My husband’s birthday was yesterday.
Seventeen years ago, on his birthday, I gave him my phone number.
Two days later – the anniversary of which is tomorrow – we spent the day together.
We call that day “Day One.”
What started as lunch turned into an entire afternoon, which led into a whole evening and then an overnight.
Overnight became almost every night and then a weekend away, which led to shared lease and a shared life and a lifetime of weekends — and week days and plain old days and every days — for 17 years.
And you know…
No matter what we’ve been through, however hard some of it has been…
I still like him.
Like, I genuinely LIKE him – flaws and all – after all these years.
‘Love’ — Well, in some ways love is a given, yes? But love – in its ‘given’ must-do form – can be a wretched thing. It’s so often tied up with duty and laden with unwanted responsibilities; it supposedly conquers everything but quite often means nothing, because our (‘our’ being ‘any two people who think they experience this nebulously-defined, non-specific emotion’) shared definitions so rarely match up.
Do I love him? Yes.
Do I believe he feels love from me? Yes.
Does he love me? Do I know this because of his actions? Yes and yes.
But LIKE… Genuine, un-possessive, this-is-who-you-are-and-I-enjoy-your company LIKE…
Especially liking someone over a period of 17 years…
I think that’s far more rare than ‘love’.
And maintaining that liking for one another, no matter the hardships we’ve encountered, has been what has seen us through the entirety of our relationship.
So to my husband — who I know will be reading this at some point (though honestly ‘some point’ may be months from now; he’s not always a consistent reader, but a reader he is 😉 ):
I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.
I love you.
And I am still madly in like with you.
Even after all these years.
🙂
And I’m proud of all the blessings you have given me
The mountains we have climbed to get this far
We’ve learned to take the laughter with the tears
After all these years
I very much agree. In a long term relationship, being able to say you honestly still like someone and would choose to spend time with them over other things is what makes life with them good. Companionship. Friendship. These things make up far more of a marriage than does passion, for most of us. Love can be both intoxicant and chain…not always the positive that we often assume it should be or is. It has driven far too many people mad to be so. It is also much harder to define, as you point out. But it is this undefinable thing that fuels so much of what we do. The unknowable is what drives us, I think, to create, to invent, to explore, to risk. So I am still glad to say that I love…and fiercely so…though I cannot explain it as well.
This is a sweet like letter to your man…and when he finds it, I’m sure it will make him smile.
Awwww. Happy happy birthday!! May you both have many more years of LIKES ahead!
I have never thought about it that way, but you are right… to like someone for so long, to not only love, but also like… yes, like is as important as love, if not more. Great post!
Rebel xox
‘Like’ is the best kind of ‘love’ … Happy Day One anniversary to you both! … nj … xx
This was so sweet! I enjoyed your take on this. Love is a fickle thing but to like someone especially for so long is the most important (in my opinion).
It seems like a decade since I’ve exchanged words with you. I feel lucky to catch your heartfelt and genuine words today so I can wish you Congrats on living the Dream. You’re very very lucky to have what you both have. I wish you more forever. J
Hi Jayne — It’s been quite awhile! Thank you for your good wishes. 🙂
A beautiful way to express how you feel , Feve !
I remember that during the French Revolution, they started the calendar back at Year Zero, but I like your use of it much better. 😀
Oh dear… And all the beheadings! 😱
We’ll not be doing anything so drastic. 😉
{A fascinating book on those times: The Black Count, by Tom Reiss. If you’re interested. 🙂 }
Well said! Happy birthday Mr Fever, Happy Anniversary to you both xx
We’ve already had this conversation and you know I agree with you, so I won’t pull out my soapbox again.
But I *did* want to say Happy Anniversary! (sorry I had to wait until my power came back on to do so…)
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