PERIOD SEX
SEX? is a question.
It doesn’t end with a period.
Shortly before I turned 18, I put myself on birth control. While this served a practical purpose in terms of contraception, it also regulated my periods. Which means that — for the first time since I started menstruating — I was ‘regular’.
This was mostly a good thing, in that I knew EXACTLY when to expect The Bloody Frickin’ Mess.TM (Up til then, it could be 4 weeks or 12 or 9 or 16 in between… Just, whenever.1)
But it was also a challenging thing — ‘challenging’ in that the every-4-weeks timing always seemed to coincide with my boyfriend’s military leave dates — because pretty much every time I saw my beau during the first two years I was in college, I was bleeding.
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NOTE: I fully understand that for some people — due to religious or cultural reasons or just plain personal preference or feelings of taboo — participating in vaginal intercourse during menstruation is a hard NO. And I fully respect that. For them. But that’s not me. And this post is about me. So if you’re likely to be bothered/offended by the topic of Period Sex, then this post is not for you.
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So basically it came down to:
Him: [wanting to have sex but feeling he’s not supposed to, because period] So… No sex?
Me: I don’t see why not.
Him: [looking like a deer in the head lights] Because… Errr… [waving hands vaguely toward my nether reigions] Because?
Me: We’ll put a towel down.
Him: [ . . . ]
Me: [raised brow] So, NOT “no sex.” Yes sex?
Him: OkaY.
And so, Period Sex became our norm. (Insomuch as it’s even possible to have a norm when one of you is in the military and one of you is in college during the pre-cell-phone era and there are several states — and fully separated lives being lived — between you.)
And you know…
It was bluddy good.
For one thing, I’ve never been a heavy bleeder. An irregular bleeder, yes. But my heaviest days were what other females experienced as ‘regular flow’ days, so any actual semblance of menstrual blood getting on him (or on the bedding) during intercourse was pretty rare. (And when it happened? Well, that’s what showers are for!)
For another thing — and this is just a biological fact — the fact that menstruation is the period during which a mucus-y substance is exiting the uterus through the vaginal canal, means that said mucus is lubricating the vaginal canal. Hello, slick.
Also: Orgasms — or rather, the contractions that are part of an orgasm — can help alleviate period cramps.
SO.
Win/Win/WIN !!!
I don’t have periods these days.2 I’ve been with my husband 18 years now, and I can count on two hands the number of times I’ve had a period during the time we’ve been together.
When I *have* had periods, my husband has been very hands-off.
Or rather…
He’s been very dick-off.
: laugh :
He does use his hands during those times. If I want.
And toys. If I want.
And y’know…
It bothered me a little bit at first that he was all “no PIV” if/when I had a period, but because he’s just… him… and I know that his reasoning behind “no period sex” has nothing to do with “it’s dirty” or anything along those lines (he loves dirty!), but instead, it has everything to do with feeling it’s disrespectful to me for him to ‘expect’ sex from me during that time…
Eh.
: shrug :
We roll with it.
But really, I’m fine to fuck.4 Blood or no blood.
Because to me, SEX? is a question.
It doesn’t end with a period.
.
.
1The fact that I was never regular, not even when I was an adolescent, was cause for “Oh, well of course dear. That’s one of the primary symptoms of PCOS” when I was older and dealing with fertility issues. But THAT is a story for another day.
2Yes, (peri-)menopause. But also, before that, PCOS. So pretty much I’ve had rare periods for almost 20 years and NO periods for the past few of those.3
3There is some question as to where the line between PCOS and Menopause is drawn, which — for me — is further complicated by the fact that one of the ways I keep my migraines in check is to use hormonal birth control (the pill) continuously (i.e., no placebo EVER, so no “bleed week”). (I tried using a different method of hormonal regulation once, which pretty much turned me into a psycho. Because of that, I will NOT be using HRT, no matter how bad my menopausal symptoms might get. It’s SO not worth it.) But again: This is a post for another day.
4Though sometimes… No, sometimes I’m not fine. Because, menopause.
OK, going on the pill and knowing EXACTLY what day I was going to bleed was the best thing ever. Because I took it at the same time every day I was almost certain of the hour I would start even. Saturday evenings around 5.
Why didn’t you just adjust your dates with the pill tho? My doctor taught me how to add on a week or take off a week etc if I needed to say, go on vacation or, had a dance recital or… hahah dance. me. yeah. NOPE.
But yes, orgasms help with cramps. I’m told. I’m still a bit jealous that you didn’t have heavy days. I did. And these days with the peri menopause, even more. It’s ruining my life. I’m not comparing, just complaining. I think it’s awesome that you’re sharing the PCOS and the perimenopause and the pill you’re on to manage the migraines.
It definitely helps that more women are more open about stuff like that, cos it’s still considered so taboo by so many people.
I need to stop now. I’m rambling. I enjoyed this post. And I got all the footnotes this time!
I never knew when his leave dates would be — he was in a special ops unit so he didn’t have long-term overseas duty; he went in and out of “hot spots” and would call me with like 48 hr notice. So adjusting my pills was not practical, because military schedules are not practical.
It didn’t matter though, obvs. 🙂
I feel like maybe I should full-on write about my PCOS experience…? I’m not sure how to parse that down into easily digestible chunks though. Gotta think about it.
ah, sorry, I didn’t realise obviously that he didn’t have a schedule you could plan ahead for. I thought he had a 4-weekly time off thing. BUT, the main thing is, I think the PCOS from a personal experience POV might be something a lot of us could benefit from. I’ve gone looking for information on it round the interweb but it’s mainly facts and “helpful tips” sorta articles. I’m only curious cos my niece thinks she may be a candidate. But she seems unconcerned and I wonder if that’s just her way of coping for now.
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For some people (which may may not include your niece), if they have a “mild” case of PCOS, it really isn’t a big deal… And the list of symptoms that are correlated is a mile long, but you really only have to have 3-5 of them for it to be a consideration… So it’s a bit “maybe/possibly” for a lot of folks.
I agree though that reading/talking about personal experience makes a difference.
For me, the road to diagnoses started with a trip to the emergency room. Maybe I’ll start my PCOS post{s} there.
Thanks for the feedback. It might take me a while to get something posted, but I *will* post about it. 🙂
My first ex-wife introduced me to period sex. It was never something that bothered me, in fact, her reaction was much like your ex’s. Shocked, wait, you wanna what? but,,,. With the occasional acquiescence. She also experienced relief from cramps afterward, but only after a specific time had passed (usually 2-3 days after she started)
There’s generally a stabby-pain DON’T TOUCH ME level of discomfort with cramps in the first day or so (for me, anyway), so I totally get that it would be better only a few days in.
I never got a chance to explore period sex, simply because my uterus was removed a month before my 25th birthday, after having had years of menstrual and other problems. I think period sex is something I would’ve liked to try at least once…
~ Marie xox
For me, periods have always been a nuisance even though they are/were rare. So being able to have sex while on my period was like a little consolation prize. *laugh*
My adult kiddo has PCOS. It took 10 years to figure out what the heck was going on. Amazing what a competent OBGYN can discover with some detailed blood tests and an ultrasound. She has many classic symptoms, but oddly she was very regular with her periods and she is thin. The pill has helped her tremendously, thank God……. except for the mood swings with the blood sugar levels (not diabetic.) God in heaven, help us all.
For me, I don’t like period sex. We used to do it when we were younger, but never on heavy flow days and definitely not when I had cramps. I don’t care if an orgasm helps cramps….. if I am too crampy, I”m not having sex. LOL
I have had migraines my entire life ……. no reason ever found. Probably something to do with my hormones and hopefully once I hit menopause, I hear that might be the end of them!?! Not particularly looking forward to full blown menopause though. Peri isn’t so great either, as you know! Windy
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Isn’t it a sad commentary on the health system that the term “competent OB/GYN” should be so rarely whispered? I’m glad your daughter has one!
Re: migraines ~
Hormonal regulation is one of the things that has helped my migraines, but oh man… It has taken a long time and a lot of work (on my part — docs have been pretty useless, though I did have a helpful naturopath for a while) to figure out how to manage the pain. I take preventative vitamins and medication, I control my diet, I avoid environmental triggers as best I can… And STILL, I get them. But I get less now (5 per month average instead of 15) and I finally have a rescue medication — sumatriptan — which has made working (going to work) more possible/bearable regardless of the pain.
But YEESH.
The woman I lost my virginity to wasn’t opposed to period sex. I remember coming back into town to visit her and she warned me she had just started her period. So we put down towels and extra sheets and had a fabulous couple of hours. It was messy, but we had fun. I went down on her despite the situation. It was an interesting flavour! lol. In the morning it looked like something had died and bled out, but the mattress was surprisingly almost blood free. Because of her hysterectomy, my Queen no longer has periods.
A former blogger I know refers to that type of “looks like something died” kind of bloody sex as Slaughtering The Goat. *laugh*
Alas. Not only men, but many women are not ready for sex during their period.
I was shocked the first time sometime was ok with touching me when I had my period because that hadn’t been the case before. I will admit that since it has been more common for partners to shy away from it. It makes me feel guilty like I am expecting something they don’t want to give so I tend not to bother. I don’t see the issue myself though. I am in the midst of a post on this topic so I will get my thoughts straight. Missy x