After our long-distance shared-cam cum and goodnight goodbyes, after my muscles have been spent in the splayed-leg seeking of pleasure and my limbs have stopped trembling from the finding of pleasure sought…
After the high climb, the over-edge plunge, the weak-kneed barely-wake that follows…
Afterward…
Sleepy and sated, I switch apps on my phone, point the camera, and click.
It is a snapshot meant to be sent, a thousand-mile “Sweet Dreams” kiss, the pixels a not-replacement – a photo for him, from me – of tender ministrations from bitten-pink lips.
But when I look, I see something else entirely.
My own image arrests me between the snap and send, and I am stricken – with both alarm and arousal – by what I see:
- Skin ~ age-grained and freckle-flawed, accented in the harsh highlight of yellow-flash dim
- Hair ~ tousled kinks and softly falling curls haphazardly frame the outline of a self-satisfied Cheshire-cat-got-the-cream smile
- Lips ~ alternately dry and damp, still faintly lined from the cosmetics I so rarely wear and tooth-marked from my own lick-over bite-out of NeedToCum from moments before
Close-up, my critical eye catches every detail, dissecting all the wrongs.
But when I back away, taking at a glance the whole from the parts, I can see what’s right.
I see…
ME.
In a way I haven’t seen myself in a long, long time.
There you are, I think to myself. My Self.
For once, I recognize Me in a photograph of my person.
I see strength and satisfaction and a semblance of silly-grin artless seduction; I see quirked-bow lips, age-blemished imperfection, and drowsy delight.
The woman I see staring back at me is ME – the Me it’s such a rarity to see – and I am…
A delectable mess.
Perhaps it is the height of vanity – or perhaps I have (finally, fretfully) stepped the first rung on a long ladder-climb toward self-acceptance – but it is a long time before I take my eyes from my own image.
When I do, it is with two thoughts in mind: (1) Where have I been hiding?, and
(2) I wish I could figure out a way to share my own kiss.
Feve: I get the gist of your last question, but the truth is that you do that every time you share your lovely self.
Awww. 😊
Dare I say it seems as thoughtful and insightful as I have become used to in reading your posts, albeit more candid and merciless.
I hope you like what you see, as I couldn’t help thinking that the (hopefully) grateful recipient ‘gets’ you well enough not to be distracted by those things that alarm you.
And as far as sharing your kiss, this pic comes closer than you may know, at least to us not knowing the reality of it all, it still ‘speaks for itself’, as did the last image I saw of you in the bathtub.
The mystery is intriguing, and the unfolding is…(sigh)…what keeps me coming back.
Namasté
नमस्ते
Chazz Vincent
The recipient – or rather, the intended recipient; I never pressed send – is a bit love-drunk. I could gain 75 pounds, roll in mud, take a photo from the most unflattering angle imaginable, and he’d be like, “You’re so beauuuutiful…”
*laugh*
I feel an odd dysmorphia when I see 2D images of myself, but I do rather like what I see in this photo, which is unusual enough to warrant introspection as to why. Thus, the candidity.
As for the “merciless” portion of the program…
Well, let’s just say that there are some very fun ways that that paticular character trait can manifest. 😉
PS: I finally did it, and cut out all the sites I had been following that only clogged my view of the worthwhile ones (like yours).
In addition to having almost no filters, I find it hard to stop following someone who wrote something I liked once, more than a year ago. Editing or censoring is also difficult. If there’s such a thing as a “following hoarder”, that would be me.
Tomorrow I will do it again, just to be sure I can find the sites that give me joy. Being polite has almost drowned me in the lukewarm platitudes and baby-puke of the “blah-blah’blah’s of blogging”….it’s hard work for someone who is essentially a selfish writer, rather than a real blogger.
Looking forward to finding you more easily.
Namasté
नमस्ते
Chazz Vincent
“Following hoarder” made me laugh.
I get that. I have culled my “follow” list quite a bit for the same reasons, but I know it could be trimmed back further. And I have a hard time unfollowing because it typically takes me quite a long time to decide to click the “follow” button in the first place.
I’ve taken to “checking in” on some blogs – i.e., visiting their landing page every few weeks or months to see what’s been happening – as opposed to subscribing to every post. I also utilize other people’s blogrolls when I’m looking for something new to read. Both strategies have been successful for uncluttering my ‘think space’.
Oh!…and by the way. I did NOT launch whatever “all-new-media-picker-for-android”…WTF!?!?!
I don’t even know what that means, and don’t own an Android…(scumbag marketers!)
Cheese!!!
C.V.
I removed the scumbag marketing. 😉
Enjoy what’s left of your weekend!
Cheeeez! (I also hate auto-correct)
Beautiful!
Awww, thank you. 😊
I came back to read this one again. Yes delectable. I don’t see the mess.
Awww. 😊
I love it when people take the time to revisit something I’ve written. It’s a very special kind of compliment. Thank you for doing so. xoxo
I love photos like this.
There will likely be more to come. 🙂