The term ‘heartstrings’ has always had two primary meanings to me.
- One, it is the strings of the heart that get ‘plucked’ — in the way guitar strings do — in such a way that I start humming to a specific vibratory note. Sometimes melancholy, often sad, occasionally ‘played’ in order to make me/my-life sing a particular melody.
- Two, it is the small ropes that bind — the hemp that twists against itself and tangles with each other — and tie me to something: a person, an obligation, a decision, a choice, an opportunity, a career. A place.
It is the second form of heartstrings that has been heavily on my mind lately, specifically in terms of ties to places. Ties to locales, to geography.
To what am I tied? To where? Why?
Have you ever thought about that, for yourself?
I said recently that I don’t like where I live, but that’s not entirely true. I do not like the incessant rain, and I do not like the extreme expense. The people here in general are too passive-aggressive and politically dogmatic to be friendly; quite frankly, I don’t FIT in those ways where I live, which is more true of my “I don’t like” than almost anything else.
One of the things I *do* like where I live is the natural beauty of this place. In one go, I have oceans and mountains, earth and water, undersea ecosystems and marine life, tree lined vistas and sky-flight aviators.
And now I have a boat — one with a berth and a head and a galley — from which I can get even closer, physically, to some of these topological geographic features I love. Occasionally all at the same time. Witness:
What I do NOT have where I live, is family.
Frankly, it was cutting ties to family — snipping those heartstrings clean through, and gladly — that launched me on my journey to where I am now.
And it is other kinds of ties — to my spouse, my career, my home, my independence — and my desire to be free of ties ~ the familial obligations I took on too early and burned out from too quickly ~ that explain why I remain.
BUT
I am being forced to examine my childhood ties. To evaluate my family obligations. To make some decisions about how long I will continue to stay, geographically, where I am. Or for how much of the year, going forward, I will stay in one place and then perhaps go to another.
Because my mother is now 70 years old. And while she is (kind of) capable and (stubbornly) willing to fend for take care of herself, I am starting to feel like I should be more available for those times she (refuses to admit she) can’t.
Over the summer, I visited my home state and took her on a vacation. I witnessed a lot of things that week. I enjoyed myself and my time with her. But I also started to get worried.
She’s not who she was.
The state of her home is… Um. Let’s just say I was (unpleasantly) surprised.
She’s… not keeping up.
And now she’s losing her eyesight.
So I will be going ‘home’ soon, to see her through a surgery and also to see whether some of those ties-that-bind I so long ago snipped might need to be re-knotted.
.
This post my be more “Hmmm…?” than MMM, but it was the photo of rope work on last week’s prompt that got me thinking about ties that bind, so I am linking this post to that meme.
I hope your mom’s surgery goes well and her eyesight gets saved… and retying those strings goes well for you.
She’s having her vitreal sac(?) reattached. I think it will go well. But she needs care.
Can’t enjoy the sun if you never see rain…
I think there are plenty of Mmm’s here.
MrsK recently posted…Sometimes…
True enough. And I would love some sun. SOON.
Hope you see the sun soon, my friend. Washington is so beautiful, but that kind of weather would be difficult for me too. I need sunshine. Hope your mom’s surgery goes well. XOXO
Thanks, I think it will be successful.
Yes, the beauty is a trade off but sometimes it doesn’t seem like a fair trade!
I have visited the San Juans, and it is so beautiful there! My daughter ( a Seattle-ite) has to get away at least once every winter to have some sun and warmth. Glad you are willing to help mom. It’s a scary time of life.
Sunny warm getaways are helpful. This past summer was beautiful and has helped sustain me into the rainy season.
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I hope all goes well with your mum’s surgery, and with your re-knotting. I haven’t always had a great relationship with my mum but as she grew older I saw her in a different light, and with different eyes. Good luck.
Thanks. I’m still with her. She is healing well and the “visit” part has gone well, so I’m glad of that.
A lot of revelation here. (By the way, Rosa and I just got back from Peru which is why I did not see this sooner.) Your talk of ties to family and places that get cut, remain for years, or present themselves for retying connects strongly to Rosa’s recent experiences in Peru where each of those things presented themselves in different ways too numerous and detailed to get into here. I mention it only to show that your experience rings true for others for whom ‘family ties’ mean something different than they do for most others. Your honest evaluations of your own experiences and feelings continue to be thought-provoking and refreshingly candid.
Thanks for that. Knowing there is commonality of experience makes these kinds of things less lonely to navigate.
A boat ! And a nice place for a leisurely sail. I bet it was a lot of fun – with plenty of adventure.
We have been enjoying it. 🙂