Just having returned home from a tiring afternoon gig – for which I both dressed up and wore makeup – I make a beeline for my bedroom with the foremost goal of stripping both my body and my face.
I am immediately impeded in my progress by my spouse, who steps into the hallway and greets me with “What’s wrong?”
What’s wrong? Nothing’s wrong, I think. I just got home and I want to get changed. Why are you in my way?
I give him a squinched brow and quirked lip in response, which has him ‘asking’ again in the form of a statement: “You look like something’s wrong.”
The only thing wrong, I think, is that you’re blocking my way to comfort.
“Nothing’s wrong. Why?”
He searches my face for some sign of dis-ingenuousness (this never fails to irritate me; if he keeps it up, something *will* be wrong, and fast) while I maneuver around him in order to move closer to my goal: clothes, off; makeup, off.
“It’s…” he starts.
Good Lord. All I want to do…
“Your eyes…”
…is remove my clothing and wash these cosmetics off my face–
“Something’s off.”
–OH.
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
“I’m wearing makeup.”
He blinks.
Tilts his head.
Looks at my face again.
Nods.
Blinks some more.
After studying my skin with the same tilt-headed confused intensity he applies when attempting to find meaning in a piece of abstract expressionism, he pronounces his Profound Understanding with understated eloquence:
“Hnh.”
I have long known the man is oblivious. He has a talent for stating the obvious (except when he’s on drugs), but only as it applies to his own person. ‘Observant’ he is not. Add in the fact that I rarely wear make-up (the last time was a year ago, and for the same event), and he therefore is unused to its effect on me… He can’t really be blamed for his puzzlement.
But when I’ve put extra effort into my appearance, only to have him tell me that I look ‘off’ as a result?
o_O
But hey–! The fact that he thinks I look ‘wrong’ when I’m wearing makeup must mean that he thinks I look ‘right’ without it. Right?!?
(D’awww…)
The Mister is a man of many talents.
Apparently we can now add ‘gives fabulous insulting compliments’ to the list.
But hey–! The fact that he thinks I look ‘wrong’ when I’m wearing makeup must mean that he thinks I look ‘right’ without it. Right?!?
*nods*
(smart guys know not to answer those kinds of questions directly.)
Tom Allen recently posted…Mistress Conestoga
Ha! True enough, smart guy. 😉
You had me at the title of this post, and I had a broad smile on my face when I reached the end 🙂
Rebel xox
Marie Rebelle recently posted…The Tail Job
He’s a funny one. It’s not unusual for strange ‘insights’ to come from his lips, but this one was definitely a “Whaaa…?” moment. I’ve been teasing him about it ever since it happened. 😉
😀 Hahahahaha – well, they are the windows to the soul, ya know. 😀
True. And apparently the soul is confusing to view through eyeshadow. o_0
Yeah I actually get told I look right without it – we went to a wedding recently and it was mentioned all the way there that he had a strange woman sitting beside him…
May More recently posted…This Years Model
Natural works for a lot of us!
I’m not a fan of cosmetics in general, or of the “you’re not pretty enough” message that those products are marketed with, so I rarely wear makeup. Usually when I do (once or twice a year), he says something along the lines of, “Wow, you’re really dressed up.” This time, apparently, the effect was more startling. 😉