Coming Out Party

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I have been doing a lot of thinking lately around the topic of Coming Out.

There are so many things that we, as individuals, are closeted about (sexuality and sexual identity, relationship constructs, kinks, etc), and while it would be wonderful to live in a world where being our Authentic Self is universally accepted and embraced…  Such is typically not the case.  Often coming out of the closet ~ first to ourselves, then to others if we so choose ~ feels a bit less like stepping out of a tiny dark room and a bit more like jumping out of the frying pan…

And into the fire.

Where, like the proverbial forged steel, we are subjected to unbearable heat and withstand a serious bashing before taking our final shape.

Is it any wonder that people are reluctant to come out?

Likewise, is it any wonder that – for some – there comes a point when they can no longer stand to be “in”?  To paraphrase Myrna Loy (again):  Life is about being and becoming.  Sometimes Becoming means forging one’s self through flame and hammer to emerge anew, honed and polished and changed.

I have talked briefly on this blog before about Coming Out, and it is a process I struggle with.  I don’t have a strict and easily-understood Identifying Label; polyamorous does not exactly fit, and for me it’s more about a *person* than a *practice* so…  Who needs to know, exactly?  And why?  And how do I explain it?  I mean, can you picture the phone call?  “Hi mom, just wanna let you know you’ll have to mark us down for 3 at the wedding.  My paramour is flying in to meet us from his home state.”

“Your WHAT?!?”

Oh, yes.  I can see it now.


Or can I?  Hmmm…

When I told her, back in 2003, that I was “bringing home someone who has become extremely important to me,” her initial response was, “Man or woman?”  Heh.  (My mom, for all her faults, is actually pretty fabulous.)

A n y w a y

I have been pondering the topic of Coming Out, in its various forms, and in the process have taken the time to consider what I know of my friends’ and family members’ Coming Out experiences:  my gay brother, my bisexual cousin and nephew, my lesbian friends, my trans clients, who are Out And Proud.  And I also consider my dad’s sister, who is not Out but rather has what is commonly known as an Open Secret.  And my mom’s sister, who is technically bi-sexual and arguably bi-romantic, but who chalks that whole “phase” she went through in college (and afterward) as Reactive Lesbianism.  {Though she doesn’t actually utter the ‘L’ word or admit that she had physical and romantic relationships with women for well over a decade, even though she flaunted her girlfriends unabashedly at the time.  (No, it was just “a phase.”)  She does, however, admit that she was sexually abused by a man when she was young.  Thus, the ‘reactive’ label.  Occasionally, therapy is a Good Thing.}  I also think about the people in my life who are bisexual and polyamorous and kinky (though not necessarily all at the same time), for whom Coming Out Of The Closet (or dungeon, as the case may be) is a very different animal.

I have been fortunate, over the past few years, to have made the acquaintance of a number of beautiful bloggers who don’t just *ponder* Coming Out, but who have gone beyond thinking about it, to experience it, to LIVE it.  People who have figured out Who They Are.  People who are still working on it.  People who are juuust creaking open the closet door.  People who are not only out of the closet but also out of the house and onto the streets and marching at the front of the parade, waving their banners high.

People with stories.

I have asked some of these lovely people to share their stories, here.

Over the coming days you will see a number of posts (interviews, guest posts, advice columns, and – hopefully! – a podcast) surrounding the topic of Coming Out.

I have the utmost respect for those who have chosen to share their journeys.

I hope you will come along for the ride.


0 thoughts on “Coming Out Party

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Thank you, and I appreciate your saying so. I am always blown away by how generous people are with their time and their words. I’m looking forward to sharing. 🙂

  1. dreamlanddancing

    I always look forward to your posts. They frequently inspire me. This one was no exception.
    I did, by the way, quote one of your insightful phrases in one of my last posts about labels, stereotypes and rules.
    Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

    Chazz Vincent

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I’ve found that there is, often, a warm blanket sense of comfort that comes from acknowledging commonality of experience. Knowing that we are not alone in our feelings or our experiences… It brings a sense of peace. 🙂


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