So Watcha Want?

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So today is Monkey’s birthday.  (Those of you who don’t know Monkey, should.  He likes boobs and thinks I give good head.  😀 )  Monkey claims that if you add together the numbers of his age, you will get 7.

Which means now I am faced with a conundrum:  What does one give a 70 year old Birthday Monkey?

He tends to wax (heh) rhapsodic about pretty pussy, and he’s into Japanimation.  So I thought he might like one of these:

anime cate

But then I remembered that he already has a chastity cat, so I decided perhaps something a little more traditional might be in order.

Like, a gimp:

Nate's gimp

Gimps make great gifts.  Or so I’m told.  I’ve never asked my gimp to make a great gift for me.  Hmmm.  Perhaps I should add that to the gimp chore list.  Go forth, gimp!  Make me great gifts!  Heh.


I digress.

Anyway, I would *like* to give Monkey a gimp, because I know he really wants one.  But gimps don’t generally come with a very good return policy, so he should probably pick out his own.  Wouldn’t want him to be stuck with a gicky gimp.

Back to square one.


Monkey likes women.  He particularly likes happy, wet women.  Perhaps something like this would be to his taste:

swimming monkey

I wonder if there’s room for Mrs Monkey to wrap around the other side…?  Something to consider.  Would make for an interesting threesome I suppose.

Heh.  Speaking of threesomes…

deer threesome

Oh, deer.


You know who else likes threesomes?  Dave.  Perhaps a Dave quote would be appropriate to interject at this juncture.  Let me see if I can find one…

How about this one?

Life ain’t nothing but chickens and money…and cheese.  And pizza.  And macro formulas.  And conditioner.

~ Dave

Conditioner can be a fine substitute for lube in the shower, by the way.  But only for anal sex.

Um, I digress.


Back to the Birthday Monkey.

What to do?  What to do?

I know!  I know!  I know!

BEASTIE BOYS.  (Brass Monkey, yo.)  AND PONIES.  (Monkey is a brony, yo.)

Slam dance to this, Monkey:


(Anyone else who has gifts for Monkey, please feel free to leave them in the comments section.  😉 )

Legalese:  All photos hijacked from the interwebs.

0 thoughts on “So Watcha Want?

  1. Ankoku1331

    How did you know that is my favorite Beastie Boys song and with PONIES! SQUEALLLLL! 😀 I do not have a Chastity Cat with a melon on it’s head. I wonder if Chastity Cat accessories is an untapped market. While I appreciate the monkey swim I don’t know if I am strong enough of swimmer to keep all of us from going belly up. This is the best blog birthday gift EVER!. Thank you so much. 😀

  2. NormalDeviations

    Happy birthday, Nate! Of course, I had to come out of my shell and get you something.

    Nothing as fine as Feve’s birthday wishes for you, but I figured something perfect for you – a new recipe!

    To a better year than the last one, and always – boooooooooobs! 😉

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  4. Bill

    Happy B-day Nate! On my next one I’ll add up to 7 also. Mrs Fever does bring up {heh} interesting things doesn’t she. Definitely inspiring to rise to the occasion. Haven’t been around much lately {not true, I am entirely too round}.

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