So this is a bit of a blogging experiment, I guess. The success(?)…
Well, success is an odd variable. I mean, my experiments are known to result in explosions… of various… kinds…
Which may or may not indicate success, in terms of “it turned out how I wanted/expected/demanded.”
[…pondering verbiage…]
.
.
.
Eh.
*shrug*
Success will do.
Ahem.
So. The success of this blogging experiment is pretty much dependent on YOU. (As in, you, dear reader. Yes, YOU.)
Specifically, it is dependent on whether or not you have any interest (or desire to express said interest) in FemDom-ish whatsamahoozits.
It is equally dependent, I suppose, on ME. As in: Will I actually have anything useful/helpful/laughable to say on the topic/question(s) you may pose?
Which…
Uhm. I have no idea?
HOWEVER
After one of my partners said, “Well, you should have quite a bit of material to draw from on *that* topic” when I was pondering FemDom As A Thing™, I kind of went…
Uh?
Because really… I don’t think of myself in that way.
I mean: Yes, I lean toward F/m dynamics in my relationships. And yes, I suppose I am a bit Domme-y in my own way(s).
Sometimes.
Okay, most times. 😛
But when I think of FemDom, I think of all the beastly-bitch-bordering-on-abuse tropes and of kink-focused fetishization (which is typically done for male pleasure, so how is that all about female control, exactly?), and that’s just not me.
Yes, I have occasionally been known to wear stiletto boots. And yes, I can be an incredible bitch. (Emphasis on ‘incredible’. 😀 ) But while I have been known to give a few swats to an ass in need of reddening (remember what I said about ‘success’ equaling ‘explosions‘?), I’m really more “soft place to land” than “harsh mistress.”
But it occurs to me that for many of you who read here, the fact that I engage in certain (seemingly-kinky) activities or approach my relationship(s) from an FLR point of view may equate simply to “FemDom” in your perception.
Which is perfectly okay.
And if that is the case… Given some of the things you may have read on this blog…
Perhaps you have questions?
And maybe (MAYBE) I have answers.
So. Here’s the blogging experiment:
- You ask me questions.
- I answer.
See? Success (or suck-cess, as the case may be) depends on YOU.
Me too, of course. (See #2, above.)
But firstly on YOU.
So if you have ever read something here that had you going, “Hnh” or puzzling your brow or otherwise causing a confused/befuddled/curious/Whaaa…? response, or left you wondering about the hows or whys or wherefores or therefores:
Now is the time to ask.
Maybe you have questions about tease and denial? Ruined orgasms? CBT? Spanking? FinDom? Relationship structure(s)? Kinks? Expectations? Everyday responsibilities? __________?
Again: Now is the time to ask.
You may consider this an open forum.
Annnnd…
GO!
OH!
And: If you are shy or nervous or otherwise unsure about leaving a comment for public consumption, you are welcome to contact me with your questions by using the form below.
Role ‘reversals’, tease and delay, and FLR are all fascinating dynamics !
I’m always very interested in your spin on them.
And I think your ‘soft place to land’ reference is a beautifully phrased one.
🙂 Git It Feve !!! 🙂
chris recently posted…The Daily Retro: It Comes High
Thanks, I appreciate that.
And yes: I am ‘soft’ (even if I *am* occasionally hard-headed!) in ways both figurative and literal; we tease that I am “cushy,” especially when the cat conks out against me like his own personal mattress. 😉
Pingback: Scary & Dark #SoSS #51 - Rebel's Notes
My question would be the most obvious one, I think: Why femdom and why does it float your boat?
Ah.
Uhmmm…
You know, it never occurred to me that someone would ask that question. *laugh*
I guess, in all honesty… Because I don’t think of myself in a Femdommy way, I can’t really say it even _does_ appeal to me, let alone why. I mean, I understand why people ‘get’ my activities in a “FemDom” context, but as labels go, it’s not one I choose for myself.
FLR, on the other hand…
I have a strong personality, a sharp mind, and a level head on my shoulders. People have been deferring to my lead for most of my life, across a broad spectrum of applications, for those reasons. So I guess taking the lead – in exploration, in day-to-day decision making, etc – is something that comes naturally to me. And I think… It’s maybe not a great analogy, but I think people who feel adrift after previous not-so-successful romantic entanglements, tend to find an anchor in me. They feed off that, and I, in turn, feed off the energy that brings out in them. And it’s kind of a… I dunno, a virtuous circle(?) of sorts. And I like it. It works for me.
With kink/sex stuff: I’m just not a bottom. Period. Like, EVER. So even though I have occasionally, with certain partners, been Switch-y… Yeah, no. *laugh*
So I’m not sure that answers your question, really. But that’s what I have.
It’s natural.
I like it.
It works for me.
Heh.
If I come up with a more profound reason(ing), I’ll let you know. 😉
Hello Feve!!
I do like Femdom but I might not like all Femdom—does that make sense? I’m in an FLR because it turns me on to be subservient to my wife. She initially was in it because I asked her to lead. Now, she mostly likes it. But there are times when she wants me to make the decision in front of us. But she tells me to do it. It’s not my choice. And that makes all the difference (that and the fact that if she really doesn’t like my decision she can overturn it). For the most part she is now very happy with how things are. Frankly I don’t know why I like it. But I do!
Questions: hmmm. Not sure I have anything meaningful to ask. Have you ever indulged in watersports? Does the concept of caging your hubby do anything for you?
Collaredmichael recently posted…CFnm Part 3!
Yes, that makes perfect sense! That’s kind of what I was getting at in my comment to kdaddy, above. FLR works for me; FemDom, not necessarily. The two concepts are very different – though often related (and conflated) – but I get that the semantics matter more to people who live their meanings than for folks to whom the terms represent abstract concepts.
I think your beginnings, with your wife taking the lead at your request and then gradually owning it for herself, are somewhat typical. Ours were more just naturally in place from the beginning. Like, he’d be not sure about something (money management, household decision, etc) and I’d just be like, “It’s gonna happen like this: __________.”
Very quickly, he just started asking/deferring-to my judgment, with “Should I…?” and “Can we…? and “Is it okay if…?” And it has remained that way.
To your questions:
Watersports: Yes, I have. I’ve mentioned it before on the blog, but not written about it explicitly. Perhaps I should?
Caging Hubby: I’m not opposed to the idea, but neither do I desire it. If he wanted to try it, I’d totally embrace it though, because when it comes to kinks/fetishes/fantasy-enactment, that’s basically how I roll. 🙂
Oddly, though… I think I’d enjoy caging my ancillary partner. He has a strong libido (whereas my husband… not so much any more) and I really like how attentive he is when he’s sexually frustrated (/perpetually aroused). Plus, I think sometimes he uses masturbation as an unhealthy coping tool (he’s bipolar) when he could be channeling his sexual energy in more productive/meaningful/relationship-building ways. Also – and this is a key ingredient for me – he thinks a cage could be hot.
However, it’s just not really logistically feasible right now.
So, instead of femdom in the “classical” sense, you’re the kind of woman who is about getting hers and assertively so and with imagination and your hubby, in particular, is quite on board with it? And you know I was gonna ask the one question you didn’t think about, right?
My next question is are there really any limits or inhibiting things that get in the way of how you prefer to throw it down?
Yes, I’d say that’s a fairly accurate frame of reference. The S&M stuff isn’t so much my thing; it’s about the relationship. I’ve had people refer to my ‘style’ as fitting the label of Gentle Domme and/or Sensual Domme, which is more ‘me’ than “classical” Domme. 🙂
I’m not quite sure what you mean by limits/inhibitions, but…
My limits are mostly either {1} physical (I’m not so young any more, and my spouse has health issues) when it comes to actually DOING a thing, or {2} hard limits, in terms of kink/fetish activities. As in, “Nope, not going there. EVER.”
I’m also highly sensitive to scent and sound, so in a practical sense, my environment is extremely important to my sexual interest/desire/enthusiasm. And on a sexual health level, my libido has waned considerably over the past couple years; peri-menopause has a lot to do with this, so sometimes even when the heart and mind are willing, the body just ISN’T. So yeah, I’d say that’s inhibitive. 😑
I will try to think of a question, but meanwhile, I just thought I’d tell you how much I enjoy your writing style, and how much I’ve enjoyed the thoughtful, considering ways you’ve answered the questions. I’m enjoying reading your responses quite a bit!
Pieces of Jade recently posted…KOTW – Female Domination
Thank you. 🙂
I don’t have a question right now but like Jade I always find your writing to be absolutely excellent, engaging, thoughtful and thought-provoking
Mollyx
Thank you, Molly. 🙂