Because the Him He Was fit the Me I Used To Be like an interlocking puzzle piece, and when he said “You’re a wonderful person” he meant it. He still does.
Because when I looked into his eyes, I saw a reflection of myself in the mirror to his soul, and I was not afraid of the darkness. I never am, when he’s beside me.
Because he told me what he believed and the quiet calm that overtook his presence has remained ever since I said, “And I believe…” And he believes in me.
Because when the unthinkable became probable, he did not falter.
Because he was brave enough to say YES.
Because I asked him.
Because he demonstrated his love consistently, in the small things, every day. He still does.
Because instead of burying his passion in the minutiae, he chose to build it up in singular moments, tiny and strange, to construct a love that is bigger than any grand gesture alone could convey.
Because his grandest gesture continues to be the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me.
Because in other ways he does not know how to be selfless.
Because he does not grasp the divergence in concept between ‘fair’ and ‘equal’. Because before me, there was no one to show him the meaning of either.
Because in him I found the family that we each lacked alone.
Because he encourages me.
Because he is unsure.
Because he is endearing in his imperfections.
Because he believes I am beautiful, always.
Because he is beautiful to me. Inside and out.
Because his demons do not scare me.
Because he chases mine from the night.
Because his hand in mine was enough to know he was mine. It still is. As is he.
Because it was unexpected.
Because I said, “Will you…” and his face lit up like the 4th of July.
Because I wanted him. And I still do.
Because he was my confidante.
Because he was my lover.
Because he was my friend.
And if all that does not answer the Why?, then there is simply this:
Because he is the choice I continue to make, every day, even after all these years.
Because no one else comes close.