While I’m fortunate in that my spouse and I are well matched in many ways — not so much are we the same (how dull that would be!) as that we ‘get’ each other and provide well for one another’s needs and desires — it occurred to me recently that, even though we’ve accommodated one another’s needs sexually over the years, we are an odd combination of both ‘well-matched’ sexually -and- mismatched where libido is concerned.
When we first got together, the drive part of the sex engine was pretty much running at full throttle between us. We were (and still are) great friends, attracted to one another, fairly well lubricated (*laugh*), and had a tendency toward speed. Conjugal relations took place at least daily for the majority of the first few years; satisfaction was never a question, and neither was enjoyment.
When he turned 50, though, some of that started to change. Looking back at that time, we know now that it was a combination of things — {1} the natural lowering of testosterone that happens when men are that age (andropause is a real thing), combined with {2} the worsening toll taken on his energy/stamina as a result of his kidney disease, compounded by {3} some personal struggles he was going through — that made his libido crash and burn. At the time, though, it was as though somebody had hit the parking brake while the motor was running in 5th gear. I was still going full speed ahead (partly due to the high-testosterone side effect of having PCOS) and he – suddenly, inexplicably – full-on STOPPED.
We worked through it. In some ways healthily and in other ways not so much. But work through it we did.
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[ASIDE: One of the results of that ‘working through’ is what led us to experiment with ancillary partners, first via swinging (which… I’ve actually written very little about that, come to think of it; we had a threesome as a part of that adventure, but for the most part it was a short study in full-consent exhibitionism and episodic same-room sex — ‘full swap’ was never our thing) and later with polyamory.]
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Mostly we came to the “within-our-relationship” conclusion that when he had a sexual urge, he would come to me with it. And when I had one (and the desire ratio at that time of him:me was about 1:10), I would just take care of myself.
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