A little over a year ago, in February 2017, I undertook a self-directed “get healthy” initiative. Exhausted from the ineffectual efforts I had made on doctor’s advice and heart-sick from not recognizing myself in the mirror for so many years, I decided – as the person who knows my own body best – to take everything I’d been TOLD to do, and chuck it in the bin.
Starting fresh, I researched a few basic things (calories, metabolism, sleep cycles, genetic indicators, etc) and figured out a strategy for incorporating sustainable changes into my lifestyle. I didn’t force myself into an unsuitable exercise routine or “go on a diet.” I didn’t even utilize a scale. (The first time I weighed myself was eight months in; at that point I’d lost 25 pounds.) (I’ve now lost a total of 45.) When it came to monitoring my progress, I simply tracked how I felt.
It worked.
About six weeks into my self-improvement project, I took this photo. Posted along with select lyrics from the Divinyls’ song I Touch Myself —
I search myself, I want you to find me
I forget myself, I want you to remind me
— it was a touchstone. A placeholder.
I was searching for myself.
Not in a clichéd frou-frou way.
I was trying to find my ‘self’ in the mirror.
Taken on a day I felt good about the changes I was making, I wanted something positive – something concrete – that I could look back on. I didn’t specifically have ‘future comparison’ in mind when I took that photo of my ghost-ish reflection a year ago. I just knew I was off to a good start, and in a good place mentally, when I snapped the shutter.
Last week, I was reaching for my lotion after my shower and caught sight of myself in the mirror. The ‘reaching hand’ tableau I saw in my reflection reminded me of that touchstone photo I’d taken, and I decided to snap another.
Because of the way my body is shaped, and the slight steam-fogged obscuration of the image, I doubt the changes in this ‘after’ photo are recognizable to anyone but myself.
I am not a small person, not by any stretch of the imagination. Nor do I particularly wish to be. But it feels damn good to finally — finally, after years of frustration — begin to see, in my smallest-its-been-in-years reflection, a glimmer of the girl I used to be.
It’s rather like being surprised by a visit from the ghost of one’s former self…
.
.
.
…and welcoming it home to stay.
Today’s post marks the end of the first week of the A-to-Z Blogging Challenge. If you’ve missed the previous alphabetical expostulations, please click on one of the links below:
A is for Accoutrements
B is for Bare
C is for Coiffure
D is for Daffodil
E is for Eavesdrop
F is for Flex
Or, click the lips for additional viewing pleasures…
Very cool photos.
And how excellent that you’re able to find your goal in the ghosts!
Jz recently posted…Good Gravy
Thanks. I was all, “Oooh–! Look at me being compositionally clever!” 😉
And yes, it feels really good to actually recognize the reflection staring back at me. 🙂
I can see why you stopped to capture your image. You look great. Thank you so much for sharing! You are an inspriation!
Krystal recently posted…Red Light District
Oh my! This is beautiful. 🙂
silverdom recently posted…Sinful Sunday: Easter Egg Hunt Two
What a haunting image! (hah!) Lovely veiled curves and indentations, that body is looking healthy and desirable. Go you!
For me making my own changes where health and fitness is concerned is the only thing that works. You have to be happy with it so you should decide.
I really love this image – the mystery and ghostly feel – a whole story is sitting behind it – as well as the one you have told yourself 😉
May More recently posted…March ~ My Blogging Summary and SoSS
Quite a journey. Unexpectedly encountering the familiar stranger in the mirror is a challenging and in this instance I think satisfying moment. I love the way you’ve focused this shot on your hand touching the mirror in wonderment – a hint of “Feve through the looking glass” here I think…
Indie xx
Indigo Byrd recently posted…Hot Buttons#6 – Flashing for a lover
A bit of Tweedledum and Tweedledee?
“If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t.”
I love this photo and the story behind it. You must feel good in the body you’re in. Great post!
PP x
Yes, it’s very much about feeling good — not about my body (I’ve never felt badly about my body), but IN my body. And that kind of ‘feeling good’ has been well worth the effort.
Lovely post . . . and lovely photo !!!
Xxx – K
Modesty Ablaze recently posted…Modest Self-Service #sinfulsunday
A lovely and inspiring posts, since I need to do something very similar. Well done on progress and on the lovely photo.
Julie recently posted…Satisfied
I wish you all the best in your own journey. <3
I love this picture of you and really enjoyed reading about the how you are changing how you feel about your body 😊
Missy recently posted…The 08.52 from Glasgow Central
I trying my own version of this right now. I am determined to get back to a slightly better shape for me. I won’t ever be skinny but I would like to stop the disappearing my waist
Mollyx
Molly recently posted…Diversity
Feeling good/right in your own body is sooo important. I hope you find your way to whatever works best for you. xoxo
This month I am trying my best to get back to myself, to get back to a point where I can take proper care of myself again. I am really working hard at it, and hope I succeed in the way you have.
Rebel xox
Marie Rebelle recently posted…Do You Still Know How?
Good luck!
I need to get myself back into a place and focus on making myself better again. I love your outlook though, do what’s right for you.
Bee recently posted…Ever increasing circles
Congrats on your journey on feeling more like you x
I love your healthy mindful approach to this. What an achievement. And you look fabulous! Xx
it’s nice to see your curves accentuated by the dragon !
Wonderful to listen to how you feel – and this photograph is a glorious celebration of that.
Missy x
Submiss34f recently posted…a2zsubmiss O is for …
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