Toothful Ruminations

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So there’s this weird thing that happens when I’m sick.  (Yes, I’m sick.  Again.  Differently, but yes.  Again.)  Whenever I have a chesty-coughy-sore throaty type icky, my mouth behaves strangely.  Not that it contorts into odd configurations or tries to attack passersby with germy kisses or anything like that…  More like, it feels weird.  My tastebuds pretty much can’t taste anything at all, the insides of my cheeks get swollen (so I’m constantly biting them when I cough, which sucks), and my gums…  Well, my gums feels as though they have expanded to three times their normal size and are taking over my teeth.  And they itch.  This must be what infants feel like when they’re teething.  No wonder they’re so cranky.

I am not a flosser.  (Dental types, don’t lecture me!)  All that poking around between my teeth and getting up under my gums and such…  *shudder*

You may as well ask me to stick a thong in my mouth.

NO THANKS!

I no like da floss.

BUT, when I am sick like this?

All I want to do is floss my teeth!  (Even though I can’t stand to have anything in my mouth, which is why, what with travel and such, I haven’t slept with my retainers in for over a week.  I’m sure my orthodontist would be thrilled to know that.  Sorry, Dr Jones!)

How weird is that?

I texted Smotchy a list yesterday of what to pick up for me on his way home:

Nyquil, but not the gel caps because they have gelatin and I just say no to pig
Tylenol PM
Halls, the red ones

…and dental floss

“Why don’t you go to the doctor?” he asked.

“Because I can’t drive in my condition?”

Which, truth.  The whole coughing/constant-gag-reflex thing leaves me light headed and dizzy.  It wasn’t safe for me to drive yesterday.

Besides, they’ll just tell me what I already know:  I have the flu.  It will go away.  In time.

Meanwhile, the flossing.

Also, the crunchy food thing.

Crunchy food feels awesome on my itchy irritated gums, you see.  But it’s somewhat counter-productive to crunch on said foods.  Because, sore throat.  (It’s a contradiction, I know.  But I’m allowed.  Because, snatch.)

What can I say?  My mouth ~ my craving-crunchy-foods-and-dental-floss mouth ~ has a mind of it’s own.  {Which, of course, has the potential to be a Good Thing.  Just…  Not when I’m sick.}

How’s your mouth, hmmm?

0 thoughts on “Toothful Ruminations

  1. Jamie Ray

    Feel better. And keep flossing (this message brought to you by…). My dentist always gets on my case about it, and you want to keep your teeth for posterity.

    Reply
  2. Jayne

    Coffee Breath being that I have been a lazy, coffee drinking, sexting alone in my place person since- hours ago. I’m getting up to brush my teeth. Luckily,no huimans have been around me today. I’ve never heard of such a reaction in your mouth when sick. I’ve heard of a reaction with Pop Rocks though….wait and one that burns with alcohol of some sort. : ) but I’m thinking fellatio not flu. NOT that those two things could EVER be confused by me. Water Pics are pretty cool. High pressure streams of warm water….we’re getting closer to fellatio and farther from the flu now. I better go get a hold of myself…seeeeee farther. You’re getting better already.

    Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I used a Water Pic when I had braces (as an adult, alas) and it has since been taken over by one Smotch, who is every dentist’s wet dream. They look at his mouth and see M$NEY. Let’s just say there are certain ways I get a return on my investment when it comes to his mouth.

      I envy your sexting. That sounds like a perfect way to spend the day. Alone though… Hmm. So you were your own partner then? 😛 Was it good for you? 😉 (Careful, you’ll get carpal tunnel that way!)

      Reply
      1. Jayne

        Was it good for you?
        Why are you asking!?
        Don’t you know?
        Are you playing mind games with me again?
        I CAN read your mind, you fool! I’m leaving!
        No you aren’t!
        Heaven forbid such a bizarre thing. I meant I was by myself and he was by his self. Together yet alone never the less.

        Reply
  3. wildoats1962

    The only time I floss is after eating popcorn. I have switched to those pre strung flossing things. When I think about the rolls of floss my mind goes to piano wire and movies about spies. There was a song on Dr Demento called the “G String”. Surprisingly it was about a guitar string. There was a Pickles comic strip where Opal {the little old lady} learned the difference between thongs and flip-flops. One of my many peculiar habits is that I brush my teeth in the shower. An old toothbrush has a variety of uses elsewhere. Electric toothbrushes can give you a good buzz. {wink wink, nudge nudge}

    Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I love popcorn. REAL popcorn, popped on a stove, topped with butter and salt. YUM.

      I follow the mental assassin association when it comes to flossy guitar strings. For some reason I always think if those cheap backyard volleyball/badminton sets. The nets tend to be green (or at least they used to be, in the ’80s and ’90s), and I’ve oft imagined an overenthusiastic player runs the risk of getting those bared teeth involuntarily flossed if they rush the net. I’ve met a few folks who deserve that kind of come-uppance. Most of them are members of my family. Shuttlecocks!

      I always smirk when I hear people call flip-flops “thongs”; it makes me think of what those tacky elephant-trunk man panties (from the old Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogs) would look like, re-purposed as sandals.

      Wink wink, nudge nudge indeed. 😛

      Reply

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