Indiscreet

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Women are not the sensitive sex.  That’s one of the grand delusions of literature.

~ Philip Adams

0 thoughts on “Indiscreet

  1. Jayne

    Good point Mrs Fever. The older I get, the more I see this as true. Sort of… women can be psychotically complex ; )

        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          Hmmm…

          “We”?

          Fragility comes in all forms, and even the strongest materials must be handled with care. Glass shatters, lace tears. Either can be mended, but never quite restored once damaged.

          And nothing breaks quite so devastatingly as a tree that has spent so much time standing tall that it does not know how to bend when the heavy winds come.

          1. Jayne

            Men being fragile is just odd as a sentence to me because fragile isn’t a word I would use for men. I think I would choose to describe them as having vulnerabilities that need special handling and care. It’s my own perception of fragile as being easily broken is what is screwing with my head. : )

          2. kdaddy23

            That kinda describes “fragile,” I’d say. Some of us are easily broken, require special handling, and have many fears that we’re told that we should never, ever let be seen and to the point where some of us can be rigid, inflexible, unbending, even when a situation says that we should (or have to) loosen up and go with the flow, learn a new and better way to do a thing, stuff like that.

            Where we may excel in physical strength, some of us just aren’t as emotionally strong as we appear to be; the perception doesn’t always reflect the truth.

          3. Jayne

            I agree with you completely, kdaddy. I don’t think enough attention has been given to the changes men must go through as men and women’s traditional roles change and continue to change. How are men supposed to express, release and modify themselves to grow into changes when they have had to be as you’ve described? It has to be difficult and I don’t think this subject is brought up enough because of traditional expectations, perceptions and roles men have had. There’s a good TedTalk about this subject. A woman did some group seminar and the topic of women becoming the majority of college grads and “bread-winners” made some man comment along the lines that women were doing what men do. Like where does that leave him? Having this conversation about the change was the point to her TedTalk. I love me some Ted Talks!

          4. kdaddy23

            It doesn’t get enough attention because men, historically, aren’t supposed to be weak, fragile, afraid, etc.. I know everything I was told about being male and a man, including that we don’t cry, should never appear to be weak, never display any “feminine” tendencies, always be the breadwinner, and so on.

            And a lot of us, as we go about doing this, find out that we can’t always do all that shit because life throws a lot of stuff at us (including women) that takes this ideal behavioral trait and pokes a lot of holes in it and, for some of us, yep, it makes us quite fragile. In the moment we realize that we can’t be the “ideal” man, that just adds fuel to the fire, weakening the “steel” of our gender role and, really, reminding us that despite what we’re taught, we are still only human and subject to all of those human frailties and failings that we’re taught to never fall prey to… but we do.

            Because we do, it can make us bitter, angry, frustrated, disappointed and, yep a woman’s worst nightmare; it can totally and utterly defeat us and subject to be seen by other men and women as less than manly – but not in a homosexual way. We know this… we see this in ourselves and in other men… but we don’t talk about it because we’re not supposed to; otherwise, you’re now a punk-assed bitch if you, in any way, admit that you don’t exactly fit the “definition” of what a man’s supposed to be.

            There’s a reason why we say some guy needs to man-up or cowboy-up, right?

          5. Jayne

            The odd thing is, saying that in terms of these changes will have to mean “manning-up” like it never meant before because you really have to be “strong” to change the old stereotype.

          6. kdaddy23

            Yep, it’s quite odd. As a man, it’s not that I’m not subject to human failing – it’s about doing my best to keep them in check. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don’t and, really, I have no choice but to accept this because if I don’t, I’m just lying to myself and serves no purpose at all. I’m fragile in a lot of ways but even I’ve been conditioned not to let that be all that visible – that show of strength and all that – but it’s really about being able to admit that I have been and can be fragile – because it’s the truth, plain and simple.

            I can’t change the stereotype in this for all men – but can remove myself from being associated with it. Doesn’t mean that I don’t or can’t embody what a man’s supposed to be… I know I don’t always make the grade… because if nothing else, I am human.

          7. Mrs Fever Post author

            We are all human. It doesn’t matter what parts you’re born with; EVERYONE has a heart.

            We do men a huge disservice in this culture. We teach boys from birth to “man up” and “don’t cry” and to bury their emotions. And then we expect that somehow they will magically understand how to communicate and be able to show love and affection openly as adults.

            I relate to men much better than I do women, because I was raised with that same “be tough” and “never let ’em see your fear/hurt” conditioning. Yet, because I was a girl, I was also raised with communication and coping tools that boys so seldom have access to.

            A little background:

            The quote from this movie is actually part of a farcical scene ~ Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) has just discovered that Philip (Cary Grant) is not the married-and-can’t-possibly-get-divorced man he purported to be… Just at the time Philip is preparing to pretend divirce from his pretend wife and propose to Ilsa for real. He says this because her reaction confounds him. It’s funny in some ways, precisely because it’s not. Women are NOT the “sensitive” sex. We do not need to be coddled or kept from the truth or outright lied to “for our own good.” We are, in the end, just as “sensitive” (or insensitive, as you please) as men. Which, in 1958 (when this movie was made), was an observation that was only acceptable under the guise of humor.

          8. wildoats1962

            Diamonds are considered hard, but they are also fragile. A diamond in the rough doesn’t look special. An artist can make it special but one wrong blow and it goes to pieces. I agree with kdaddy on the social demands.