When it comes to engaging with my lovers (spellcheck just changed ‘lovers’ to ‘livers’ and then tried to change the parenthetical ‘livers’ to “Oliver’s” — because, Please sir, may I have some more?) in creative ways, I am open to just about anything, even if that ‘anything’ is something I’m otherwise pretty “meh” about. One thing I’m pretty good at (if I do say so myself) is figuring out how/why certain activities are turn-ons, and developing a scenario in which that activity is one I can embrace. One of those “meh” things I have not quite figured out how to tweak to suit my personal/relationship parameters, however, is role play.
Of course, I’ve never had a partner ask me to engage in role play. So there’s that.
I mean, I was asked by a partner to play Dungeons & Dragons once, and I agreed. Which is technically role play. But the game never came to fruition and the whole fantasizing-about-being-someone-I’m-not thing just isn’t my cuppa (especially when said fantasizing is expected to be done D&D style, where all the characters seem to be bloodthirsty and the settings are all Dark Ages and everyone thinks dragons are bad; I am a dragon, m’kay? — dragons are NOT bad, thankyouverymuch), so I didn’t much mind the non-event. Honestly, unless there were efforts made on all sides to make it an enjoyable experience for me, I suspect it would have just served to solidify my “meh” attitude about role play.
And I suppose, to be clear, I should state that where “meh” is concerned, I am specifically talking about character-based role play. Like, stepping into the character of a ’50s housewife or a (supposedly) sexy French maid, or playing the role of cop/nurse**/headmistress/nun/insert-role-here…
I just don’t see how that’s sexy.
**I make a terrible nurse, by the way.
I can see how it’s FUN, yes.
But sexy? No.
So bedroom costumes that include wimples and veils or handcuffs and batons? No thank you.
Dressing up for another reason – Halloween, for instance – and planning some sexy times in a way that incorporates those costumes? That’s totally something I’d do. But if I tease him to hardness at a costume party while wearing Victorian vampiric accoutrements, I’m just being playful – and being myself – in a way that suits the occasion; I may be wearing a costume, but we both know that I’m still me.
And I think that’s the crux of the (non-)issue.
Besides the fact that I am not a thespian…
I like myself just fine the way I am, and I’m happy with my REAL role{s} in my relationship{s}. As is/are {t}he{y}.
So I may choose to wear stiletto boots or bunny ears or athleisure-wear or nothing at all. Accessories are not necessary; we both know who’s boss, who’s animalistic, who’s relaxed, and who’s comfortable in her own skin: I am.
And I like me just fine.
So, it seems, do my partners.
Why would I pretend to be anyone else?
Feve:
The answer to the question
is quite obvious in your case–
you shouldn’t ! 🙂 Be Feve !!!!
I think I can manage that. 🙂
Yeah, it’s not really a thing for me, either. I’ve had a couple of “I’m a pirate, you’re my prisoner!” things that worked, but it was all mental. No dress up, no props, no pretending to be someone else – it was more that he went “aaaarh!” a lot and I got to react as myself. (If you can sort of see what I mean…)
But the whole “pretend you’re someone else” thing? Nah.
You want someone else, you go find someone else.
In fact, feel free to leave now to start your search…
Jz recently posted…Six Month Check-Up
Yes, I see exactly what you mean — no ‘sort of’ about it. 🙂
I’m too much of a “go with the natural flow” person to be comfortable with anything that feels scripted. So I can totally see how “aaaarh!” would be huge fun, as long as we’re just being ourselves. The minute it’s “I’m Edward Teach and you’re _________,” the fun is all gone.
I have done it and can’t say it’s for me either. Being myself is definitely preferable!
Julie recently posted…Role play
I would definitely try it if a partner wanted to; it’s not in any way natural for me though, so expectations would have to be very clear.
I’m with you 100% on this, I’ll happily wear costumes (we’ll happily within reason, I’m no princess) but get me to act a role that isn’t me and I’m all out of sorts and not feeling sexy at all!
Bee recently posted…Toy
I think the closest thing to a costume I’ve ever worn (for sexy purposes, anyway) was a red Christmas teddy with white fuzzy trim at the top. But as I wasn’t attempting to be anyone but myself, I don’t think it counts. 🙂
I feel similar about it to you actually. I am happy with dressing up for something, that can be fun and exciting but when I have my witches hat on I am still ME just in a witches hat.
I did write a scenario for my KoTW post which I think we might try at some point but even then I am still pretty much being me.
Mollyx
Re: You, in a witch’s hat ~ I can’t remember the name of the movie, but some years ago there was a Halloween-y fun film out that had Bette Midler as a Salem witch who came back to life in modern times. Besides the hat (which was somehow SO Bette), the part I remember that made me laugh was when she and her witchy cohorts discovered the vacuum cleaners. Why ride a broom when you can hoover it?! 😉
Anyway, I can totally picture this as a fab photo just waiting to be created. And since you mentioned witch’s hats and you are the queen of fab photos… 😉
DnD is perhaps the most terrible RPG out there, so yeah, I’d say you’re not missing much.
I remember when that kid got killed playing at Michigan State in the early ’90s. I read about him with some interest because at the time there were several males in my peer group who played, some at what I considered unhealthy escapist levels. I actively tried, at the time, to wrap my brain around it. But I’ve never understood the appeal.
We tried a role play thing once, not the costume type, the character type. it went horribly wrong real quicly and ended up in sobbing and a couple of shots of whisky. Both for me.
Oh dear…
I think sometimes it’s hard to gauge where the ‘person’ ends and the ‘character’ begins; there’s SO much room for error/hurt/misunderstandings. I hope you were able to work it out once the whiskey settled.