Here’s a free health tip: Phenylalanine will hijack your blood pressure and jump a rocket ship for the moon, so you might want to *not* consume that particular product. (And for those of you who are like, “Whaaa…?”, or who are thinking, “Dude! I don’t do drugs!”, let me enlighten you: Phenylalanine is found in soda. Mmmm-kay?)
So regardless of the fact that I’ve been trying to get my spouse to take an omega supplement (brain food and cholesterol reducer all in one!) for months now, he has blatantly ignored my sage advice and blithely gone about his own business. Recently, however, the Mister purchased a brain supplement (I’m fresh out of jokes here, but we’re not talking about his little head) that, unbeknownst to us, contained an ingredient that caused his blood pressure to skyrocket. (Yep, you guessed it: Phenylalanine. Fee-nul-al-uh-neen.) I, of course, being the Wife Who Takes Care Of These Things (a.k.a., the Best! Wife! Ever! ~ yes, the title comes with its own exclamation points), called the health food store to arrange for the return of the offending (o-feen-ding) product. As per their policy, we were able to exchange but not return, so the smiling (read: sooo ready to go home) sales clerk directed me to the vegan omega supplement I was looking for and, as a result, unwittingly took part in our momentary marital drama.
The Mister: (holding a bottle of sunflower lecithin, looking befuddled) Maybe I should take this instead…?
Me: (holding my omega supplement, which contains sunflower oil) Maybe you should take this instead.
Le Clerk: If you want to improve brain function, I’d agree with her.
Me: (under my breath, to the Mister) Improve your brain function! Agree with me!
The Mister: (*Snort*) Ungh.
Me: (to the clerk, with a huge smile) I think it’s working already!
Le Clerk: (nodding obliviously) It’s such a smart idea to take omegas.
The Mister: Yeah, my wife is plenty smart. (muttering good-naturedly) She’s brilliant.
Le Clerk: Well, the reason omegas work so well is because of the amino acids. Your brain is made of amino acids, water, and fat.
The Mister: So, considering that my wife is so smart, it’d be accurate to call her a fat head?