Nonsense

There is, in BDSM guru-ism and Relationship Coaching and how-to-get-along-with-others psychology, much ado about communication.  “COMMUNICATE!!!” shout The Experts™, in screaming red all-caps font.

But sometimes communication is, quite literally, a bunch of nonsense.

“What are you doing?” asks my hubby, walking into my reading space, all bright eyed interest and giddy bouncing excitement.

I look at the book I’m holding in my hand, then at the cat that’s been occupying my lap for the past hour while I’ve read, before looking up at him with a blank face.  “What am I doing?  Did you really just ask me that?”

He looks confused.  I’ve just asked a question, haven’t I? says the befuddled expression on his face.  What did I just say?

I take pity on him.

“Obviously,” I declare with schoolmarm-declaratory intonation, “I’m dancing the tango with Elvis Presley.”

This is par for the course in my house, and the “What are you doing?” question – which never actually means What are you doing? – has become more of a ridiculous ritual than the basis for relevant repartee.

Me (sitting at the computer, typing when hubs enters the room):  Hi, hon.
Him:  What are you doing?
Me (still sitting at the computer, typing):  Vacuuming.
Him:  Oh.

Me (blowdrying my hair in a steam-filled bathroom, just out of the shower):  Hi, hon.
Him:  What are you doing?
Me (still blowing myself dry):  I am examining the carcass of a heretofore-unknown specimen of dinosaur.
Him:  Oh.  Well, speaking of dinosaur boners…

Me (sprawled out naked on the bed, rubbing my clit):  Ungh.
Him:  Ooooh… What are you doing?
Me (still jilling off):  Trying on my princess crown.
Him (eyeing the array of pleasure tools strewn across the sheets):  Can I wield your scepter?

There is much that can be gleaned from observation.

There is much that can be communicated – both verbally and via body language – with precision and intention.

But quite frankly…

When it comes to my marital relationship?

Communication is mostly just a bunch of nonsense.