Uhmmm… WHY?
No, seriously. It’s a legitimate question, and it’s the second one that consistently pops to mind when people contact me with questions about sex blogging. (The first being, “Why are you asking ME about this?”)
And typically, when I ask people the WHY? question, I get a response something along the lines of:
Ah. So this is obviously a well-thought-out plan, then. One you decided to contact a total stranger for advice on how to enact. Via the interwebs, no less.
Hoo boy.
Look, I’m not saying you have to have a 60-minute PowerPoint presentation prepared on the merits of sex blogging or have rehearsed a 1,000-word spiel about What Makes You Such A Special Sexy Snowflake. I’m just saying, If you’re going to ask advice on something – any something – you should at least have half a clue why you want said advice.
So if you’re thinking you want to be a sex blogger, but aren’t particularly clued in to why you want to be one, here are some ready-made pick-a-reasons for you:
- I have a smokin’ hot bod and think everyone should admire it.
- I have a lukewarm average bod and think everyone needs to get a clue about the fact that that’s what’s normal. And a little admiration wouldn’t hurt.
- There are no good wo/men available in my town/city/state/country, and I want to use my blog to attract a partner(s).
- I’m an exhibitionist.
- Writing helps me work out my issues, and I have 14 therapists’ worth of issues with/about/around sex and sexuality.
- I thrive on external validation and this seems like an easy way to get attention.
- I’d like to write for money but nobody knows who I am, so I need an outlet where I can write for free to get my name/style/opinions/ideas/stories out there.
- Sex bloggers get free stuff from sex toy companies. Sounds good to me!
- My inner galactic princess needs an outlet for fucking the universe with her two heads and 17 hands. Bring on the Martian forehead fucking fantasy!
- I went looking for resources and couldn’t find any. Maybe I should be a resource. I mean, I fantasized about buttfucking once. That makes me an expert, right?
- Insert other reason(s), here: _______________.
Are a few of these ideas slightly exaggerated? Yep.
Are they patently false? Nope.
So if I was going to give advice (and I am not particularly known for advice-giving, so consider this NOT ADVICE), I’d say:
First, figure out why you want to write a sex blog.
Your motivation is your own; there is no “correct” motivation, because we are all motivated by different things.
One person’s answer to Why? may be that they are living a double life (think: paying for sex behind a partner’s back, fantasizing about kinky things for which you have no real-life outlet, living within the societally accepted boundaries of heteronormativity without fitting the mold, etc.), while another person’s Why? may be linked to self-expression through art (i.e., drawing, photography, storytelling) or a desire to educate (about safe sex practices, consensual kink, trans-identity issues, or sexual politics within a specific community, for example).
Whatever your Why?, it is your own.
And once you have that figured out, consider this:
What purpose will it serve?
What purpose will your blog serve? Do you want to:
- Educate?
- Inform?
- Entertain?
- Confess?
- Perform?
Are you seeking to normalize certain things (body types, relationship styles, kinks)? Do you want to share your expertise? Would you like to create an open-forum type community for people with similar experiences?
Maybe your purpose is personal. Do you want to document your journey? Are you journaling to process your feelings?
Perhaps your purpose is professional. Are you looking to obtain new clients? Do you have goods or services you are selling?
Your purpose might encompass a variety of “wishes” and you may wish to tackle an number of topics in pursuit of those purposes. That’s okay. If that’s the case, you might want to think about establishing a Primary and Secondary structure for yourself in determining your content.
In my opinion, blogs that “flow” (for lack of a better word) the best are blogs that stick to their purpose, no matter the topic. For me, keeping my purpose(s) in mind helps me not only decide what to write, but also how to write it. Having a purpose – not only on a post-by-post basis but also as an overarching motif for my blog – helps keep me on track, and impacts the overall ‘feel’ of the blog.
What’s your focus?
Image credit Michael Dales by way of entrepreneur.com.
But, you are wondering, aren’t you just repeating the previous question, Feve?
NOPE.
Your focus and your purpose are, in all likelihood, related. (At least they should be if you are looking to establish continuity.) But it’s more like the former is a specialization of the latter. Some examples:
1: Your purpose is to educate and your focus is safe sex practices.
2: Your purpose is to create via storytelling and your focus is to do so through poetry.
3: Your purpose is to normalize kink and your focus is FemDom relationships.
Do you see the difference between purpose and focus?
And if your purpose is personal – as mentioned above – this still applies. If you’re journaling to express your desires, your focus might be on self-acceptance. If you’re writing your blog to process your feelings, your focus may gear toward clarity or healing.
Just as it is okay to have more than one purpose, it is also okay to have more than one focus for your blog. But if you want to start a sex blog and haven’t figured out any of these things yet (or already started one that is now flailing due to lack to clear direction), now is the time to start asking yourself questions to determine where you want to go with it.
What else?
Now that the hard part is figured out, it’s just a matter of details. Some of those details are more important than others, and how they rank will vary by individual. A few things to consider:
- Is my spouse/significant-other aware of and/or involved with my blog?
- Should I identify myself or write anonymously?
- How much information am I providing about myself and my partners? (Think: Confidentiality)
- Should I use real-world contact information to establish communications on my blog? (Think: SAFETY)
- Am I using a free blog space or paying for my own url?
- Is my site secure?
- Are my bitland interactions trace-able to location? (Again: Safety, people!)
- What types of images should I use?
- Are there copyright and/or trademark issues I should be aware of?
There are pretty much a gazillion and one things you can/should/might/could take into consideration. Posting schedules, social media presence, audience interaction expectations, monetization, branding… The list goes on. Some things are mandatory to address in a pre-emptive fashion, others are minutiae that you can take care of on the fly.
Don’t let the little things divert you from your big blogging goal(s). Take your ideas wherever they may lead.
And once you’ve got an idea where you’re going…
READY, SET, BLOG!
Any questions?
.
NOTES: I’ve had the Doge meme stored for a while; I’m unsure who created it. If this image is yours, please contact me for accreditation or removal. The “I don’t know” and Steve Martin memes are credited within each image, though the rights to the Steve Martin still from the movie The Jerk belong to Universal Pictures. The “focus” image is credited with embedded links; please click through to view the originals.
You raise some valid points–and are obviously a much deeper thinker than me. As a result of this post, I have contemplated my own reasons for doing my blog. I’m not sure my blog is a sex blog–though it does deal with sexual content. I would characterize it more as a male chastity or FLR blog. Still many would call it blatantly sexual. lol. So I believe my primary reason for the blog is to tell my story. But I do have exhibitionist tendencies and I do want to help others understand this lifestyle. I also want to share what little knowledge I have or learn.
Blogging is fun–particularly when people read them and interact with you. That’s when it becomes worthwhile.
I like the interactive part of blogging as well. When posts – whether my own or someone else’s on another blog – spark new conversations, that’s fun for me. I like seeing how various people respond to ideas, and I enjoy both observing and conversing with people who communicate well in writing. Plus, blogging feeds my inner introvert. 🙂
I think you have a pretty good grasp on the Why and Wherefore of your own blogging, which is probably why you’re able to write consistently and cohesively. Most people who already have blogs – sex blogs or otherwise – do as well, and whether they’ve consciously decided on their purpose/focus or not, they have one. Sometimes people who haven’t thought beyond “ooooh–SEX!!!” contact me with “how” questions though, so I wanted to offer some answers without being prescriptive.
A long time ago now, someone slipped me a comment on my blog and asked why I wrote about being bisexual and my answer was, “Because someone has to.” Another reader commented that my blog, while containing sex at times, didn’t seem to be “designed” to stimulate or sensationalize things – and I agreed with that; if I had wanted to do this, I’ve got hundreds of stories I’ve written that would serve that purpose better.
Someone asked me if I was worried about people finding my blog and reading about stuff I didn’t want them to know about and I said, “Nope; there’s a reason why my little bio for the blog says that if you’re not grown up enough, stay out of my head.” They were also surprised to learn that my wife has read everything I’ve ever written; I mean, she knows I’m bisexual so there’s nothing to hide from her.
Since my blog really isn’t about sex, I don’t consider myself to be a sex blogger and I’ll never make the Top 100 list… or even the Top 1000 list if there’s such an animal – and I’m good with that because what I want to do other than provide myself with a form of therapy and to keep from being bored silly is to write about something important to some folks and in a way that, as far as I can tell, no one else is doing.
I definitely consider your blog to be a “sex blog” because I consider writing about sexual identity to be part of that whole umbrella. And I appreciate that you write about your bisexual thoughts and experiences. As you say: Someone has to. And often, bi voices are silenced, both in LGBT and hetero communities. Keep doing what you’re doing; there’s a lot more to sex (and sex blogging!) than just erotica!
I thrive on external validation and this seems like an easy way to get attention.
I’ve claimed to be an attention whore pretty much right from the start in 20*koff koff*.
I actually did start off writing on male chastity because at the time there was very little except for the wank fodder which was not only horrible, but in some cases unhygienic, or downright dangerous. Except for a few people writing on Usenet forums or Yahoo groups (yes, it was that long ago), it was difficult to find “real people” who approached it in a more vanilla context. Over the years I’ve backed off on that subject because a) there’s a lot more people like me writing about it, and b) I spend a lot of time on forums answering questions. So, without my “special purpose,” all that was left was attention whoring and random other stuff. Oh, and complaining about the wankers.
Tom Allen recently posted…People don’t read anymore, do they?
I wonder how many people ‘get’ the “special purpose” quote. Heh, and you being a chastity blogger… That’s the whole point, right? No special purpose for you! 😉
There should be a __________ Anonymous group for that. “Hi, my name is Tom, and I’m specialpurposeless.” 😛
I protest!! lol. We have a purpose Tom! It’s to please our partners and in some cases obey them. Our purpose doesn’t involve our own orgasms though.
Hahahahaha — purposes be damned. I like it. 😀
😀
Am I a sex blogger? Since our blog is usually – scratch that – sometimes about male chastity, it’s an occasional anti-sex blog. I never worried about sticking to a purpose. I have static pages for that. Mrs. Lion and I share the sexual side of our lives…most of the time.
Oh hell! I’m a blogger. What kind is up to our readers to decide. I love dialogues with our readers. That’s the most fun. It’s fun writing. I hope it’s fun to rest.
You post every day – between the two of you, twice a day – which you obviously enjoy. 🙂 I wonder how your enforced post-surgery rest is going to impact your enjoyment of blogging. Will you have to type one-handed? What about using Dragon Naturally or other voice-recognition software for during your recovery time?
I’ve been wondering what to do while recovering. The surgeon says I can come out of the sling to type so long a my forearm is resting on the desk. However, I am pretty sure that I won’t be able to do this for several weeks. Aside from the obvious physical issue of wearing a sling for at least 4 months, I will be on opioids (sp?) for quite a while. Some might say that my coherency won’t change; drugs or not. But I am not sure I will have the mental strength to post for a week or more. Mrs. Lion will continue to post and relay any pearls from my drugged state. She assures me that I am pretty funny when out of it.
I’m still waffling about whether or not I should go through with this surgery. The pain I am feeling now may be better than spending at least 2 months in a sling and then over a year to recover the full use of my right arm. I won’t be able to drive for at least four months, probably more.
The risk of not doing this surgery now is that over time the tendon will deteriorate and at some point surgery is no longer an option. I will have to return to work about a month after the surgery. My company says they will provide car service (Uber) to get me to work and home when needed. I can work from home almost all the time.
All this means I can do the surgery if I want. It doesn’t talk to the enormous emotional cost to both of us. Mrs. Lion is my only support network. She will have to miss work for at least a week, I will be less fun to live with. Our family doctor told her that I will whine. She nodded and said, “I know.”
I don’t mean to go on about this. This is a pretty unique situation for me. I can continue with what I know I can handle. Continuing assures I will have to learn to sharply reduce use of my right arm. Or, I can get the surgery. What scares me about that is that once I do it, I have to endure a long period of difficult, painful living. I can’t change my mind and return to the pain I know. Either choice doesn’t threaten my life.
One way or another, if I do go through with the surgery (I most likely will since Mrs. Lion thinks it is best), I will continue to blog. I may disappear for a while, but I will be back. I enjoy writing and sharing. I feel very connected to my readers. Maybe I can get some guest posts to fill in the empty space every morning.
I’m looking into voice recognition for typing. I prefer the connection to the keyboard. Oh well.
My husband had to make a similar choice about whether to have surgery a couple years ago, and while his issue was/is different, the decision process encompassed a lot of the same considerations, basically boiling down to: Stick with the devil you know versus the try devil you don’t. He went forward with his surgery, and was quite amusing during his doped days afterward. I’m certain you will give Mrs Lion plenty of blog fodder during your recovery time; Mr Fever certainly did, me. 😀 I’m his only support network, just as Mrs Lion is for you, so I had to play nurse for a while, but the entertainment value made it a fairly even trade. 😉
Correction…fun to read. Damn iPad.
Ohhh… Haha! I took the “fun to rest” comment and ran with it. Lol.
Fun to read… Yes, it’s that too. 🙂
A very interesting read Miss Fever!
I am just starting my own sex-blog to document my journey as a submissive male as I learn more about BDSM and try and find a domme, with the hope that it provides a timeline of my thoughts and development for her to read and help me stand out from the crowd as it were.
This post has certainly already got me thinking exactly how I want to go about approaching this blog and keeping a clear focus in mind from the get go.
Good luck to you, and have fun with it! 🙂
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Very informative! I’ve always sort of struggled with finding my purpose in blogging, and definitely with finding a focus. You’ve given me some good thinking points.
Thank you; I’m glad you found it helpful. 🙂
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I found this post and I’m glad I read. When I first started love love I started it not knowing what is going to be about. Then I wrote one post and forgot about it for a couple of years. Fast forward a couple of years and I realize I want to go to school for Sex therapy and I remembered that I had a random blog sitting in cyberspace doing nothing. So I decided to revive it. I decided to document my journey in the kink lifestyle as a blind person. I at the time couldn’t find any good informative ddlg blogs so I figured I would make one. Alsothought I would be able to help educate people Sexuality because I was sick of information being spread around and people being too afraid to talk about it. My big has always supported my writing. It’s hard for me to stay on topic on my blog though, some days I won’t be just right about the lovely day I had with my cat, and others I want to write about the Filthy dreams I keep having. I’m still learning about the world of blogging though. And one day, just maybe, I might get my own domain. 🙂
I think it’s great to include different pieces of your life on your blog. I certainly do it (Because how could I not talk about my cat? He’s adorable!), and nobody is so one-dimensional as to always talk – and ONLY talk about “topic X.”
Having a general sense of purpose and an idea{l} for what/why you’re writing helps provide focus, but it needn’t be limiting. 🙂
It sounds like you have a clear idea about where you’re going with your writing, and you know what you want to achieve, which is fantastic!
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