Oooof.
Sharp.
Sand-rough.
Grit hard scratch against tender soft un-wet.
Hiss of breath between teeth.
His: pleasure. Mine: pain.
Stinging pricks of icy rain batter the insides of my eyes. I lower my lids to contain the swelling storm.
Hovering above me, muscles tensed – anxious, alert, aroused – he stills.
Slowly, gently, with soft trembling release of breath, we exhale into one another.
He speaks. A low murmur of acknowledgement – “I know you’re hurting” ~ no more, no less – lands like a kiss in the sweet spot behind my ear.
The copious slathering of lubricant on his wettened cock combines with the froth of his saliva and sticky damp remnants of barely-there coaxed-drip cum from my moments-before orgasm, so hard-won; I feel the slippery slickness moistening my inner thighs even as my abraided insides protest their seemingly-nonexistent lubrication in pain.
This penetration – rendered gently tender – is a scar-tear rending. What should be pleasureful sensation is… Not. The somatic perception is misaligned with the erotic expectation.
The tactile experience is skewed: slick slippery heat is the external presentation of arousal he feels against his (fore)skin; for me, the slipslide expected is anything but. The mismatched sensations are difficult to reconcile.
What he feels drenching his cock is a river that now runs so many miles below the desert sands of Me that the strata burying the in-between is centuries deep.
And yet…
Time, we have.
Patience we will find.
Together, we can – we will – newly excavate this once-known earth.
He moves against me, seeking anew the trickle-forth tell of arousal.
Tonight though, this well is empty.
Opening my lashes, my blue cloud gaze meets the questioning solicitousness staring back at me, and the contained-pain storm bursts.
Perhaps it’s true that Pleasure is most acute when discovered on the other side of Pain. After all, Love – as the song says – hurts.
I just wish it didn’t hurt quite like this.
You really have a wonderful way with words. I so enjoy your posts. This time though I want to say how much I like your dragon tattoo. So this post is both a visual and intellectual feast!
Collaredmichael recently posted…Cum Sunday or Cum Here! And Here…And Here!!
Thank you!
I wish for you that it didn’t hurt so much 🙁
Rebel xox
It’s hit and miss. We don’t really do penetration as a general rule at this point, but when we do… Sometimes it’s fine; other times, not so much.
It’s a peculiar somatic response, though. I will sometimes feel dry as a bone, even though in actuality there is plenty of lubrication. Other times, he will worry that I’m not wet enough but I’m perfectly comfortable.
It’s just life, I guess. The changes require adjustments, and that’s what we do: change and adjust.
I was going to make a comment about how so much is a mental game. This was beautiful to read and also painful. I imagine the experience was similar. Do you find that, situationally, the more painful couplings are connected to anxiety or preoccupations with other things? My mind wants to find a medical cause so I’m puzzlingly this out.
Really I do hope you find a solution
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That’s a good question, but no. While I’ve definitely had sex while pre-occupied and/or anxious, the associative somatic response is not pain.
I’m peri-menopausal. While pain during sex is not my personal norm, neither is it abnormal for women undergoing hormonal shifts.
And I appreciate that the beautiful/painful experience presents in the reading; it is both beautiful and painful when things like this happen. It’s a different type of intimacy, but it’s an experience that deepens our connection in new and beautiful ways regardless of (or perhaps because of) the hurt.
“It’s the love that goes through the hardest trials and survives that’s worth having.”
Kate Ashley.
Your dragon tattoo drew me in but I stayed for your words. It fascinates me to read about your pleasure/pain while finding pleasure in the writing that expresses such emotions. Then I think of you experiencing pleasure and remembered pain writing your post, and hopefully, reading/thinking about feedback.
Sometimes Feve your posts tie me in knots and this is clearly one of them.
Final thought: There is a lot of wet/dry in the last little while…
Indie xx
I’m not sure what you mean by your final thought, but as for the rest: It’s important to me to present my reality, even when reality is painful, because I know I’m not alone in my imperfect physicality, even if I am sometimes a singular voice in putting my aging-is-sometimes-uncomfortable imperfections ‘out there’.
Hormonal changes are a thing. I wish more people would talk forthrightly about their experiences with those changes.
Mixed reactions to this kind of post are to be expected, I think. Thanks for reading, and for taking the time to share your response to my words.
xo
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