THAT is the response he gave when I asked him to write for me.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
And he satisfies me without prompting as well…
(Though the proper term for it ’round these parts is not prompt… It’s Frompt. 😉 )
I mean, after all, it’s not everyday a man starts blogging from a new platform…
Just because he doesn’t want me to miss out on what he’s writing.
Seduction
As submitted by my good friend Ganien:
The first thought I had on the topic of seduction was this attempt at a definition that popped into my head after a few days of puzzling about the topic:
Seduction is the art of getting people who are much sexier than you to be interested in having sex with you.
This definition was provided entirely by my subconscious so now I’m frantically trying, in a stream-of-consciousness sort of way, to understand what that means.
Obviously being good at seduction is irrelevant if you are already a devastatingly attractive person. In my experience, really good looking people are usually horrible at sex because they don’t care much about pleasing their partner, they are accustomed to people trying their best to impress.
Sometimes I am walking around town and I notice some smoking-hot woman walking by, and then I realize she is walking hand-in-hand with a really middle-of-the-road kind of shabby-looking guy and I say to myself, “now that guy must have some serious game.”
Which made me think immediately of this photo, which always gives me a chuckle:
The point is, clearly the fellow pictured has some kind of clear natural ability to seduce people way above his physical station. I like to wonder what the advantage is. The implication made in the text is that the man is smart… but his special talent could be anything that levels the playing field: he may be rich; he may be lucky; he may be well-hung; he may be really good at conversation; he may be a fantastic listener. Or, if my wife Katie is to believed, he might just be the king of housework because lately she finds that to be the sexiest thing a man can do.
Which brings me to a totally new method of seduction I only recently became aware of, something my wife calls choreplay:
Choreplay works like this: when my wife wants me to sanitize the entire house and do the laundry, she makes up some obviously bogus story about how if anyone ever wanted to make porn that would make women swoon and wet their pants and rub themselves desperately against your leg, it would have to start with a man scrubbing the floor.
But somehow I always narrow my eyes at her because I find this revelation to be sort of dubious. A man isn’t going to pick up a lover because he does housework. So this rule would apply only if you already had a man, and you think you might find it sexy to see him participating in the housework.
When I first met my wife she used to get wet and make little purring noises whenever guys like Apollo Ohno or pretty much any cute buff male athlete would appear on TV. I think every time I noticed that reaction, I always felt a tiny pang of jealousy – but no, let’s call it envy – that the guy was so hot he could get my girlfriend into bed just by raising an eyebrow. So feeling a little emasculated by such lofty competition, I started making little cutting statements like, “yeah but I’ll bet that guy really sucks at washing dishes without being told to.”
So let’s but Katie’s theory to the test: if her statement is true, you had better bone up on your bathroom-scrubbing skills because hot women really take notice of that kind of thing. Really. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sitting at a bar talking to a guy that looks like Orlando Bloom, and one after the other, the most devastatingly hot women have walked straight past him to ask me how I get those old orange urine stains off the bottom of the toilet seat.
Then of course I read this article: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=men-who-do-housework-have-less-sex.
Enlightened people everywhere were totally confused at the results of this study: men who do housework get less sex. Specifically for purposes of illustration, a man who does housework might get sex three times a week when one who doesn’t gets sex five times a week. That’s two extra romps in the hay for a guy who is too manly to fold laundry.
Katie pulled the bullshit lever when I read her this story. She said because I do housework, she feels more like we are equal partners and I get more sex. We don’t have another loverboy in our household (darn!) who struts around like Fabio and callously leaves dirty dishes in the sink, to compare with, so I can’t really prove or disprove her assertion.
But… I have a new girlfriend who is very attracted to very very bad manly men. Men with macho jobs like police or firemen, military, or even guys just having tattoos or a motorcycle, turns her legs to jelly. And she loves to complain bitterly about how she fawns over them and takes care of them and they don’t even buy her Christmas presents, they slap her, put holes in her drywall, and kick her cats across the room. And yet she is still attracted to the next one that comes along.
I, on the other hand, am a sensitive guy and inadvertently, it seems, I am rather adept at seduction. She loves that I treat her with such respect, that I talk about my feelings, that I ask her questions and show curiosity about who she is. But it took a long period of friendship before she decided that I might make an interesting sex partner, and it never took more than a few hours for the other guys, who are not otherwise any better looking than I am, to get to the same place.
So I am curious to see what readers make of that.
Choreplay = Seduction.
I like it! 😀
I do a fair amount of cleaning (especially the kitchen ~ I have major OCD issues when it comes to keeping that particular room clean), but one thing I adore about my spouse is that he knows which chores I like the least (read: which chores I loathe), and he takes it upon himself to see that they are done.
:: swoon ::
I’m afraid I have never understood Bad Boy Syndrome. Maybe because I’m not a masochist.
(Also because if somebody kicked one of my cats, they’d be lucky to get out of my house alive.)
As for the long friendship prior to sexual involvement:
To my way of thinking, genuine friendship is incredibly seductive. It seems to me that being friends first would enhance your compatibility with one another as lovers, because… You’ve already taken so much time and care with getting to know each other’s preferences, you already understand and accept each other’s quirks, and there is an established element of trust that could/would/should lead to deeper level(s) of intimacy.
And when someone knows you well enough to know your hotspots and trigger points… And to demonstrate how much they care for you by *doing* the things they know you crave/respond to/desire/need… And your friend-turned-lover knows these things about you because (1) you’ve trusted him/her enough to share these things, and (2) he/she has made it a priority to remember the things you’ve shared…
Very, very, veryveryvery seductive, my friend.
I still haven’t gotten the time to tell you about this new, wonderful friend in my life but yes in ways that have totally surprised me she deeply understands the art of seduction. And mostly that is done by communicating, being willing to share herself and understand me. And being just generally awesome.
And the ongoing seduction in a marriage… it has a lot to do with keeping love fresh, and serving one another by anticipating and meeting the other’s needs.
…the ongoing seduction in a marriage…
Exactly. Seduction is ongoing.
And I 100% agree with you that it is mostly about communication.
Oh and from my knowing you, your comment about someone kicking your cat made me howl with laughter. No, I do not think they would get out of that situation alive. Or at least without terrible pain and humiliation.
Damn right they wouldn’t!
I am Tigress, hear me RAWR. 😉
I love about you that like me you are much more protective of others and their feelings than you are of yourself. And that my dear is SEXY.
One problem I have a lot in my relationships is that because I am so willing to shower people with attention and affection they end up feeling so secure in the relationship that they fail to remember that I need ongoing seduction. Because I either bore easily or I am a little insecure. Either way when they don’t want to contribute to “us” my heart goes into a deep freeze and it is easy for me to grow distant.
My sister has an awesome way of avoiding this, she is so self-actualized. She says to people: “pay attention to me, dammit!” And it actually works. So I have taken to expessing my needs better… but a bit less Miss Piggy than she does, LOL!
Miss Piggy RULES. 😀
First: This should have come with a “Don’t sip coffee and read” warning. Your humor and comic timing are giggle fit inducing.
There are few things on this planet more seductive, alluring, enticing then a man who has a pithy humor, who can be beguiling and “get your funny bone good” in self-deprecation.
Give me a guy who can make me laugh with my heart involved, because he is so endearing in his humor overall, I don’t care if he does dishes or can get urine stains off the toilet bowl. A man who can and will it all? Skate along Apollo, this one is the winner.
After reading this and a few of your other blog posts (congrats on the new baby girl) you have something bad boys never have: A sense of humor that is both keenly observant, perspective aware, and empathetic. This humor you have has a whole slew of built in seductive traits. It’s easy to see how, understand how, you charmed (seduced) your girlfriend into being your wife and the mother of your child.
If more guys (people in general maybe?) could grasp how vital and how seductive a “perspective aware” sense of humor is…well personally…if this were to happen I know I’d have fewer people in my world who were walking around talking about how hard it is to find the “right one”. The one who can’t find the right one have no concept of using humor as seduction.
Besides my “enthrallment” with your humor…I am also walking away from your words thinking “spontaneity” is as much part of seduction as anticipation is.
Quote:
And the ongoing seduction in a marriage… it has a lot to do with keeping love fresh, and serving one another by anticipating and meeting the other’s needs.
—————————————-
Amen!
Okay so my head (and what little ego I might have) are swimming joyfully at the moment because of the amazing sweet compliments you have paid me. Thank you.
And who doesn’t like knowing someone found them funny? (Rather than funny-looking as is usually the case!)
And I do think that spontaneity, intelligence, charm, and humor along with honest communication, are the only way to conduct relationships and all of these things should be woven into a good seduction.
You are more than welcome!
It’s a facet of personality, when we look for a life partner that I think too many people over look.
My husband and I have been married for what seems like forever and have weathered some rough times….and we both attribute some of the survival in the rough times to the fact even when we didn’t like each other so much….we found our way back to each other because we could still “tickle each other’s funny bones”. ….and that paved the way to being about to get the “honest communication” going again…and well……seducing each other.
And being able to find sincere humor, perspective aware humor……can keep things from blowing apart to the point damage is done.
THAT’S sexy and seductive! 🙂
Hell, I cook and clean and rarely does it get me anything than damned good food and a clean place to eat it in. I have pledged to do whatever has to be done to please my woman because when you love someone, there shouldn’t be too many things you should be unwilling to do, like clean the bathroom. It’s not a carrot and stick thing because these things have to be done (unless you like shitty food and a dirty home) and the reward, as I said, is knowing that you got the job done and you did it well.
Now, if she wants to give up the booty after my stint as maid and cook, well, I’m not gonna object… but I don’t think she should fuck me just because I did the windows – she should do it because she wants to, feels the need to, loves me, wants to seduce me – whatever gets her coochie all wet and tasty so I can eat her into oblivion… then fill her with my seed, ya know?
You know, once a relationship starts wearing the newness off and the honeymoon’s pretty much over, if you don’t know how to seduce each other, not only will you may not get laid but you’re taking the life out of your relationship. I mean, duh, you had to seduce each other into having the relationship at all, yeah? So why stop the seduction? I love being seduced just as much as I love being the seducer; it’s an art, a necessary skill and if you don’t know how to do it, don’t like doing it, or you think you’re being conned, well, God help you.
You just can’t live and love together without seduction…
…there shouldn’t be too many things you should be unwilling to do, like clean the bathroom…
I don’t do bathrooms.
Or cat boxes.
My husband does those things, because he knows I’m squingy about them. He does them because he wants to alleviate my burdens… Because he wants to be helpful in a meaningful way… And because he wants to please me.
My dear friend Ganien ~ who is a great lover of women, most especially his wife ~ is the same way.
It’s not so much the action as it is the motivation behind it: To support, To assist, To please…
*That* is incredibly seductive. 😉
Nah, I won’t clean the cat box, either…
Baaa-ha-ha-ha-ha! 😛
Poor, poor, poor pussy… 😉
Mister Fever has decided he is a poet:
QUOTE
she says I look so cute when I’m doing all these chores
especially when I’m bent over scrubbing dirty floors
It makes her think of lovin’ when I’m cleaning up this oven
and if I fold this laundry right I’m getting lucky tonight
END QUOTE
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