Get A Fucking Dictionary

Fucking:  the oldest sport known to mankind.  If fucking ever becomes an Olympic event, I’ll start watching the games again.

Fuck!:  general expletive; definition varies depending upon inflection.  Generally interchangeable with longer phrases, such as ‘Dammit, not AGAIN!’ and ‘Why the hell did God make stupid people?!?’

FUCK!:  a fiercer version of the expletive above; most often uttered after stubbing one’s toe, giving one’s self a paper cut, or ripping a wax strip off one’s most sensitive areas.

Fuckity-Fuck-Fuck-Fuck:  This one’s just fun to say.

Fuck a Duck!:  This one is even more fun to say.  Kind of like when you use a sing-song voice to repeat the mantra “quack-quack, waddle-waddle, quack-quack, waddle-waddle” (does anyone else remember that commercial?) while stomping through mud puddles.  😀

Fuckin’ Dog:  under-the-breath utterance referring to the psycho bitch who freaks out for no reason at 4:00a.m., head butts you with her nose, and starts panting in your face to wake you up.

Fuckin’ DOG:  my response to the Mister when he sleepily mumbles, “Why are you awake?  It’s four o’clock in the morning!”

Wanna fuck?:  It’s 4:00 a.m. and we’re both awake.  What the hell else are we gonna do?

Fuuuuucccckk:  Oh.  My.  God.  That feels amazing.

Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck:  Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygodohmygodohmygod…

Oh, fuck yes…:  Just keep hittin’ that spot babe.  Pleeeeaaaase keep hittin’ that spot.  SO damn good.

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck:  I’m on the edge, I’m on the edge, I’m on the fucking edge and I don’t want to be fucking edging so you better start moving faster fucker!

Fuck me, fuck me, fuckmefuckmefuckme:  I am not a reasonable human being right now.  I am my most primal self.  And you seriously need to fuck me, fuck me, fuckmefuckmefuckme HARDER DAMMIT because I’m about to cuuuuuuummmmm….

Fucker:  term of endearment, often accompanied by a shoulder smack and followed by a half-aware response along the lines of…

“Mmmm…”  Then a sleepily mumbled, “What?”

The meaning of ‘fucker’ varies depending on context.  Prior to sex it can mean, ‘Stop snoring’ or ‘Pay attention to me, dammit!’  After sex, it generally means, ‘Get your heavy ass up off me cuz I can’t breathe.’

Fek:  good-natured variation on Fuck(!) [see above], which, when used after fucking [see above] generally means ‘Psht!  You can’t seriously expect me to sleep in this wet spot?’