I am miserable. And you can too!

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Let’s consider this the equivalent of a drunk text.  Except I’m sick, not drunk.  And this is not a text, it’s a tapped-out-on-my-dumbfone (no, my phone is NOT smart, not.at.all) blog entry.

You know that feeling when every sphincter muscle in your body is contracting, and your stomach is roiling from the water you just put in it, and you can’t breathe through your nose but the whole mouth-breathing thing gives you gag reflex?

No?

Hmmm…

Well, let me tell you:  It’s miserable.

I’m miserable.  🙁

And I have to keep my brain occupied while I am involuntarily awake at this ungodly hour, so as not to focus overmuch on the acid churning in my stomach or on the fierce gymnastics competition taking place in my intestines.  Therefore, I blog.

I am miserable, therefore I blog.

Heh.  I wonder if WordPress is looking for a new slogan.  😛

Alka Seltzer, take me away…

Oh.  Woops, that’s Calgon.

Heaven knows I could use a bath.  I’m a little *sick* of spending time in the bathroom though.  Literally.

I thought I was over this.  (Insert imagined much-put-upon sigh, here.  I can’t give you a *real* put-upon sigh right now, though I’d like to.  Because, vomit.  Such ucky!  WOW!)

I got sick on Christmas night.

I usually spend Christmas night engaged in much more jolly activities, letmetellya.

But not THIS Christmas!

Nope.

Whole lotta nope.

Because I got sick.

I spent 21 of the following 36 hours sleeping.  Once every ounce of food-type substance had exited my body, that is.

I figured it was either food related or I had some kind of 24 hour bug.  Yesterday passed without incident.  I thought I was better.

I.  Am NOT.  Better!

Second verse, worse than the first.

Misery.

I think there was a song by that title^ a few years back.  I’d sing it for you, except it’s a bit too post-neo-garage-band-angst for my taste.

I do sing, you know.  Randomly and enthusiastically, with or without cause.  And not just in the shower.

And when I can’t remember the lyrics, I make them up.  Or hum.

Upfugh.

I am going to attempt to sleep.  I think the worst is over.

Thanks for keeping me company.  Misery lives company, you know.  ;)+

I hope your night is much better than mine.  <3

Feve, out.

0 thoughts on “I am miserable. And you can too!

  1. Jamie Ray

    Sounds like what I got once while in India. Most important thing is to stay hydrated (gatorade or orange soda work for me) and not eat anything else until you are in the clear for 24 hours. Ick.
    Hope you feel better.

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Orange soda sounds incredibly appealing right now, actually. I’ve been concerned about dehydration because, at this point, I can’t even keep water down. Maybe my body will be more accepting of Fanta. Thank you for the suggestion. I’ll ask my spouse to pick some up on his way home today. In the meantime, my options are Snapple and orange juice.

      My mother used to give me 7-Up and Saltines when I was sick. I don’t have such grown-up invalid items in my stores. Perhaps I can substitute orange juice and snickerdoodles.

      The weirdest thing about this bug is that even though I feel like hell, I’m hungry. I think you’re right though. I will try not to eat anything until I’m in the clear for 24 hours.

      Meanwhile, I’m going back to bed.

      1. basdenleco

        You are more than welcome blossom as I have worked many times in remote parts of the world so an upset stomach is not pleasant and can be dangerous if not treated promptly.
        The truism in life is one doe not trust a fart when over seas.

        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          Haha! So true. Levity. The world could use more of it, that’s for sure! 😉 You shouldn’t make me laugh like that though – my insides are too tender to take it!

          As long as my imagination is still active, I figure I’m cure-able. I had the thought last night that perhaps I’d contracted mad cow disease via my olfactory system, since my hubby stunk up the house making hamburgers right before this bout of horribleness began. 😛

  2. wildoats1962

    I blame my coworkers. I told one of them to take it back I didn’t want it. I had taken a week off for vacation and spent the first three days in bed, with no fun! Then my wife got sick too. She’s still sick {and it’s her birthday today}. Mine was mostly respiratory. Lots of coughing, then I increased the humidity setting on my BiPAP and periodically blew what looked like wet rubber bands out my nose. Looked really really gross but the thought of that being in my lungs made me glad to cough, sneeze, and blow it out. I’m still not 100% over it, but real close. I keep some 7Up around just for upset stomachs.

    Hope you get better feels soon 😉

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Rubber bands?!

      *choke-laughing*

      I’m glad you’re feeling better, Wild. And that you got a vacation, even if you were sick for part of it. 🙂

  3. Ann St. Vincent

    Goodness that sucks and I can totally commiserate. A good thing if you are worried about dehydration is to use Pedialyte or something similar. It’s for children who are sick but the benefit over gatorade is there is less junk and sugar in it.

    And that rubber band comment made me gag. Yum!

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