S.P.A.M.

Supply Pressed American Meats.

Hormel calls it SPAM.  I call it Eeeewwwww.

Apparently, there are a variety of pork(ish) products available for human consumption, not the least of which is the infamous SPAM.  Upon researching the topic, I found that there is quite a variety to choose from, including but not limited to:

• Spam Classic – original flavor
• Spam Hot & Spicy
• Spam Spread – “if you’re a spreader, not a slicer … just like Spam Classic, but in a spreadable form”

There’s about a dozen additional…erm…flavors, but with the way my mind works, I kinda got stuck for a minute on the “if you’re a spreader” line…

*

Not being a fan of pork (or pork-like products), I’ve gone years ~ decades, even! ~ having a minimal understanding of all things SPAM.  However, I’ve been re-introduced to all things spam (yeah, the unwanted email kind) recently and thought it might be…interesting…to share something from the wordpress douchebag mailbag.

While cleaning out my blog’s spam folder (I didn’t even know I had a spam folder until I’d been here a couple of weeks; apparently some of my friends’ comments ended up there by mistake…woops!) at 6:30 this morning (yes, I know that’s damned early to be up on my day off…please just…don’t ask), I deleted a comment (regarding my poem from yesterday, Again) from Adrian (I think his name was Adrian, anyway; can’t be sure since I deleted it).  Adrian has ended up in the spam bin a few times.  Usually he’s obnoxious, but innocuous.  Today, however, he said:

“I’m going to report that you are using material from another source yet again.”

Which kind of…

Well.

It annoyed me.

Particularly annoying was the fact that he included the word ‘again’ in his comment.

*

Some of my favorite bloggers publish posts once in a while that are rather fascinating replies to messages or comments left for them by their readers.  Typically these posts are titled “From The Mailbag” and are…well…  Let’s just say that on the blogs I read, these mail-bag type of entries tend to be…

Erm…

Well.

Truth be told, they are usually panty-wetting.

Mmm…

But I digress.

Back to the douchebag mailbag.

I’m going to borrow this response-to-readers practice today, but with a twist.  Or perhaps I should say, with a kink. Heh.  😉

“FromThe Mailbag” doesn’t quite work in this instance, however.  “From The Douchebag” is a bit more appropriate.

So, without further ado, I present to you (yes, YOU, my bloggerly brethren) my response to today’s spam.

Dear Adrian,

In commenting on the poem I posted yesterday, you stated:  “I’m going to report that you are using material from another source yet again.”

That’s fascinating annoying.

I’ve no idea who you are reporting to or what position you’re reporting for, but I sincerely hope the who is wielding a whip (with tails of unbroken leather, the material of which will make your ass RAW) and the for involves a reasonably kinky element of pain.  Unless, of course, you’re *into* that sort of thing.  In which case, I hope your basest desires are being wickedly denied.  Over and over again.

Now then:  As to your allegation that I have ‘used material’ from ‘another source’.

All of my ‘material’ comes (heh) from (1) my own life experiences and (2) my own imagination.  (Except the photos, I guess.  They come from my own camera.)  ‘Other’ they may be, but as sources go, they are most definitely my own.  And since I (me, moi, mrsfever) have had more than one incarnation on more than one blog (there are other more than ones I could elaborate on here, but I’m trying to stay on topic for once), it should be a reasonable assumption that materials previously posted on my own other blogs may take on new life here. 

Not that I expect you to make reasonable assumptions.   I don’t expect you to assume anything (unless, of course, we are talking about assuming the position:  put your ass in the air, boy!), actually.  Which is why my rules are clearly spelled out on my blog’s main page and it’s made clear that my material is my own. 

If you have any questions, please don’t ask.  Consider your comments ball-gagged henceforth until infinity, Adrian Fuckwad.

Sincerely hoping you will not sit comfortably again for at least a week,

Mrs.  Fever 

P.S.  This color is hideous isn’t it?  Sort of like SPAM.  Go figure.

*

So.

Getting back to being a spreader…  😉