So a few years ago, I told you about my husband’s prostate cancer scare — he had multiple biopsies to eliminate ‘cancer’ as the reason for elevated PSA and was eventually determined “all clear” — and went into another partner’s previous experience with it as well. (See here.) And one of the things I was adamant about through that whole process was Let’s stay on top of this.
And so we did.
But the thing is…
I’m not always that adamant nor am I consistently that “on top of it” when it comes to my own health.
Add in the “you’re not allowed to go to the doctor in person” protocol that was in place for two years because of COVID, multiply by the fact that I dislike doctors/hospitals/medicine (nurses: UGH) in general, and it would be an accurate summation to say I’ve let my own health slide.
For about three and a half years.
(Because that’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen a doctor for a physical.)
Or for about six years.
(Because that’s how long ago I had a pap.)
Which is not good, of course.
But I remedied it recently.
(And now I have a slew of don’t-like-’em doctor’s appointments to attend as a result. Bleh.)
SO. This is what I’m dealing with:
{1} The Face
I have marks all over my body. Freckles and moles started showing up the day I was born, and have continued to accrue as I’ve lived my life. Several years ago, those freckles and moles started popping up on my face. One of the marks on my face, though, was different. It was pink.
When my pink mark first appeared, I was in my mid 30s. At the time it was a small patch of skin that resembled a birthmark. My doctor (at the time; I have a different PCP now) didn’t think anything of it. He diagnosed my other marks/moles as seborrheic keratosis and thought my pink mark was SK as well.
Fast forward a few years.
When I first dropped weight, my doctor’s appointment that year (I used to go annually) was mostly focused around that (because it was a significant change) and around my newly-discovered familial issue with colon cancer. I pointed out during that appointment that my ‘pink keratosis’ was changing — it had gotten slightly larger and the skin acquired a rougher texture — but was told not to worry about it.
By December of 2021, it was showing significant changes, and I was definitely worried about it.
In early April (2022), when I visited my new PCP for the first time (again: this was my first face-to-face doctor’s appointment of the check-up/annual physical variety in over three years), she was concerned too.
So was the dermatologist to whom I was referred, whose immediate response was to burn-freeze it off (painful!) and prescribe me a chemotherapy cream.
“We’re going to try to do this in a way that won’t scar you too badly,” she said.
Mentally, I was like, Shit.
But outwardly, I was calm. (I am always calm.)
So that was at the beginning of last week.
Since then, my burnt/froze skin scabbed over and peeled off, revealing flat (un-rough) skin underneath (still pink), over which I am applying chemo cream twice a day. The cream is basically causing the skin to blister again (because one time blistering via burn/freeze was not enough?), after which — hopefully — new/safe skin will grow in its place.
I will be continuing this treatment for several weeks, then following up with my dermatologist, who will then decide whether she needs to take a knife to my face.
{2} The Place Where My Significant Other Likes To Put HIS Face
After being told — years ago now — by my GYN that “it’s going to hard to tell where PCOS ends and menopause begins,” I’ve just rolled with the punches where my dwindling/now-near-dead libido is concerned, and my answer to sexual pain has been — for the most part — to just not have sex.
Of course, as someone for whom Having A Sex Life was once important, the gradual decline from less to none has been less than fun.
And having the standard response of medical professionals be, “Well, that’s normal” -OR- “Just use more lube,” has left me feeling like FUCK YOU.
So I was loathe to bring it up at my recent visit.
But I didn’t have to. My PCP did. And she did a pap/pelvic exam, during which she said, “Yes, your tissues *do* have the appearance of typical menopausal tissues.” And then she prodded around and asked me how/why/where it hurt.
And this was interesting.
Because for years, I have thought of my vaginal pain as muscular. It feels like I’m seizing up, and penetration just hurts.
But her poking about inside, and the way I responded to the speculum (which… those things bite ass, m’kay?; and it was uncomfortable/tight but it wasn’t painful, at least not in the way pain during sex is painful) made her think to go deeper — literally — and she was like, “I think the issue is with your cervix.”
Hmnh.
So after a bunch of testing to eliminate common causes, she was basically like, “I am sending you to women’s health.”
(I could have saved her the trouble of the testing, because even though my hubby once got gonorrhea for our yard from our neighbor, there’s basically no way *I* could’ve gotten it in my nethers. Because you have to have sex to get that particular disease. And I’m not having sex.)
So now I’m waiting for my women’s health appointment.
And while it’s frustrating to have an ‘answer’ that is actually a question (WTF is wrong with my cervix?), it *does* feel like progress is being made in the Sexual Wellness department.
So we’ll see where this goes.
Meanwhile, the mini-experiment I started a while back is on hold. Someone commented recently on the borked orgasm post something along the lines of “maybe next time.” But really, I don’t know if or when there will be a next time.
A n y w a y
Not to be a downer (and honestly, I’m not down about it; I’m just processing Where I’m At with everything and I’m doing so Out Loud because I really think we need to discuss these kinds of things more openly than we do), but that’s what’s been happening in the Land of Feve.
If you feel like sharing, please do: What’s new with you?
Hey, Feve! It sucks having to deal with all that, but good for you for trying to catch back up. I’m in a similar camp regarding that and it’s very anxiety producing. I will keep you in my prayers, but not in a creepy way or a pat you on the head kind of way……. just kind of Christian Light? lol I do hope everything settles for you soon, the pink thing goes away after this treatment, and that the source of your pain down yonder chills the heck out, is identified and eliminated so you can feel better! Hang in there! Rooting for ya! Hugs, Windy
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Thanks.
Fortunately(?), I’m too much in “management mode” to feel much anxiety. My ‘ugh’ factor is less about “This is stressful!” than it is about “How the heck am I going to fit this into my schedule?!”
It’ll hit me sooner or later. Preferably later.
Meanwhile, thanks for your Light. 🙂
Well, since you asked, I had double lab work to do, one for my PCP and one for my nephrologist and my appointment with him next week. The real fun here was the confusion on the girl’s face at LabCorp trying to figure out why I have two lab slips from two different doctors. I get the results yesterday and, well, I’m still stable but I’ll hear what the doc says next week.
I still gotta call to see what’s up with my vascular surgeon, whose office was supposed to set up my yearly CAT scan and appointment… and, mea culpa, I’m just now realizing that I’ve not heard from his office. I don’t think my dual implanted devices are having problems since I wouldn’t still be here if a major problem happens but I am concerned about the weight of my kidneys “messing up” some stuff because my implants start just below where the kidneys attach to the abdominal aorta.
Otherwise, I feel okay other than spraining my ankle and it’s still messing with me. It seems the older you get, the more doctors you wind up having to see… but see them we must and we should.
Bummer. Sprained ankles are no fun.
I remember my husband’s last visit to vascular… Bluh. Thanks but no thanks. Hopefully all is well and your check-in will be routine!
I would think lab slips from more than one doc would be normal (it is in my world), so that puzzled reaction makes me curious.
I don’t know why either but it was funny. My vascular visits aren’t bad at all. I get scanned, he sees the scan immediately after it’s taken and I spend five minutes with him telling me that everything looks good, see you next year. I some more time getting scanned and going to his office – in the same hospital complex – than I do seeing him. But if he’s not having an “oh shit” moment, I won’t have one either. I have learned that if I see him and he has another doctor with him, I’m having surgery.
Oh yes — tag teams are always a Big Deal.
You’re not alone with crap like this. We have a few things brewing too. In fact, on the Monday after Mother’s Day I am scheduled for yet another basal cancer removal (my third). And don’t even get me started on the knee I just had done. Anyway, this is all part of life …………with increasing frequency as we age. BUT….the one significant area of difference is the ‘maintenance portion’. We are diligent. We lost too many people to crap that we feel would have gone somewhat better had action been taken sooner….so we are very proactive. It’s no guarantee, but it’s our strategy.
Yes, this getting old business comes with a price. I’m sorry you have to have another removal but I’m glad you’re on top of it.
I am keeping my fingers crossed that the cream works for you – i too am a moley person and have often noticed changes in them which in the main i ignore :-/
And good luck with the woman’s health checkup – I must say i went off penetration when i hit the menopause – but like other stuff 🙂
Thinking of u Feve – take care
May x
May More recently posted…Fiction Marathon Feedback: Round One, 2022
Thanks. So far the cream is creating a very dry patch over the mark. We’ll see how it goes.
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Sorry to hear about the spot on your face, Feve, but hopefully the cream will do its work and no cutting will be needed. Good you have been referred to women’s health and I will be interested to hear what they find. Over here things are still the same – my husband’s cancer, and my high stress levels which settles in my back and leaves me in pain, sometimes for days. We just take it one day at a time, which always seems the best way to do it, right?
And yes, I agree with you – we should talk about these things a lot more.
~ Marie xox
I think we’re conditioned to keep “certain things” private, which is generally everything having to do with our physical bodies. But when we do that, there’s no opportunity for us to see a personal perspective on even the most common issues. And while I don’t yet know what’s happening in the women’s health arena, it seems this face thing is pretty common. Which is not something I would have felt if I hadn’t put it out there.
I understand about stress settling in your back. Trauma settles itself physically in the body. I took a workshop recently about that very topic. I may write about it soon.