douse herself with baby powder. It doesn’t taste good. I got her to at least switch to talc. Still not the best tasting, but better than baby powder.

    Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Ah yes, Pica. Never really thought about baby powder and talc as being part of that category, but they kind of are, aren’t they?

      I cover myself in lotion when I get out of the tub. I asked mi esposo once if he could taste it, and he muttered something that sounded like, “Mmmph.” Of course, my nipple was in his mouth at the time…

      Reply

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