Duh.
And no, you most definitely do NOT have permission to cum.
These answers ~ and more! ~ can apparently be found on my blog. Because Oogle-gay, in all its wisdom, refers people to my blog when they type in questions (search terms) like this:
- is she stealing my term “non latex condom” (seriously…all one phrase, no question mark, and all lower case)
And this:
- permission to cum tease and denial
And while pretty much anyone who’s looking for a Sybian synopsis can find one here {you wouldn’t believe the number of search terms including the (oft-misspelled) word ‘Sybian’ that route readers to Casa del Feve, but while do women enjoy sybians ~ um, yes…duh! ~ makes sense, 2 women with nipples to each other on sybian definitely misses the mark}, this is NOT ~ I repeat, NOT! ~ the place to cum (you don’t have permission, remember?) if you want your cock crushed.
‘Kay.
So, to summarize our main points as succinctly as possible:
- Yes, I am stealing your sperm. That’s why I use non-latex condoms. Duh.
- No, you do not have permission to cum. Again, I say: Duh.
- Yes, women “enjoy” Sybians. This woman does, anyway. Um, Duh.
- No, I will not crush (or bind or trample or whip ~ enough with the CBT, people!) your cock. Yeesh! (I’ll spank it though. And your balls too. I’m kinda…skilled…at that. In case you were wondering.)
We’ll just ignore the fact that #1 and #2 sort of negate one another, okay? Because that would be looking at things logically. Which obviously (see the triple-Duh’s above) is not the way to go. Therefore, in honor of The Most WTF?!? Search Terms Ever, I’m going to defy logic. Which means I’m going to answer more moronic musings, questionable queries, and curious comments from…erm…Those Who Are Desperately Seeking A Clue.
Clench your buttocks, people! And don’t say I didn’t warn you…
(And for the record, Q does not necessarily mean Question. It just means I looked at my stats page under Search Terms and this is what I found in the Queue.)
Q: What do black stiletto boots go with?
A: Nothing. Which is why I wear mine with my birthday suit.
Q: What is the meaning of LMP in BDSM?
A: I have no idea. But my LMP is a Licensed Massage Practitioner, and she’s a sadist who abuses me regularly. And I, apparently, am a pain slut. Because I continually go back for more.
Q: hairy risig mature
A: Whaaa…?
Q: “coughed and coughed and coughed”
A: I think you’re confused. I don’t give prostate exams. Only prostate massages.
Q: Take ass temperature pictures.
A: No.
Q: mature legs wrapped around missionary
A: NMK. (Not My Kink. Learned that one at dinner last night.) For the record, I have never wrapped my legs around a missionary. And maturity has nothing to do with it.
Q: “not wearing a bra”
A: Damned right, I’m not.
Q: Baby, it’s cold outside naked.
A: Duh. (Again with the Duh.)
Q: Wanton nudes?
A: Wanton Wednesdays.
Q: Most spankable ass of the day?
A: Ooh, two in a row!
Q: fuckinghusband’snipples
A: Erm… Um, okay… And here we were doing so well…
Q: “fucking myself with my lelo”
A: OhFuckYes… I’ll go do that right now. (One last time: DUH.)
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