Now, to answer the Breast Question.

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I have been asked variations on this question often.

This answer is obviously personalized, but I read something about breast play today that made me smile in its accuracy and I purposely went looking for this email exchange afterward because, well…  Because.

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From my email archives…

So what precisely and in detail, would you like someone to do with your nipples (assuming you are already at that point of arousal where you welcome it)?

I don’t know if this is true for all females or if it’s just a Me Thing, but I have to already be aroused before I can tolerate attention to my breasts.  And then it really depends on my mood.  There’s no perfect formula when it comes to tantalizing those two little (and they are little ~ barely a B cup) mounds of flesh.  However, there are some things in general that are important to know if you (well, not *you* specifically) want to engage in nipple play with me.

I tend to protect my core, so perhaps that’s why I feel this way, but…

No sneak attacks. I don’t like to be grabbed suddenly or pinched (no pinching or twisting!) out of the blue.  I also don’t like to experience immediate suction on my nipples without any regard to the rest of my body.

That said…

Provided I’m already at a point of arousal where I welcome it…

I like soft (but not too soft ~ I’m ticklish!), confident (as opposed to firm; I bruise easily) circular fingertip strokes that work their way teasingly inward, from the supple outer flesh to the areola to the now-puckering/gradually-responding tense little nipple.  But I prefer initial touches *on* the nipple to be few and far between. Just enough to make me want more; not so much that I’m overwhelmed.  If I’m over-stimulated (or just not properly stimulated to begin with), I lose interest.  The object is to make me *want* your mouth on my nipples.  Sooo…

I like soft, confident strokes, gentle kisses, light nips of the teeth…paying attention to the undersides of my breasts, cupping them (not squeezing!), talking to me about them (I love to be talked to when I’m aroused; sexy words work wonders on me, in part because my brain is my biggest sex organ)…

All of these things are extraordinary nipple foreplay. Just like working your fingers and mouth over my labia and pressing against my G-spot makes me beg for you to suck on my clitoris, the same is true for getting me to a point where I’ll beg you to suck on my nipples.  If you want to get to the ‘point’ (either one), you have pay attention to the big picture.

Once I’m begging (and panting and writhing and grasping the sheets so as not to squirm out from under your touch), you may partake of a nipple feast.

Well, I have small breasts, so maybe it’s more like a nipple snack?  Appetizer? Snacketizer!

I like having my nipples pressed between your lips (no teeth!) and tugged up away from my body in a series of little tugs.  This creates two long little points that become insatiable attention sluts.  Sluts!  I need for you to vary force and pressure, because too much of the same level of stimulation over time makes me lose interest.  If you don’t mind tossing things up a bit, then…  Lick them, nip them, tug them, suck them, rub your whiskers over them, blow on them, lave them, tell me how they taste (talk to me!), roll them between your fingers, scrape your nails over them, spank them with your palms, massage the head of your cock over them, swirl your tongue around them.  Any of it, all of it, just DO it, ohmyGod, do it NOW!

I think you get the picture.   ;) winking

Eye contact is key during all of this. Pay attention to what I’m saying with my eyes.  I’ll use my mouth too, but I don’t hide what I’m feeling when it comes to sex, and my eyes are an open book.  If I flinch, it’s generally an indication that something is uncomfortable.  If I’m panting and kind of unfocused/dazed, that’s a good thing.  When I was last with a woman, I pretty much did all the things I described above, and I quickly discerned from reading her eyes and her body language that she needed/preferred firmer touches than I do myself. So I did everything to her that I know *I* like and then I tweaked those things to ‘fit’ her, discarding things that garnered negative responses and fine-tuning the things that worked. It was partially intuitive, but also it was largely a matter of paying attention.  And it’s the “paying attention” part that men seem to generally lack.  It’s like they see a breast and they think about what *they* want to do to that breast, without any thought or care as to how their ministrations will be received.

And like I said earlier, it depends on my mood.  Are we having anal or vaginal sex?  Oral? Am I already so aroused that I’m shaking?  Or are you trying to ‘get me in the mood’?  Are we playing rough?  Have I just been spanked?  Am I Edging?  Are you?  Are you tied up? Are we fucking or making love?  Scratching an itch or feeding a need?  Is this an exploration at hello or a memorialization at good-bye?  Wake-up sex?  A nooner?  And who is my partner?  What is our dynamic?

There are at least a hundred different kinds of sex, and each encounter (even when they are back-to-back sessions with the same person) has its own mood.  No two experiences are the same.  So I can talk in general about what I like, but it stands to reason that if you and I were to spend all day in bed together tomorrow, some of my ‘Likes’ would be ‘Loves’ and others would would not apply.

Let’s talk about ‘Loves’ for a moment: When I’m getting close to orgasm (normally I can only handle this kind of attention when I’m already highly aroused, which generally means I’m experiencing vaginal/clitoral stimulation at the same time), I start feeling tingling sensations in my nipples.  Like tiny little pinpricks across my pebbled flesh.  At that point, I love (love, Love, LOVE) something my husband does to me that I don’t really have a name for.  He sucks my nipples up into his mouth, keeping it tugged up away from my body to create a ‘pulling’ sensation.  Then he uses the underside of his tongue to thrash them.  It’s kind of like being on the receiving end of a rather unique nipple spanking.  It’s not something I can tolerate immediately; it has to be built up to.  If he tried this when I was just getting aroused, it would be Game Over.  But when I’m teetering on the edge of orgasm, this unique blend of pleasure-pain makes me lose control…

…and I cum.


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Questions, comments, and differences of experience are welcome.  There is obviously a lot I did not cover here; this was originally an email, after all, and as such, was a tailored response to a close friend.  There is so much more that could be said.  The female nipple pleasure (or lack thereof) factor remains shrouded in mystery and it can be daunting for our partners.  Knowledge is power; share yours!

0 thoughts on “Now, to answer the Breast Question.

          1. Mrs Fever Post author


            I considered adding visual enhancement to this post, but was disappointed to find ZERO pics or gifs that demonstrated the technique(s) mentioned in the body of my post. And really… Women often complain that men get breast play all wrong, right? Well, men tend to be highly visual creatures. The ‘visuals’ they have access to (and I saw waaaay too many of those visuals during my searching) perpetuate the porn-popularized theory that to “attack” the female anatomy (nipple, clit, mouth, whatever) is the best plan of attack. When, in fact, the opposite is what they should be doing.

            So if you have any photos (or know someone else who does) that are more along the lines of slow-and-steady-wins-the-sensual-race (and it’s NOT a race… don’t get me started), I’d love it if you’d share. My email is

          2. Mrs Fever Post author

            Even the most well-intentioned actions can misfire, especially if you’re not tuned in. That’s why eye contact is such a big deal to me; sound alone can be easily misconstrued. Is she gasping from pleasure? Or was that sharp inhalation you just heard from pain? Gah!

          3. Reticent Mental Property

            And no one thinks TALKING and TELLING and INSTRUCTING is sexy…we all want to hear Porno type sounds or feel gushing wetness as confirmation. Bad teaching lessons…one of the most beautiful descriptions of tuning in was provided on Erospainter on tumblr— i’m not sure if he wrote it or someone else– but it essentially said the concentration required to cum, the concentration exhibited in a partner who is truly turned on and mentally connecting with the body in the moment is often very, very still, very focused – completely unlike what we see/hear in most sexual scenes….I describe the vocal as a gutteral expression, a deep twisting at the core…and yes, a lot of tensed muscle and delicious selfish concentration…

  1. basdenleco

    Dear Feve,
    A lot to ponder upon and each individual has different triggers and I suspect it may be the same for men in many cases.
    Some time ago had the pleasure of a dalliance with a lady several years older than myself who had small breasts but nipples like a Welsh Chapel’s hat pegs.
    Extremely large even when not excited.
    Your very erudite and thoughtful article has brought back a flood of memories about a woman of charismatic substance who taught me a great deal.
    Several similarities in your prose.
    When she was really aroused she would massage my glasn and meatus
    with her solidly erect nipples

    A great article Feve

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Oh, I’ve done that! 🙂 My nipples are not…err…hat pegs (*snort*), but I’ve gotten a positive response nonetheless.

      And you’re absolutely right, each person’s preferences will vary. There are some general Do’s and Don’ts, I think, but you have to tune in to your partner(s) to truly have an enjoyable experience.

      And I agree, it applies to men as well. 🙂

  2. pivoine68

    Happy New Year Mrs. Feve-a!
    This post makes me wonder about the correlation between how much we like our own breasts and how much we are prone to be aroused by their handling. I am also a baggy B-cup, I find my breasts ugly, not because they are small…I just don’t like how they look. For the most part recently, I have sex without removing my seriously padded bra. I wonder if I liked my own body more if it would have more erogenous zones or if I am just more of an ass person. Not an ass, I mean more stimulated by below the belt foreplay. I hate the idea of plastic surgery….I would never do it, so maybe I will have to learn to appreciate my lack of cup size in order to find out the truth.

    (Then again, I have a lot of ass and I’m happy enough this way. I think.)


    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      You bring up a good point: How much does a woman’s own opinion of her body have to do with the pleasure she feels from it?

      Personally, I am realistic about my body. I know its limitations and recognize its faults; I am built the way I am built, and I don’t choose to alter my figure. So I can say, objectively, “I have small breasts,” and that is, indeed, all I am saying. It is not a good thing, nor is it a bad thing; it is simply a thing. It is a statement of fact. On the other hand, I *cannot* say, “I love my breasts.” I don’t dislike them, but they are also not high on my list of favorite erogenous spots. Definitely not in the top 5, and *if* they are in the top 10 it’s more to do with my partner’s ability to lavish attention in a way I enjoy than with any intrinsic desire to receive said attentions.

      The one person who can make my head spin this way… My desire to have his mouth on me (my God, he suckles like he’s seeking nourishment, and it is one of the most satisfyingly erotic experiences I’ve ever had) has A LOT to do with the dynamics of our relationship. (Which could be a whole post in and of itself.)

      Food for thought.

      Happy New Year! 🙂

      1. pivoine68


        I’m still thinking about this stuff…,how can I really know that my breasts not really the high points of my sexual experiences because of me or because of the men I sleep with? I have a strong tendency to become desirable through the eyes of someone else. Is this making sense? If a man seemed completely beside himself touching my breasts, would that turn me on? Probably. 🙂

  3. kanienke

    We both have the same experience of guys and nipples. I lived for about 19 years not even realizing my nipples had erogenous potential. Years of self-love had gone by and four years of sex with girls, and no one (including myself), had ever even touched my nipples in a sexual way.

    And yet the first man I ever had sex with wouldn’t f&*king leave them alone. He twisted them like radio dials. He bit them. He slapped them. He sucked them nearly until they bled. And all this despite my saying with increasing seriousness, things like, “Huh. I didn’t like that.” “Please don’t touch my nipples again.” “Wow I can’t believe how much I hate having my nipples twisted.” and, “I am done playing with you. If you ever touch my nipples again I am going to dismember you and feed you to those foot-long rats in the basement of our dormitory.”

    And ditto, for every single other man I’ve ever played with.

    My nipples are pretty much off-limits during sex. Only a few women have ever even thought of touching them in any way. One was my wife Katie, and she’s done it four or five times, each time with all the subtlety of a rhino — not good. Another woman, Lia, was the only woman I ever totally let my guard down for. I can’t explain her mysterious powers but she always sailed in under my defense radar. And that was pretty much the only remotely good experience I’ve had with my nipples and sex.

    And I don’t have anything like body image issues with my nipples. They are just these weird things I have on my body. Like my elbows, or my ankles, or my knuckles. And I would appreciate people leaving them alone. Except maybe a tiny taste, just to see if I have a different reaction.

    It wasn’t until I started having sex with men that I noticed something weird about almost all of them. In the early days when I wasn’t up for more than just touchy mutual masturbation fun, I noticed that pretty much all the guys asked me to play with their nipples and when I did… BAM! They sprayed out cum like a gunshot. I once had a bi-curious friend masturbate for me and he played with nipples using one hand, and with his penis using the other. It was a necessary part of his ability to give himself an orgasm and I engaged him in a conversation about it.


    I would say, probably more than 90% of the guys I’ve been with want pretty intense nipple simulation if they can get it.

    So… my take-away is this: guys presume that women are aroused by nipple play. And because of all that nursing stuff we did as babies, we would pretty much be happy with a nipple in our mouths all the day long.

    Myself included. So I always explain to my boy-sex-partners ahead of time about my nipple problems and they pretty much ignore me completely.

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I was thinking of you recently when I read this, because it so clearly demonstrates that ‘a-ha!’ factor that so many men seem to miss. Reading your comment here makes me cringe in empathy; I know all too well the tuning of-the-radio-dials technique, and other than electrocuting them with a dysfunctional toaster, I can’t think of a faster turn-me-off when it comes to nipple play. But as we’ve discussed in the past, the male default behavior pattern tends to be (a) attack!, and if that doesn’t work, they move quickly to (b) attack harder!

      Oral sex is much the same way.

      There have been times I’ve wanted to say, “Your tongue is not a battering ram!”


      I’m totally snort-laughing at the rhino imagery. 😉 I wonder if Katie has gotten positive responses from other male humanoids with the Stampede Technique? There’s a certain logic to her behavior, if that’s the case. And I’ve often found that men like/want/expect/prefer/respond-to immediate nipple attention ~ and more forceful attention ~ than do women. Building up to it? Wot? WHY?! Subtlety is often lost on people with penises. 😛

  4. wildoats1962

    A porn star from several years ago, Colleen Brennan, had nicely shaped breasts and a reviewer commented that playing with her nipples was like tuning a radio and her expression changed with the music. Never really thought about the erotic potential of toasters before. It could be like this though.

    My tastes and preferences are eclectic enough to accommodate anyone’s favorite attribute. I once heard that when men look in a mirror they look for what’s good, and when women look in the mirror they’re looking for what’s wrong. I focus on the positives for everyone.

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I think you’re right that women look for flaws. It’s encouraged in media and advertising, which just pisses me off. I intentionally do not watch commercial television; the last time I tried I was so disgusted I left the room, because that was aired was along the lines of “you’re not desirable unless you _________.” Under attack throughout said commercials was every aspect of a woman’s body, from head to her (crow’s) feet, and I take umbrage at that. Especially because aging is a natural process and women of all ages are beautiful. Why are men talked about in positive terms when they age – words like ‘distinguished’ come to mind – but women just “get old” like it’s a bad thing? It’s a wonderful thing! Long life is a gift, and every time I hear someone complain about or criticize a person’s appearance because of ‘signs of aging’, I want to slap them in retribution for everyone who has died young.

      (I don’t have a lot of soapboxes, but that’s one I will stand on without a qualm.)


      I’m trying to think what my favorite attribute is. I think it varies but to a large degree I am most attracted to smiles. I’m told my own is contagious. And it’s time for me to head to work, so I’ll just go infect the masses. 😉


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