To say it’s overrated is an understatement.


Due to inflation, the sexual position formerly known as 69 will hereafter be called 96.  The cost of dining out has officially gone up.

There are memes floating about the interwebs that say something similar to the above, but apparently the people who make such entertaining re-postables are incapable of avoiding glaring spelling and usage errors.  Too bad, that.

But enough about Language.  Let’s discuss Math, shall we?  Specifically, the number 69.

Sixty-nine (69) is known, in common parlance, as the sexual position in which two partners curve themselves around each other such as to provide the appropriate arrangement for participating in mutual, co-occurring oral stimulation to the genitals.

Sixty-nine (69) is known, in my world, as “What the fuck do you want to do THAT for?”

Not that I don’t want to have my pussy licked.

I mean, OF COURSE I want my pussy licked.  I’m all about having my pussy licked.


Okay, okay. Usually.

Errr…  Sometimes.


Well, now that I think of it…  Really, there’s only one person who’s EVER figured out how to quickly (read: less than 30 minutes) and consistently (at least nine times out of ten) bring me to orgasm with his tongue.  Which, quite frankly, added up to significant points in his favor when I decided to ask him to marry me.

So, to rephrase:  I’m usually all about having my pussy licked, provided it’s my spouse who is doing the licking.

If someone else (by specific invitation) wants to give it a go…

Yes please.  By all means.

But I have approximately ZERO interest in having my being-licked experience disrupted by having a dick in my face.

Put that thing away.



Here’s the thing:

It takes concentrated relaxation on my part to be able to orgasm from oral stimulation.  It requires willpower and focus – to mentally overcome my tickle responses and to breathe through the intensity that sometimes borders on pain when my clit is receiving direct stimulation – for me to be able to orgasm.  When I’m on the receiving end of oral stimulation, I need to focus on myself.  On my pleasure.

And I can’t do that if I’m focusing on YOUR pleasure.

Sixty-nine-ing means that I am in a position to (be expected to) focus on both my pleasure and your pleasure simultaneously.  BUT IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

Because if I’m going to use my mouth on you, you can bet your sweet ass I’m going to be 100% focused on driving you out of your mind.

And if I’m using my mouth on you, I can guaran-damn-tee that *you* won’t be able to focus on anything but the pleasure you’re receiving.  So much so that you’ll have to be reminded to breathe.

So why would I want to subject myself to that level of distraction?

In my experience, 69 means:

  • I get so intensely focused on giving oral pleasure that I pretty much tune out any attempts on my partner’s part to provide me with the same.
  • My partner gets so distracted by my mouthy ministrations that they start getting tongue-stabby and tooth-chewy around my most sensitive girly bits.

So yeah.  I’m not a fan of 69 (or 96, as you will).

Oral sex in general?  Well, it takes time to get it right, but with the right partner(s) it can be really enjoyable.  So…  Sure.  Okay.

Taking turns?  Yes!  (But I’ve found that men are fairly useless after they cum, so if it’s a turn-taking thing, I get mine first.)

Positioning ourselves in a way that is not face-to-face?  Absolutely.  Endless pleasurable positions abound.

But when it comes to 69?

As far as I’m concerned…

You can eighty-six it.


24 thoughts on “To say it’s overrated is an understatement.

  1. Dok Urtybitz

    reminded to have to breathe,, oh yes, yes in deed 🙂 and I agree, most of the time yes one partner of the other gets so into it that the other ends up stopping, not exactly the result promised by the position

  2. Ret MP

    i concur. Just expressed this to my Mister. Such a distraction. Cumming requires focus…but…his response is, I love to play. I’m not all about cumming for me….Hence, three hours pass and we forget to eat and we are always late to things, but very, satisfied… grin.
    Ret MP recently posted…PerspectiveMy Profile

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Somehow I doubt y’all forget to *eat* – though consuming food is probably not top of mind while your mouths are busy elsewhere. 😉

  3. Dawn D

    It’s funny. I can sort of understand where you’re coming from. I have now the opposite problem you have.
    I come just when he blows on me. He won’t come (most of the time) if he doesn’t allow himself to let go.
    So, as you describe, it’s often a matter of him indulging in driving me wild while I sometimes remember his cock is in my mouth and I enjoy licking it too.
    On the plus side, it’s a great way to do noise control 😉

    This said, to us it’s more of a position like any other. One we enjoy from time to time. Not the favourite I think. But far from the least favourite one. Ok, I may be biased. But I’m never the one asking for it. I basically very rarely ask him for anything because I enjoy everything he does to me. He is usually the one asking I turn around and offer him my pussy when I start going down on him. He’s just too impatient and eager to please me I guess.
    After my first real bisexual experience, I understand him better. 😊

  4. Elliott Henry

    I agree with you. I’ve never been a big 69 fan. I want to concentrate on the job at hand pleasing my partner. And when she wants to suck my cock, then I want to just enjoy that sensation. Oral sex takes finesse and a will to please.
    Elliott Henry recently posted…SEXY STRIPEY SOCKSMy Profile

  5. Dawn D

    On a completely different note: 96 appeals to me much less than 69
    I mean, if I wanted to spend time in bed with my partner, I would certainly prefer not spending it his/her butt by mine, curled away from them!
    I mean, 69 I can see some point. 96? Only in unpleasant circumstances. But by all means open my mind to what I may be missing!

  6. Molly

    We pretty much feel exactly the same about 69 and I am definitely like you in that orgasming from oral sex requires me to focus on that and only that.

    Molly recently posted…86ing 69ingMy Profile

  7. Bee

    Nods along, it’s something different to do every now and then but face to face oral is so much better…unless, for me, there is an element of power play, him using it to control me, then it works on a totally different level.
    Bee recently posted…Sixty nineMy Profile

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I think “power” play adds a new/different element no matter what the activity, but it seems especially true of people’s opinions of 69.

  8. Bill

    Daisy chains get broken links when someone starts enjoying it too much.

    Watching my partner cum is a big thing for me. Like most guys I have a voyeuristic streak. So face to face oral is the way to go. Although that doesn’t sound quite right because the faces are separated by the length of the torso. Eye to eye oral sounds more correct.


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