Dear Da,
My Love,
To Whom It
Hello, Stranger.
For that is, in fact, who you have become. Of your own accord.
Communications between us once flowed like glacial melt, trickling from under layers of hard-packed experience, each drop pouring into twin streams of desire that merged into a swell of undeniable force. Swirling in whirpools through cut-canyon past pains, surging through rock-strewn eddies, tumbling over sharp cliff faces of mutual fears; your words teemed when mine poured. We rose in torrent and slid against one another, crashing from uncontrollable currents into the calm smooth-glass surfaces we labored to create.
I let you in.
I showed you things – pieces of me I’d never before revealed, parts of you you’d not previously uncovered – and found joy even through the pain of doing so because I was doing it with you. It was worth it to me. You were worth it to me.
And then one day you were gone.
No explanation. No apology.
Just…
Vanished.
Disappeared without a trace.
You became a ghost.
And I can’t help but wonder…
Are you haunted?
In the night, when you turn in your sleep, does the spectral impression of my lips against your back sear your shoulder blades? Do you wake with a sharp intake of breath, having felt the semblance of my figure wrapping around your body, my breasts pressing against your ribs, my thighs molded to yours? Can you feel my cheek nuzzling that place – my place, between your neck and your shoulder – in the small hours between deep sleep and dawn?
When you sit down at your table to eat, do you steal glances at the seat I once occupied? Do your eyes land on the rounded smooth surface that last held my plate, or does your gaze get caught on the way down by the vision of the smile I used to give you?
Does your hand still reach for my thigh when you’re driving alone?
Do you
Can you
Are you
It doesn’t matter.
None of it matters any more. Not what we had, not who we were, together. You took all the importance out of our togetherness when you chose to walk away, alone.
Funny how ‘alone’ was the one thing you were most terrified of being. Maybe one day you’ll stop being afraid long enough not to be.
I’ve long ago stopped clinging to your shadows. But I can’t help but wonder…
How long will your inability to say goodbye keep you clinging to mine?
Yours (not anymore),
Love,
Wishing you,
Disillusioned,
Me
She has exorcised his ghost.
Once upon a time he felt like home.
Now the once-strong abode in which they found solace is naught but the skeletal structure of an abandoned house.
Haunted.
Not a pleasant post to read as it brings back memories of breakups for all your readers. I’ve never done that walk. I’ve always done any breakup by talking it out in person. I have had it done to me and I know how much it hurts. If you’re still in a hurting way, I wish you the strength to move on. If this is the last vestige of a relationship finally done, I wish you a happier future. All the best!
Thank you. 🙂
This is a retrospective of sorts. It’s not new or fresh, just a reality I once faced. I know I’m not alone in that, which is one of the reasons I put it out there.
Powerful! I hope this is from memories long from long ago. Your skillful choice of words express such raw emotion.
Raw… Yes, that’s definitely the right word to describe what it felt like at the time.
And yes, this post is made from memories. We all have to love and learn. 🙂
Whilst not a beautiful subject this is beautiful writing in that it captures the pain and disillusionment that comes with this type of parting
Mollyx
Molly recently posted…A Dress to Die For
Rather like a Dickensonian spirit: the ghost of relationships past…
*hugs* getting abandoned and ghosted in a relationship is, imho, one of the worst things to do to someone. It’s a mental abuse who’s shade can and will linger with someone. It doesn’t take a lot to say “it’s over”, but ghosting has become more the norm in today’s dating word. In my mind this is a childish, cowardly way to treat someone, regardless of the length or depth of the relationship. Not responding after the “it’s over” conversation, even if it’s as brief as those two words, that I can understand, sometimes we need to step away for our own sanity. But if you’re going to have a relationship with someone, intimate or casual, people should have the respect for one another to not ghost.
I am a firm believer in cutting off contact if that’s what’s necessary, but when you’ve been in a relationship that has been built on trust and vulnerability and communication, it is unforgiveable to walk away without a word.
Dating… I can’t really speak to that, because I don’t date. But I find it disturbing that there are so many people for whom a simple “This isn’t working for me” statement/conversation seems to be an impossible feat. I have higher expectations than that.
Ha! I’ve felt like that a few times. With a lover and with a friend.
I don’t know what happened.
But your writing is… powerful, resplendescent. Thank you for sharing.
That’s exactly it: I don’t know what happened.
I’d rather have a relationship with someone who has a history of saying goodbye than with a person who can’t bring themselves to say it at all.
Feeling you, Feve.
Thanks for the potency of your words.
They speak to me on a few levels
with echoes of my own with a few
“What happened’s…?!”
Just… gross.
Lolaxo
“Gross” made me chuckle briefly. Now I want to say “Eeeeuuuuw!” *laugh*
It’s an appropriate descriptor though. The relationship equivalent to nails-on-a-chalkboard.
The sense of loss is palpable in this write. Strong stuff, Feve.
100 proof.
You have managed to capture so many feelings in this post. It’s brilliant writing!
Rebel xox
Marie Rebelle recently posted…Erection
Thank you. 🙂
Nice BLOG!!! ADD my BLOG too!!! Kisses!!!
Thanks. 🙂