S & M

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{Emphasis Mine}

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It seems we are motivated more by pain than pleasure. In that, what hurts us makes us want to avoid being hurt; thus we are motivated to avoid being hurt.

~ Tocksin

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And so we sing the blues while we build our castles in the air…

…with masochistic forbearance of the heart.

0 thoughts on “S & M

  1. jayne

    That is so true. We avoid pain, rather than seek pleasure if pain is an obstacle. btw – Tony Robbins ( Banana Hands as called in Shallow Hal) does a whole speak on that very dynamic.

      1. Mrs Fever Post author

        It simply means that the portions in bold were made bold by me. The original author did not emphasize those phrases; I did, in order to be somewhat transparent in my thought process. I did the same thing here. I cannot be responsible for the writer’s intent; I can only be intentional about the way I present their words. If that makes sense. :]

        1. jayne

          I get it – all of my misunderstandings here are your fault cuz you didn’t bold the right words. Now I know who to blame! Bwahahahaha
          just kidding. I laughed because – there’s NO way to stop interpretations of readers.

          1. jayne

            Yes – we are so revealing in what we won’t say, won’t examine, won’t answer. I love that stuff. I like asking people questions from the back end or from the inside out.

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      And we make decisions ~ particularly in relationships, where our emotions complicate our realities ~ based on this principle, rather than on what is best or most true to ourselves and our needs. Perhaps because ~ to piggyback on the conversation from my previous post ~ it is so risky to be vulnerable.

      1. jayne

        I think that hits the nail on the head of relationship fuckery and dismantling. Of course it’s painful to be vulnerable…damn, and then tie that risk of that vulnerability to the loss of the very person you believe to be your own personal treasureland – I see it as a continual rivalry between truth and ego…BUT the trick is to know where you can bend or knowing what you can give up and still be “true to yourself”. I’m depressed just thinking about it. I think I might need Dave and kindle!

        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          And yet, from a different perspective…

          If we take the risk ~ make the choice ~ to be vulnerable… To be open and honest and true… If we do that – intentionally – from the beginning, we can build strong relationships. It means not taking the easy way out. It means communicating, and being fully ourselves. It is difficult. It is damned difficult. But it is worth it.

          1. jayne

            YES – YES – YES I wholeheartedly believe that and try to live it. It only works with others who think this way too and who don’t shut down in the midst of emotional upheaval or simple adversity in smoothing disagreements out, right? Getting through the slight or deep turmoil is the battle. To have both sides come out “enlightened” and not closed or hurt is the hardest part for me. Choosing the words to get through to the other person – or not, and maintaining truth in my own reactions by being able to discern which are real truths and which are egotistical is where the work is for me. Then to talk – Damn hard work…but like you said, worth it. It’s an awesome feeling to get through that with another person.

          2. Mrs Fever Post author

            There is a repeated refrain in a song I listen to often, that – for me – effectually highlights this concept, and I (of course) throw my own spin on it in terms of maturation of communication in relationships.

            …being in love is harder than I ever coulda known…

            …grown up love is harder than I ever coulda known…

            …REAL love is harder than I ever coulda known…

            Damn hard work, indeed.

  2. wildoats1962

    At times language can be a limiting factor, both in terms of communicating with a partner and in coming to terms with your own emotions. Learning what your own feelings are involves being honest with yourself. That is not always easy. If you can’t be honest with yourself you can’t really be fully honest with someone else. For some reason the term “Self-actualizing” comes to mind. Also I’m reminded that, Neurotics build castles in the sky, Psychotics move in, Counselors redecorate, Therapists charge rent.

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I might be a neurotic therapist, in need of a counselor. Psychotics need not apply.

      The thing about coming to terms with your own emotions is that you have to allow yourself to feel them, and to think about them in constructive ways. If I feel a certain way – good or bad – I want to get to the bottom of that feeling, soak it in, recognize it for what it is. And I want to know why I feel that way. What is causing it? Is it “real” or is it masking something else? Anger, for example, often masks pain or disappointment; anger, therefore, is often not allowed as an emotional descriptor in certain types of rehabilitation therapy. It’s the easy way out. It’s much easier to be angrier at someone than to admit that you are hurt.