Wait… You didn’t think I was going to let you cum, did you?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.
You can close your mouth now, ‘kay?

Orgasm Control
-or-
The answer is (probably, most likely) “NO.”

Let’s just be real here for a minute, m’kay?

I give zero fucks about the male orgasm in general.

And I only give a fuck (and it’s a really rare fuck I give these days) about a *specific* male’s orgasm if {a} said specific male is my partner, and {b} I am of a mind to allow him to orgasm.

There are countless biological and sociological intricacies tied up in the way males generally conceptualize and prioritize (their own) orgasm, which I’m not going to go into right now. (You’re welcome.) But suffice to say, the result of centuries worth of “Me Me ME!” that’s been bred into the male brain is that my very-definitely-female response to that kind of wiring is that I just don’t much care about his dick’s desires.

• He has a hard-on? Yawn. Not interested.
• He’s been watching porn is now horny as fuck? Nope, don’t care.
• It’s been seven whole hours since he came? Not. My. Fucking. Problem.

Add in any variation on ‘general male horniness’ that gets brought to my attention because he thinks I’m convenient outlet: FUCK. OFF.

: waits while those who were previously unsure whether they should scamper to now start beating feet for sexier blogs :.

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Now, for those of you still with me: Here’s the catch.

If he is my partner, and his desire for sex is not a generalized “I want to cum” nebulous cloud of want but is instead a long-building sexual-electrical strike-storm of arousal that’s left his blood thundering in his veins specifically for/about/because-of ME…

Well, then. That’s a different story entirely. 🙂

Because then – and only then – I am more than just ‘interested’ in his orgasm.

I am interested in controlling it.

What, you are wondering, does orgasm control look like, Feve?

The short version: Basically, I say “No” a lot.

But there are so many sexy ways to do so!

Tease and Denial

This, in my opinion, is one of the most fun ways to play Orgasm Control games. Generally speaking, it works like this:

1. Get him hard(er),
2. tease him til he’s desperate,
3. then when he thinks he can’t take it any more (or starts babbling or says “You’re gonna make me cum!” or generally indicating his desire for finishing off), say “NO*.”

*or “not yet” or “maybe later” or “me first” or some other variety of “Nope. Not happenin’, dude.”

Is this mean/horrible/heartless/insert-cruel-pejorative-here?

I suppose that depends on how a person is wired.

My husband doesn’t think it’s mean. He thinks it’s hot. After all, {1} he’s just gotten sexual attention from me (and knows that the denial is really just an impermanent delicious delay), {2} he’s energized from the interaction and is looking forward to another, and – best for both of us – {3} his sexual desire has a centralized focus: It belongs to me.

He’s hard for me. He wants sex/orgasm with me. The waiting only increases those desires while at the same time increasing his appreciation for/about his relationship with me and his desire to please me.

Am I truly controlling his orgasm? Uhmmm…

Yes and no.

Really, he’s choosing to submit to my choices where his orgasms are concerned (which is hot as fuck), but by doing so, it’s my choice to say yes or no.

It’s also my choice to say HOW.

Chastity and Forced Orgasms

I know one of the common kinks of the F/m T&D crowd, where the ‘how’ of orgasm control is concerned, is enforced chastity. Chastity is the practice wherein the male partner wears a cage/restrictive-device on his cock and his female partner keeps a key, releasing him only when she feels like it and only allowing him to orgasm (if she feels like it) while he’s released.

At the opposite end of the chastity spectrum is forced orgasms. (DISCLAIMER: I am not saying it must be *either* enforced chastity *or* forced orgasms. Chastity can work hand-in-hand with forced orgasms, or with F/m dynamics in general; it is not either/or but rather a different perspective. So don’t go leaving me screamy comments, m’kay? Thanks.) The general idea being that – rather than allow his orgasm to come (heh) on his time, or in a way that he decides – the female partner decides the circumstances under which her male partner can cum.

• In sixty seconds or less – timed! – with a masturbation sleeve?
• Drawn out over multi-plateau climbs while she edges him?
• Using prostate stimulation and a no-hands-on-cock approach?
• Under the battering pinprick of a removable massaging shower head?
• With merciless waxy strokes of massage oil causing him to spill with a speed that leaves him dizzy?

Yes.

And any other variety of “She decides” that strikes your fancy.

(I especially recommend the massage oil bit. The ohshitnotreadytocumyet combined with fuckthatfeelsamazing and didyoureallyjustforcejizzfromme faces were priceless. Well worth the cleanup required afterward. 😉 )

Ruining His Orgasms

While this often works in conjunction with (and can fall under the umbrella of) forced orgasms, ruined orgasms are kind of a separate thing (and definitely a favorite of mine). With ruined orgasms, the ‘how’ of orgasm control – for me – is just so much more…

Well. It’s just so much more.

First off, a brief explanation for those of you who are thinking ‘ruined orgasm’ is just another way of saying ‘I told him No‘: A ruined orgasm IS an orgasm. What happens in ruining an orgasm is that the male ‘thrust’ response is thwarted, which causes a disconnect between the orgasm itself and the brain’s interpretation of said orgasm.

Men, when they are close to ‘traditional’ orgasm, will thrust through to completion. This can take the shape of up-and-down fist-strokes, hip thrusting into an orifice, or stay-still muscle flexing that simulates the action of thrusting. Ejaculation typically occurs on the forward/upward thrust (when masturbating, the downstroke) and requires a specific type of cock-head stimulation for the brain to translate the orgasm into “Penis discharged. Must sleep now.”

By taking that stimulation away: His orgasm still happens but his body and brain aren’t communicating clearly about the event.

When I do this with a partner, it means:

• He either stays hard or has a next-to-zero refractory period.
• His desire for me stays engaged/active.
• He doesn’t turn into a post-endorphin sleepy useless caveman.
• I WIN!

Heh.

I could write a whole blog post about the various ways to create this particular type of orgasm-control experience (and perhaps I should?), but for now, for my readers interested in trying this with their male partners, here are a few go-to’s I use:

1. Stroke him until he’s almost there, then remove all touch. This forces his orgasm out of him without the ‘end’ stimulation and leaves him wanting more.
2. Using your hands, utilize upstrokes only. This denies him the forward-thrust/downstroke sensation he’s wired for, so he still cums but not in the way he’s accustomed to.
3. Once he’s hard, stimulate the head of his cock only. Rub circles over it with your palm, use a vibrator, tease his urethral slit, etc. His orgasm will still come but because there was no thrusting, his brain won’t interpret it as such.

~ Fin ~

Unless, of course, you have questions. In which case: BEGIN!

🙂