THAT is what the Mister said to me last night after giving me two orgasms.
True story.
(I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.)
*
Laying back against the pillows, half asleep from work-day exhaustion and work-night (heh) exertion, my husband turned to me, and in a drowsy voice said, “I want a Mnum-Num.”
I want a Mnum-Num.
I know married people tend to speak their own universal (as in, a universe for two) language, but introducing me to new vocabulary during post-orgasmic midnight bliss is generally not the way our dual dictionary develops.
Unsure I’d heard him correctly, I sought clarification. “You want a Meow-Meow?”
“NO.” (Insert much-put-upon sigh here.) “I already played with your kitty.”
Hmmm…
I want a Mnum-Num,” he continued. “MmmNuhm. Num.”
I want a Mnum-Num.
Temporarily blindsided by nightmare visions of millions of mini-me’s grabbing me with their grubby hands and demanding Cheerios, I had to stave off a panic attack before I could properly reply to his demand. (Which, by the way, should have been a request. Hmph!) Completely bewildered, I choked out my question between snorts. “And what the heck,” I asked, “is a Mnum-Num?”
“You know what I mean,” he replied.
Um, no. No, I really don’t.
“It’s that mouth-hand-suck-stroke thing you do so well.”
(Insert pause for hysterical giggling fit here.)
When my peels of laughter subsided, I said, “There’s just one thing I need to know before we get on with this Mnum-Num business.”
“Hmmm?” (Roughly translated, this means “I’ll tell you anything you want to know if you’ll just pleeeaaaase, pleasepleaseplease lavish some attention on my cock.”)
“Why on earth,” I inquired, “Did you decide this mouth-hand-suck-stroke thing is called a ‘Mnum-Num’?”
“Well,” he explained with semi-awake (and fully-erect) surety, “That’s the sound you make when you do it.”
Pause.
“Oh?”
“Yes.”
“Mnum-Num.”
“Yes.”
“Mnum. Num”
“That’s what you sound like.”
“Indeed.”
“So,” he requested, “Can I have a Mnum-Num?”
Ahhh… That’s more like it. Almost, anyway.
“Not until you say the magic word.”
He tried again. “Can I please have a Mnum-Num?”
“Not that magic word.”
Pause.
“May I please,” he tried again, “have a Mnum-Num, Duchess?” (‘Duchess’ is akin to ‘Mistress’ in our household… I really don’t have time to explain it further right now.)
Close enough. Mnum-Num it is.
Mnum.
Num.
“… but introducing me to new vocabulary during post-orgasmic midnight bliss is generally not the way our dual dictionary develops”
For some reason I completely love this line. Great post, great blog!
No reasons required. 😉 Thanks for following along.
men are funny… Lance comes up with the strangest names for things too.
They are, indeed. I can’t just blame him, though. I’m an equal contributer to Intermarital Linguistic Development. Shea Butter Love (pronounced shaybuttahluuuv), The Buzzer (which is not an alarm clock), Bi-veetamins (Vitamin B-12)… There are literally hundreds of things we say only to each other that make no sense ~ even when explained ~ to anyone else. Our friends have been known to request translation dictionaries before embarking on adventures with us. Lol. We definitely speak our own language.
Guys know exactly what they want and they usually want it right now.
Hence, Mnum-Num. Are You sure He’s not hearing You saying
Yum-Yum? LOL!!! 😉
😛
You develop specialized little jargons with others that aren’t partners too. A friend who also does crosswords and I use to word atoz {Ayy–Ta–Z} for some answers. AB and I refer to Red Dwarf, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and Dr Who quite often. {being Rimmer is not a good thing in that series}. Back in the day when I first started at my present employer, everybody had nicknames. I don’t know how many people knew their nickname {a lot of them were either suggestive or just not real nice.} When I first started I had recently gotten out of the Army and I didn’t own many civilian clothes. I could wear my fatigue pants so I did until I could get some more jeans. That first year I was called “Rambo”. I don’t know what they called me when I couldn’t hear. One coworker was nicknamed “Rocky”. Every day when I went by him I would say “Hey Rocky”, then after I walked past him out of earshot I would add “Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.” I’ve been there 26 years now. “Hardbody” has been there that long too. And she still looks hot. One of our techs is nicknamed “Scrotum”. I don’t know if the last two know their nicknames.
Hunh. ‘Rambo’ is such an odd contrast to ‘Les’…
Arch and I speak a similar language to that of yours with AB, and most people are completely oblivious to the nicknames the two of us bestow upon them. Which is probably for the best.
Oh I am so taking that into my lexicon. Do you have the singing cows from Sesame Street doobedooing you on as perform a mnum num? I so have that image in my head now and it simply won’t go away.
It’s a fabulous descriptor, yes? Lol.
No on the bovine doo-be-doos, but if you like Jim Henson, I highly recommend you use the little search box on my blog and type in the word ‘Muppets’. 😉
Your mister slays me. 😀
I have honest-to-God laugh lines, my dear, and they’re ALL his fault.
Hellfire. I have been in that exact situation.
Not with you or him, but me being in the position he was in at that time… you know what I mean!
😀