So today is Monkey’s birthday. (Those of you who don’t know Monkey, should. He likes boobs and thinks I give good head. 😀 ) Monkey claims that if you add together the numbers of his age, you will get 7.
Which means now I am faced with a conundrum: What does one give a 70 year old Birthday Monkey?
He tends to wax (heh) rhapsodic about pretty pussy, and he’s into Japanimation. So I thought he might like one of these:
But then I remembered that he already has a chastity cat, so I decided perhaps something a little more traditional might be in order.
Like, a gimp:
Gimps make great gifts. Or so I’m told. I’ve never asked my gimp to make a great gift for me. Hmmm. Perhaps I should add that to the gimp chore list. Go forth, gimp! Make me great gifts! Heh.
Anyway, I would *like* to give Monkey a gimp, because I know he really wants one. But gimps don’t generally come with a very good return policy, so he should probably pick out his own. Wouldn’t want him to be stuck with a gicky gimp.
Back to square one.
Monkey likes women. He particularly likes happy, wet women. Perhaps something like this would be to his taste:
I wonder if there’s room for Mrs Monkey to wrap around the other side…? Something to consider. Would make for an interesting threesome I suppose.
Heh. Speaking of threesomes…
You know who else likes threesomes? Dave. Perhaps a Dave quote would be appropriate to interject at this juncture. Let me see if I can find one…
How about this one?
Life ain’t nothing but chickens and money…and cheese. And pizza. And macro formulas. And conditioner.
Conditioner can be a fine substitute for lube in the shower, by the way. But only for anal sex.
Um, I digress.
Back to the Birthday Monkey.
What to do? What to do?
I know! I know! I know!
BEASTIE BOYS. (Brass Monkey, yo.) AND PONIES. (Monkey is a brony, yo.)
Slam dance to this, Monkey:
😀 HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 😀
(Anyone else who has gifts for Monkey, please feel free to leave them in the comments section. 😉 )
Legalese: All photos hijacked from the interwebs.