Getting Your Kink On

There is a misapprehension among the kink-curious, I think, that you can just jump right into whatever kinky thing you are interested in – without prior exposure or knowledge – and that Voila!  You will be Instantly Amazing and perfect at All The Things right away.

I can understand why, considering the types of photos we see and the stories we read.  There is much available in terms of both written and visual material when it comes to The Sexy End Result; not so much about the steps people took to get there.

But the idea that one should be able to go from zero to Insta-Kink in 3.2 seconds flat?

Um…  NO.

Applying one’s rational brain to the circumstances at hand (i.e., having never even held a rope in your hands before means you’re probably NOT going to be the King of Kinbaku the first time you try it) is always a good idea; somehow, though, ‘rational’ seems to take a swan dive out a high window when the subject at hand involves kinky things.

This is partly due to the not-geared-to-beginners nature of a lot of easily-available online material.  (Or – worse – the dangerous and incorrect information provided in the guise of ‘tutorials’ available thus.)

But it can also be attributed to the occasionally-overenthusiastic “YES!”-ness and the unthinking/irrational desire-to-please on the part of play partners.  By that, I don’t mean that wanting to please our partners by trying new things is wrong.  Of course not.  Rather, I mean that – often – in our rush to Do This New Kinky Thing RIGHT NOW (before someone changes their mind), we are prone to make mistakes.  And in so doing, we can get it wrong.  If/when that’s the case…

Best Case Scenario:  Someone is uncomfortable, overwhelmed, confused, or bored.

Worst Case Scenario:  Someone gets hurt.

To avoid those scenarios:  The following articles are How-To examples I’ve found for Getting Your Kink On that mange to maintain enthusiasm without curtailing the hotness potential or compromising safety.  (Section titles are links.)  Please click through if you wish to learn a thing or two. 🙂

Cock and Ball Spanking by Caged Lion at Male Chastity Journal

I’ve written about spanking my husband’s cock before, in an erotic context, and while I assume that readers would be wise enough to ask questions or do some research on their own before trying that particular form of CBT at home (as opposed to saying “That’s hot, wut?  Let’s give ‘er a go!” and damaging their erectile tissue as a result), I realize that {1} sometimes people just don’t think to look for educational information ahead of time (because, HOT KINKY THING!!!), and {2} other times the information they find is misleading.

From Caged Lion’s (not-misleading) text:

Oddly, many women love male genital spanking. I’m not going to go all Freudian on it. You draw your own conclusions. Anyway, there is a need for understanding the proper technique in cock and ball beating. Unlike the butt, the genitals are easy to injure and turn a fun session into a medical problem.

I realize that ‘medical problem’ holds its own kinky connotations for some; we can discuss medical fetishism another time.  For now, let’s focus on not breaking anything impotent important.  😉

10 Steps To Make Your First BDSM Playtime Amazing by Ferns at Domme Chronicles

I think of Ferns like…  A sort of Fairy Domme-Mother(?)  Except she’s not particularly motherly.  Or fairy-like.  (And I mean that in the best way.)

She’s a no-nonsense dominant woman who knows what she wants and takes the time to share her wealth of knowledge with newbies.  In her own words, this is:

…the information I wish I’d had when I was a baby Domme and didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I really wanted someone to just ‘tell me how to do it right’ and what I got instead was ‘you’re the dominant, you get to do what you want’ which was rage making and not at all useful.

This article is brilliant and practical and applicable to anyone who wants to play in a FemDom way.  AND it includes a link to her book that includes even more helpful advice.

The Secret to Success by Floss at FlossDoesLife

Also a bit of Femdom advice, this post – which is part of a larger series of information and advice posts on the subject of F/m interactions – builds on this wisdom:

They [your /s partner(s)] want your attention.

She says, of the above:

I want you to seriously consider what it is I am saying and commit it to memory and remind yourself of it every time you think you might be getting something wrong.

So true.

5 Things to Know About Face Slapping by Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM

Face slapping can be hot.  It can also be very very NOT.  The key, if you’re going to try it, is to be aware of physical impact and the effects (and damage) it can cause.  Click the title for simple, easy-to-follow guidelines on how to make slapping a sexy, safe activity.

Needle Play: just a few small pricks by Missy at Submissy

This post outlines an admirably practical approach to trying a new kink activity within an established D/s relationship dynamic.  I process new kinky things in much the same way, and I think it’s important for everyday people – people with jobs and families and limited time and limited access to live community events – to see what the learning curve looks like, and to see that having a learning curve is normal.  We are not all experts; expertise takes practice.  And this is a fantastic take on prickly practice.

We tend to try things out before we add them into a scene, so what we have done so far in terms of needle play is really just the start. I have sometimes thought of this practice as a type of training for play and this method, while not sexy as such, has worked really well in allowing us to find out where the limits of pleasure and pain lie when trying something new.

All the YES to this.

Do you have recommendations for helpful How-To articles on kink?

What kinky things would you like to see more practical guides for?