So. My vagina sprung a leak.

      22 Comments on So. My vagina sprung a leak.

Yes, that’s what I said.

First off, you have to understand a few things about Le Vag:

  • She has a mind of her own
  • She has a mind of her own
  • And she has a mind of her own

I’ve never been a squirter.  While I’m not one to disbelieve {because (a) I’ve talked to enough women to understand it, and (b) I’ve seen it with my own two eyes}, I’m just not one to let loose with a bunch of urethral fluids during sexy times.

Actually, no.  That’s wrong.  But watersports is something else entirely.

Let me rephrase:  I’m not one to jizz in streams all over my partner(s) when I orgasm.

Fair enough?

Okay, then.  Moving on.

So.  I don’t squirt.  I’m told that “all women can do it” and “if you just learn the trick to it, you can” and all sorts of other total bullshit that interests me not in the least.  The bottom line is, I cum like I cum and that’s all there is to it.  Sometimes the wet spot is a little larger than others, but mostly that has to do with the amount of foreplay involved (I’m particularly bad at foreplay; I’ve mentioned this before), how much lube we’ve used, and how long and hard we’ve been at it.  Whatever ‘it’ happens to be.

And my body is weird.  I have some reproductive health issues, which feeds into the overall oddity-ness, but I also have the basic growing-older weird stuff that happens.  Like, I’ll be dry as a bone but horny as hell.  Or I’ll  be so turned on by the sound of someone’s voice – even if they’re talking about something totally mundane – that creamy liquid coats the insides of my vaginal walls and creates a perfect pool at my entrance from which to draw the waters of my natural lubrication and get on with the business of rubbing myself to ecstasy.  (Move over, Yellow Pages.  Let your fingers do the walking…)  Still other times, I’ll wake up in the morning with a soaked spot on the sheets, sopping wet, and I’ll have no clue why because (a) I can’t for the life of me remember what the fuck I was dreaming about, and (b) I’m not even remotely turned on.  (But I reaaalllly have to pee!)

Anyway, the point is, I never quite know what to expect from Lady V.  Except to expect the unexpected.

And so it was that one evening, with my husband’s face planted against my pussy, his tongue furiously licking my clit, and his fingers – two long strong fingers, much more substantial than the eye perceives them to be because their length belies their thickness – pushing hard in upward thrusts and scissoring, again, again, again…  Something a bit strange happened.

There I was, about 13 steps from dropping over the edge, and all of a sudden, against this onslaught, I started to leak.

Yes.  That’s what I said.

My vag sprung a leak.

It was slightly disconcerting, but he didn’t seem to notice (I confirmed later that he didn’t notice anything at all, but then again, he wouldn’t notice if a train crashed through our house when he’s in that position) so I tried not to think about it and just relaxed and let my hips ride out his rhythm until I was keening out my orgasm.

As a side note:  Am I the only one who thinks orgasm noises are funny?  In the moment, they’re sexy as hell, but really…  Who thinks a groaning croaky shouting grunt is sexy in real life?  It’s not, I assure you.  Neither are the ridiculous open-mouth-O pain faces we make when we cum.  If we saw or heard those things anywhere else but during a sex marathon, we’d be calling 9-1-1.  But somehow in the moment it’s a symphony of gorgeousness.  Humans are weird.

But basically, I felt this… trigger(?)… up near my cervix, and before I knew it, it seemed like something inside of me opened up, and then fluid was streaming down the back wall of my vagina and I could feel it dribble out of me and drip down the crack of my ass.  It was as if my womb decided to drool.

Weird.

Anywhoo…

I checked the wet spot afterward.  Just a cursory examination.  I touched it, I eyed the circumference, I stuck my nose down in there and had a good sniff.  There was nothing unusual about it.  Thankfully.  (Disappointingly?)  So I just shrugged and hit the shower and went on about my life.

I brought it up to mi esposo fabuloso a bit later.  (That night?  The next day?  I don’t remember.)  He was like, “What?  I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  And then, as an afterthought, or possibly as a Dr. Watson-esque observation, he said, “You’re not thinking you squirted.  You didn’t squirt.  There was definitely no squirting.  I think I would have noticed squirting.”

Pfffft.  Thank you, detective.

So I didn’t squirt.

Maybe I squeeshed?

Whatever the hell it was, I definitely sprung a leak.

Like I said, my vagina has a mind of her own.

22 thoughts on “So. My vagina sprung a leak.

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I know, right?!?!

      The thing is, I *love* to watch my partners orgasm – especially their faces (notably their eyes) – and it’s a HUGE turn-on.

      [Insert licked lips and heavy breathing, here.]

      But afterward? It’s hilarious. 😛

      Reply
      1. kdaddy23

        I happened to see myself in a mirror just as I came… and I couldn’t stop laughing. I love looking at them, too – their expressions are often priceless and damned funny!

        Reply
  1. Caitlyn McConnell

    Well, Fev, I’m currently writing a book about women, sex, and aging, and, for what it’s worth, research says that women are more likely to “squirt” as they get older, meaning that it’s more likely at 40 than 20 and more likely at 60 than 40.
    *shrugs*
    I’m a squirter. Sometimes it’s like an explosion and sometimes it’s like a dribble, but definitely not always a “squirt.” According to my hubby, there’s rarely a taste. The main difference between that and my natural lube is all consistency. While the arousal wetness is slick and smooth and creamy, the squirt fluid is thin and watery. Doesn’t do a damn thing for lubing you up, and often washes the nice feeling sticky wet away.
    *hugsandkisses*

    Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I have a friend who thinks I should be the spokesperson for Squishy Baff. I’m thinking perhaps I should instead do a traveling lecture series on Squeeshy Vag. 😛

      Age, schmage. I’ve been peri-menopausal since I was 28. There’s not much of the “getting older” phenomena I haven’t yet experienced. I figure my body’s gonna do whatever the hell it pleases, whether it’s a trickle ir a geiser. I may as well enjoy the ride. 🙂

      Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Oui.

      French is a bit odd with its gendered forms. ‘Beard’ is, as I understand it, a feminine noun. ‘Vagina’ is masculine. Le vagin.

      Which, I suppose, is the one instance where le masculin l’emporte sur le féminin actually makes sense. 😉

      Reply
  2. larryarcher69

    I agree, when a woman squirts, the fluid has little taste and has a viscous feel to it. If you are squirting, it will probably get worse (or better as the case may be). I’ve noticed that when a girl starts, she seems to come more and more each time. Welcome to the club, most women never reach that point.

    Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Meh. *shrug*

      I can take it or leave it. A drizzle or a downpour makes little difference to me. If, indeed, “squirting” is what my leakage amounted to, I am not impressed. It certainly didn’t enhance my orgasm in any way. And I’ve cum multiple times since, without drippage. So I guess time will tell.

      Reply
      1. larryarcher69

        You had mentioned that hubby was working you over also. Manual massage of the AFE zone (A-Spot) is usually the one that gets the fluid going. It’s hard for a guy to hit the A-spot with his dick and he has to be reasonably long and aimed in the right spot to hit it. With your fingers it’s above the g-spot at the roof (top) of the vag and most people use a scratching motion with their finger tips to hit it. If someone is teaching you to squirt, they generally do it with their fingers and it looks pretty rough because you have to work it pretty hard.

        One girl I know will basically drown you if she hasn’t had any for 3-4 days and you don’t have to do anything special besides screw her. Wifey will typically only squirt when she’s riding you cowgirl style as that puts your dick straight up towards the roof of the vag and hits the a-spot.

        Reply
  3. pivoine68

    Salut Feve!
    Well, I was squirting (dribbling, babbling like a brook?) for a moment there but the source seems to have run dry since I quit drinking like a female version of Buk. I don’t write much anymore either for that matter. Anyway, I agree that squirting isn’t cumming…it feels like something I should retain and when it cuts loose I am sort of ashamed like a kid who wet the bed but it feels good at the same time….

    Now that it doesn’t happen anymore I’m a bit disappointed because I was thinking that I had reached a new sexual peak. One step forward, three steps back? Nah. 🙂

    Bisous to you from me and my crepe-paper vagina, (aging sucks my ass)
    Dawn

    Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Lube, darlink. It is vraiment fantastique. 🙂

      Three steps back? Non. Just dancing in a different direction. ????

      Congratulations on your sobriety, my friend. ????

      Reply
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Ha! I can picture the future disclaimer…

      WARNING: SCUBA gear required beyond this point.

      What can I say? The human body is a strange and wondrous (and highly unpredictable) thing. 🙂

      Reply

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