A friend and former blogger – one who has written for me before – has decided to come out to play.
Her thoughts on heat have everything to do with getting burned. Say hello (again) to:
My tears are overwhelming, blinding, because of this burn, this heat. It still burns, this smoldering ‘thing’ within me. The heat it emits is comforting at times and yet at other times it is so intense it’s maddening.
The heat comforts me when I remember the way this ‘thing’ was lit. There was a foundation of trust, friendship, of love. The way he looked at me was incomparable to anything I had experienced. The cliche saying, “He makes me feel like I am the only one in the room”? He did that. TO ME.
His touch on my shoulder when he was passing me in the hall, the kiss on my forehead when I was drifting to sleep, the way he shared himself with me, the intense locked-on-my-eyes stares he gave me while he was entering me, his whispers in my ear of how good I felt, his strength to hold back his cum to get me off first, the moans and sweat and breaths and smiles… all these combustible segments that, combined with passion, lit this ‘thing’.
He lit this ‘thing’. It did not exist before him.
Then the comfort fades, the heat shifts from nourishing my reminiscing smile to fueling a fierce madness. This ‘thing’ is bitter and confused. This ‘thing’ begins burning bright, casting a glaze across my face. This heat is not good, it does not comfort and it is not welcomed. Words are replayed and overanalyzed, letters and notes are reread, and questions… questions are everywhere. The fight between me and this ‘thing’ is ongoing. I get angry and upset and bitter. I tried feeding it, giving it what ‘it’ wants, thinking it would go away but that only makes the heat stronger more uncomfortable. I tried ignoring this ‘thing’ that debilitates me, making me numb to love, numb to passion. I have not found a way to tame ‘its’ heat when the heat is so maddening.
What do you do when you have this ‘thing’ smoldering inside of you, giving you heat? Do you douse this ‘thing’ to save yourself from going mad, knowing it will drown out your comforting heat?