Categorical Conundrums

Labels can be such a divisive thing.  They can help people find their tribe but they can also paint people into corners.  I mostly avoid labels whenever possible in my relationships.  But when it comes to my writing…  Well, sometimes labels are helpful.  (Or are they?  After all, one man’s cat food is another man’s tuna surprise.)  And no doubt, labels – in one way or another – have influenced your choice to visit this blog.  Whether through search engine explorations or linked content elsewhere, something about this blog’s label appealed to you.

So to find out whether or not the content here is, indeed, what you are looking for:  Let’s peel back a few labels and read the fine print, shall we?

BDSM:  My husband is my friend, my lover, my life partner, my equal.  Yes, there are D/s aspects to My relationship with the Mister.  While we both Switch (sort of), our D/s play is primarily F/m (and the term ‘slave’ is not one we use within our dynamic) and includes a broad range of activities (some of which I will never write about explicitly because I respect his hard limits), but does NOT include pain (not *much* pain, anyway…) or humiliation.  Additionally, all of our BDSM activities – and all the BDSM activities I write about  that are not “ours” but that involve other people – are safe, sane, sober, consensual, and FUN.  As for FLR…  Well, other than the fact that I don’t Domme right, let’s just say that’s a whole ‘nother cup of tea.

Spanking:  I enjoy spanking for the sake of spanking.  It’s never ‘punishment’.  This is a flesh-on-flesh ONLY activity for me.  Hands only.  No belts, hairbrushes, whips, or other flogging instruments.  I’m typically the one administering blows, and there have been times my palm has been swollen and numb by the time I’m finished.  I use the sensory feedback in my hand(s) to gauge how far we’ve come and how far we’ve yet to go, and I’ve learned over time how to build from soft shushing strokes to whip-crack welting stings.  I like leaving my handprints on my spouse’s ass.  Occasionally he retaliates in kind.

Polyamory/Swinging:  This is incredibly complicated.  I’m not part of either community (nor, quite frankly, do I want to be), but I have first-hand experience with both, and have carved a niche for myself along the borders in-between.  (I shared some of my thoughts on ‘The Lifestyle’ in an interview once, and I’d encourage you to read it before you make any assumptions.)  I’ve embarked on numerous amorous adventures over the years ~ both with and without my husband ~ and am currently…um…involved…outside my marital relationship.  I’ve had good experiences, and I’ve had painful ones; I have experienced the intensity of both connection and severance; I’ve lived, I’ve loved, and I’ve learned.  At this point in my life, I’m not interested in sex only for the sake of sex.  I choose to build relationships.  It’s…  Complicated.


But that’s life, isn’t it? A complicated, categorical conundrum.

0 thoughts on “Categorical Conundrums

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