What I Think About When I’m Up at 4:00am And Can’t Get Back To Sleep
I think I would suck at dating.
I mean, I’ve pretty much always sucked at dating. It’s just so… I dunno. Formal, or something.
I know how to be friends with people, and I’m happy to let those friendly vines grow up and over whatever walls they will, seeking heat and sunshine even as they root deeper in the dirt. (Look at me, being all metaphorical and stuff.)
I’m not overly concerned about things like labels though, so keeping my various relationships in neatly packaged little boxes is not high on my priority list. Which means that mostly – and this has been true throughout my entire life – I just let my relationships work themselves out. I don’t date.
Dating my first love was an exercise in WTF.
Dating my husband… Yeah, that didn’t really happen. We met, we meshed, and then we were just… Together. We didn’t ‘date’. Still don’t.
Dating, quite frankly… Well… The word alone makes my insides squeege up in revolt.
For some reason, people do it though. And these days it’s apparently much more gadget-induced and app-enhanced than ever. Which I might be down for if we were talking about sex toy tech. (You mean I can control that vibrating butt plug remotely, from my phone, three thousand miles away??? Sign me up!!!) But alas, that is not the case.
From what I understand, it’s more like Fill This Out and Upload Your Photos and Share Seventy Billion Private Things About Yourself and ALL THIS, Only $179/month! (Cost of headaches not included.)
Or, y’know, get the free version and knock yourself out.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I’m not looking to date anyone right now, but if I was, I’d still say “no thanks” to this version of The Ridiculousness™.
Some people believe that all this e-dating business gives them more choices, and that more – simply by virtue of volume – is somehow better.
Not only do I believe that a larger pool of potential partners does NOT higher quality choices make (if the pool is desperately in need of chlorination, the size of the pool matters only in terms of how much effort you want to put into decontaminating it), but I’m an introvert. And kind of a bitch. So all that people-ing (virtual or otherwise)? Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.
Since I was up at an ungodly hour this morning and am, for the moment, completely incapable of returning to slumber, I thought I’d give the whole Modern Dating thing a go. Theoretically, anyway.
So to start with, I’d need a profile, right? Let’s see…
Name: Hmmm… That depends. Let’s go with Ma’am.
Sex: Yes, please.
Height: That doesn’t really matter, does it? You’ll be kneeling.
Weight: Of the World
in the back of my head EVERYWHERE
sport coupe Vintage American Muscle
Kinks: a few, mostly in my lower back first thing in the morning
Looking For: My keys. Have you seen them?
How am I doing so far? Shall I continue?
Hobbies: Oh, dear. You’ve misspelled Hobbits.
Interests: Generally low. But my dividends are high.
Preferences: Does this really need to be spelled out? How about, “Don’t be a douchemonkey.”
Yeah, I really am not good at this whole dating thing.
How about you?