Wanton Wednesday: Kinky Fuckery Edition

      74 Comments on Wanton Wednesday: Kinky Fuckery Edition

WARNING:  Cartoon porn included within.  Proceed at your own risk.

Before we begin, some introductions are in order.

Everybody?  This is Nate:  Nathan  (Nate is has a research monkey.  He also has hairy feet.  See the comments section for details.)

Nate?  This is Everybody.

Nate asked a question recently that I have been OBSESSING ABOUT, and he hasn’t bothered to ask a new question yet, so I would like someone else (i.e., everybody who reads my blog, henceforth known as Everybody) to obsess about it for a while too.  So for today’s Wanton Wednesday post, we’re going to do something a little bit different.

AUDIENCE (That means YOU!) PARTICIPATION REQUESTED.

Please expound on any or all of the following (my answer{s} can be found in the comments section of this post):

  1. How many people have you had sex with?  (I don’t really want to know the answer to this one.  I just want you decide on a number before we continue.  Got it?  Good.  Moving on.)
  2. What is sex to you?
  3. What, according to your own personal philosophical construct, constitutes a sexual act?
  4. Is a ‘sexual act’ automatically ‘sex’?  Or do you define it differently?
  5. What about masturbation?
  6. What do you have to have done to/for/with another person to consider them a sexual partner?  Examples of to/for/with include, but are not limited to:  oral sex, anal sex, bondage play, non-penetrative D/s play, frottage, penetration with toys, penetration with fingers, water sports, wet dreams, and coffee dates.
  7. Go back to number one.  Is the number still the same?
  8. Bonus Question:  Do you think Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress will end up in a museum someday?
  9. Do you even know who Monica Lewinsky is?
  10. If you answered “yes” to #9:  Do you feel old now?

Some visual aides to assist you with your answers (or maybe with your masturbation):

Swinging Stones

People email me this kind of thing all the time.
Usually I just delete it, but I kinda like this one.
Does Wilma’s bottom look a little pink to you?  Hmmm…

More questions.  Based on the Flintstonian scenario above:

  1. Who is having sex with whom?
  2. Who, in this scenario, is a sexual partner to whom?
  3. Who do you think spanked Wilma?
  4. If it was *you* who spanked Wilma, and she had an orgasm from it, but you had your clothes on the entire time, did you ‘have sex’ with her?
  5. If you spanked Wilma to orgasm, why on earth did you keep your clothes on?

I think that’s enough for today.  Think!  Answer!  Discuss!  Obsess!  😀

74 thoughts on “Wanton Wednesday: Kinky Fuckery Edition”

  1. ankoku1331

    Thank you. I love this. I mean that, thank you, but I must correct one thing I am not a Research Monkey, he works for me, but we do have hairy feet. 🙂 I am sorry I have not asked a new question, I plan on asking a new question today. Really I do.

    Reply ↓
  2. Dane the Barbarian

    I guess If I were Fred or Barney, and someone asked “Oh, what did you guys do in the play room a little while ago?” I’d just say I had a foursome with my wife and my best friend and his wife. I’m not sure I’d get more specific. It wouldn’t matter whose body my penis actually entered, we all had sex together. That also solves the practical question of same sex issues. Those who know me well would assume I blew my buddy too, but those who do not would not assume so.
    And your clarification about what would you have to do to consider someone a sexual partner is really a better question than what is sex. Would Fred & Barney be sexual partners even if they did not have penetration one to another? Hmmm? And even Betty and Wilma, what if Wilma only briefly licked Betty. I know my wife has a couple of friends she would say are not sexual partners, even though I have seen her lick them “just messing around”
    Perhaps being a sexual partner is more about intent than contact? We went to the beach a while back with a couple and as we “messed around” I kissed and sucked the tits of one of my wife’s friends while my wife took pics. I would not call her a sexual partner.
    More questions than answers.

    Reply ↓
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Thank you for your thoughtful response! I agree, there are often more questions than answers. And I often wonder how many people (particularly, people who are in relationships with one another) are on the same page about sexcetera, and what ‘that’ means.

      Reply ↓

  3. Pingback: Kinky Fuckery: What is This Sex Thing Anyways III? « Speaking Out on Sex

    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      For me, sex is (almost) always play (because play is FUN), but play is not always sex. And the ‘almost’ is because sometimes ~ like once in a half-full purple parmesean moon ~ sex is actually ‘making love’ (which is a term I only use when describing intercourse with my husband, and only when the coitus is indescribably intense), which is more like a momentary merging of souls.

      And I think it’s awesome that you think out loud (via keyboard) with your fingers. Sometimes my fingers have a mind of their own, but they’d rather stroke my kitty than my qwerty… 😉

      Thanks for your response! 🙂

      Reply ↓
      1. sassyfrassylassy

        PS It’s me…thedreamingsub

        The best “sex” I have ever had was fully clothed. It was the first time I played. My first night was the best night I have experienced so far. I am a lucky girl I guess.

        Reply ↓

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    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I hope you are obsessing, Monkey. Seriously. 😛

      And I approved your pingbacks, so hopefully my little coven of crazies will come crash your corner of the blogverse. 😉

      Reply ↓
      1. ankoku1331

        I wouldn’t say obsessing in the same way you are, I don’t have any porntoons for one thing. 🙂 But I am thinking about this enough that a blog or two will gush forth and then you will be obsessing again. 😀

        Reply ↓
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Mmmm… Was it good for you? 😉

      Lol.

      I talk about “But what does that MEAN????” with my husband all the time, so when The Monkey started his line of questioning, he sort of tugged on one of my always-unraveling threads of thought. So I…obsessed…a bit… Woops!

      Loved your answer to his original question, by the way. 😀

      Reply ↓
  8. NormalDeviations

    Holy crap; I am such a sucker for this type of question. I’m hooked! 🙂

    From the first set of questions:

    3. Anything understood by self or partner(s) to create, enhance or arousal, sexual excitement, orgasm, sexual stimulation, or sexual pleasure for one or more of those participating or experiencing (watchers, etc.) That feels like a weaselly answer but it’s the best I can come up with right now.

    4. I think I define the two differently. Sex itself having the intention of orgasm (whether it happens or not) while sexual act may just be part of the whole.

    6. Interesting question that is hard to pin down. Would phone sex or cyber sex fit? I believe it can, even though it doesn’t incorporate the physical aspects between two (or more) people. But, it definitely can meet what I say about #3. Another fuzzy one is extreme emotional intimacy. I can’t decide about that one – but, I would say I’ve mentally thought of it as sex before.

    Reply ↓
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      I, too, am a “sucker” (cough) for these types of questions. Seattlepolychick labels them as ‘brain candy’, which is a deliciously apt description. 😉

      Feel free to obsess (that’s what I did with Nate’s original question :D), and if need be, continue your commentary. 🙂

      Reply ↓
      1. NormalDeviations

        Snarl. This has been bugging the shit out of me since I first read it. No closer to an answer – just like everyone else. But, I’ve started to look at it a different way.

        Really, it’s so subjective that it would be like describing the color blue to a person blind since birth.

        Taking the “blue” analogy another direction… an example might be able to explain it better.

        If I ask “think of the color blue” you might think of sky blue while I think of royal blue. They’re both accurate, in the sense that they’re both commonly understood to be a shade of blue (rather than, say, red) yet we’ve both thought of very different things. Thus, our subjective interpretation is correct, but it’s not the same thing the other subjectively thought of… until it was explained in more depth.

        Applicable to describing sex. I think.

        Reply ↓
        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          Sex *is* subjective, and I love your “blue” analogy. We might be in the same general hue, but my idea of indigo could be your idea of royal blue; therefore, when you say ‘royal blue’, I’m not going to be on the same turn of the color wheel. (Unless, of course, we are using visual aids…? Hmmm, food for thought!) It’s not a matter of either of us being “right”, but rather, a matter of both of us attaching the same meaning to one descriptor. Same goes for sex.

          I think it’s awesome that you’re delving deeper into the question! Thank you so much for coming back to continue the conversation. 🙂

          Reply ↓
        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          I don’t think I’m ever ‘done’ with this one. There’s always some new thing to consider or some new experience to incorporate into my viewpoint. And then there’s the emotional side of things, which can be trickier yet.

          So I’m really glad to know I’m not the only one who isn’t ‘done’ with this one yet. 😉

          And somehow I suspect that these questions aren’t so much resting in your grey matter so much as they are churning your grey matter to mush… 😛

          Reply ↓
      3. NormalDeviations

        Additional thought (yes, I’m still gnawing at this!) that has been explored much, I believe. Cultural definition of sex. Think of malum in se sexual activity – is it still sex? Incest, for example.

        Rather than malum prohibitum sexual activity that is illegal in some places but still considered sex. Anal sex, homosexuality, etc.

        Identifying the culturally accepted definition of sex adds to the complexity and doesn’t really help define it, but it’s gotta be taken into account.

        Still no closer, fucking dammit, but I am *not* gonna let this one go… heh.

        Reply ↓
        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          Cultural influences definitely help shape perceptions of sex. Two things to add to that train of thought:

          (1) ‘Culture’ must take into account age, race, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, gender, religious belief system(s), and community dynamics. The cultural influences on the sexual attitude(s) of a 19-year-old Hispanic lesbian who was raised in rural New Mexico are not necessarily the same influences experienced by a 40-year-old bi-sexual Native American man who was raised on a reservation.

          (2) Culture does not necessarily influence conformity; people often rebel against the sexual norms with which they were raised, so how a community defines ‘sex’ is not necessarily how a *person* within that community defines ‘sex’.

          And, for me, incest *implies* non-consent. And for me personally to label a penetrative act as ‘having sex’ means that act must be consentual. Maybe you could clarify what *you* mean (OMG, What does it MEAN??? Lol) by the term ‘incest’?

          Reply ↓
  9. kanienke

    What is sex to you?
    You have no idea how complicated a question this is, and it really depends on your point of view. I like that you have such a cut and dry definition, Feve.

    I think my definition is much broader than yours. A woman I know sends me emails that have routinely brought me to orgasm (and though I did unconsciously touch myself and take things over the top, I was astounded at how I was already at the verge of my climax, just in need of a very tiny push). That orgasmic response is a result of our mutual effort to please and entice each other, combined with a deep knowledge and interest in each other, that leads to a feeling of connectedness and desire.

    We’ve never made physical contact and yet I do consider her one of my (favorite) sex partners. Which is very strange because I don’t get into phone sex or cam sex or anything like that, it just doesn’t move me. So I’m not sure how a woman’s words could go right through my imagination and fantasies, straight to my orgasmanator. Go figure.

    I think I define sex as “the act of engaging another person in a session of physically manifested pleasure for the purpose of feeling intimate connection or building a sense of attachment or fondness for the person.” So if you were mounted on a sybian and I were at the controls, the knowledge that you are experiencing sexual pleasure because of my manipulating the controls… we just had some kind of sex.

    Last night I was engaged in a threesome where I was chosen to come and just watch an unbelievably hot, busty, pixie-like blonde woman kiss her attractive husband, undress him, have him undress her, and then she got on her knees and enthusiastically performed fellatio on him until he came. The couple chose me to be with them, so that their exhibitionist fantasy could be fulfilled, you could see that the excitement of being watched made it very fast for him, and I liked that they were also aware that they were causing me intense sexual gratification as I witnessed them having sex. It was short, but the three of us were engaged in sex, or sex play, with each other, even though no genitals came into contact.

    So sex could be a very broad term indeed. Which is fine.

    I have a very attractive, flirty co-worker who is very touchy. She often touches me when she talks to me, just a hand on my arm, or fingers on my hand, but she is almost constantly making physical contact with me. She routinely puts her arm around my shoulder or waist as part of her greeting in the mornings. I personally love her flirtation with me and it makes me feel wonderful and loved. But one of my male co-workers took me aside one day, very concerned, and said, “you’re a married man now… you really have to stop letting her touch you like that. If your wife finds out you’ll be divorced before you know it.”

    Now this sort of took me by surprise. I have a rule about not having sex with my co-workers. But I realized, this guy interprets any touching as sex, as cheating. And she does give me great pleasure that disposes me to being much more attached to her than I am to everyone who doesn’t touch me.

    So I could be less vague about my definition of sex, but why would I want to? I love being able to have sex with everyone!

    Reply ↓
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      So I’m not sure how a woman’s words could go right through my imagination and fantasies, straight to my orgasmanator.

      LOVE this.

      And this…

      So if you were mounted on a sybian and I were at the controls, the knowledge that you are experiencing sexual pleasure because of my manipulating the controls… we just had some kind of sex.

      :: insert pause here, in fond rememberance of my ride on the Sybian ::

      Mmmmmm…. I think my panties my be the slightest bit damp.

      The couple chose me to be with them, so that their exhibitionist fantasy could be fulfilled…

      :: conjuring images of fantasies for Ganien to fulfill ::

      And just as I’m blissfully floating off into fantasy-land, I read THIS: “you’re a married man now… you really have to stop letting her touch you like that. If your wife finds out you’ll be divorced before you know it.” And I remember the star-chart provided by the spiritual Jiffy Lube lady, which makes me giggle hysterically, because I know *this* about you: I love being able to have sex with everyone! And your beautiful wife knows this about you as well.

      I so enjoy reading your points of view, my friend. Thank you for taking the time to comment on this post. Muah!

      Reply ↓
      1. kanienke

        So many fantasies to fulfill… but I am up for the task.

        Definitely a thought-provoking post. You can bet when Katie gets home from her 10-hour date with Scott tonight (!), that I will be asking her how she defines sex.

        For me at least, Katie’s definition of sex changes with the attractiveness of the person. What I do with someone less attractive than her is less concerning than what I might do with someone a good deal more attractive than her. And she says she reserves the veto right if I ever get lucky enough to fool around with someone like Olivia Wilde.

        Which is just weird.

        For example, she had me show her a picture of Lia one time and she was like, “eh. she seems just ok.” Which shocked me; I think Lia is gorgeous and I was afraid Katie would freak out.

        Reply ↓
        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          OMG, OMG, Oh Em Gee!!!!! Scott?!?! Ten-hour date??? It is SO MEAN of you to dangle that little carrot in front of me, because you KNOW I want to know! Aaaauuuggh! I want to talk to you SO BAD right now!

          :: pout ::

          Wait… Did you say you were “up” for the task? Precisely which *part* of you is…uhmmm…UP? Hmmm?

          :: wanders off to compose email ::

          Reply ↓
  10. ankoku1331

    I am so glad to see these conversations going on. The color analogy was very inspired and want to hear more. Hell want to hear more from everyone that commented here.

    Reply ↓
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Me too! I love that people are really thinking about their personal parameters. How can we expect our partner(s) to know what we need or want, let alone what we mean, unless we first figure it out (or attempt to, anyway) for ourselves? And it’s *so* interesting to read other people’s perspectives! As Ms. Polychick says, this stuff is brain candy. YUM. 😀

      And Dave’s “blue” analogy was, indeed, inspired.

      And, interestingly enough, the majority of commenters here have experience with polyamory. Just thought I’d throw that little tidbit out there, because I know you’ve been looking for some poly perspectives for your project.

      I love this conversation! 😀 😀 😀

      Reply ↓
  11. wildoats1962

    I’ve had similar conversations with many different people. Perspectives change when the situation changes. When I was 16 I had a few friends majoring in philosophy at the local university. Not the most appreciated major, but it does lend itself to interesting conversations. We were talking about virginity one time and at that time he defined it by penetration in whatever way. I was able to rattle off a considerable list of sex practices that do not involve penetration, and some that require no contact at all. When I started talking about various fluid or other exchanges he agreed that even though it didn’t require penetration it didn’t really fit with the idea of virginity either. Bukakke didn’t exist at that time, but drinking semen from a graduated cylinder is bound to be a bit jading. I’ve read that Bukakke was invented in 1979 to circumvent Japanese porn laws. Inventing a new sex act is not easy, there are only so many orifices and protuberances on the body. I wish I could claim to have said that first, but it’s a quote from Dr Galen on a Columbia University seminars program.

    The biggest factor changing people’s ideas of censorship, and sexuality, is having kids. I remember a couple of my nephews thinking that my sisters were virginal angels. Um, Why do you think you’re here? {No I didn’t say that to them. But I told them that I was jaded enough that they could ask me questions and I wouldn’t get embarrassed. I made no guarantees that THEY wouldn’t get embarrassed.}

    Yes I remember Monica. She had sex with Bill, but he didn’t have sex with her. { sure, whatever}. I also remember Wilbur Mills and Fanne Foxe. Must be something about Argentina, Governor Sanford hooked up down there too.

    Reply ↓
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      You make an excellent point, Wild. Perspectives *do* change when the situation changes, and not only with age. I was telling Nate (Wild, meet Nate; Nate, Wild) that I don’t consider generally consider the use of sex toys as ‘having sex’, as (for ME), they are used as an accessory to having sex with my husband (i.e., he’ll work me over with my glass cock before he uses his own, or I’ll use a vibrator on my clit while he’s pumping in and out of my pussy…I could continue in this vein, but I think you get the idea ;)) as part of masturbation, which (to ME) is a sex *act*, but is not ‘having sex’. ‘Having sex’ requires (for ME to label it as such) repetitious insertion of a penis into my vagina with the end goal of providing an orgasm (for ME, lol). However, a Sybian is a sex toy. A very large, very expensive, very exhaustive sex toy. And I most definitely ‘had sex’ with one.

      I brought up my parents on your blog the other day. I think my mom liked sex once upon a time, but I don’t think she had really GOOD sex until her second marriage. But she was raised in such a way that her perception of sex was something along the lines of, “If I like it, then I’m not a good girl.” The woman has had sex with three men in her entire life, two of whom she was married to. She wasn’t a virginal angel (obviously, I am living proof of that), but somewhere deep in her psyche was buried the notion that (1) she should be, and (2) she should expect/demand/require her daughter(s) to be. Believe me, the woman has no clue about my sex life. She also has no clue how to use a computer, so I don’t need to worry about her finding my blog and giving herself a heart attack reading it.

      I’m fascinated that you bring up the term ‘censorship’ in relation to how our attitudes about ‘what is sex?’ change when we have children. I, for one, am fiercely protective of children. (They are our future, and quite frankly, our future isn’t looking too bright.) I encourage independent thinking, and I answer questions honestly, using age-appropriate language. I’m NOT, however, going to lay out all my sex toys and then proceed to give an in-depth, detailed lecture about how to use each and every one of them when a four-year-old asks me, “What is that buzzing thing?”

      Reply ↓

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  13. wildoats1962

    I made on comment on Arch’s blog a while back about libgemoh and Mrsmuffland. They were sharing stories of embarrassing incidents. In one case it was having the luggage searched at the airport. {strangely enough batteries left in a vibrator look suspicious on the X-ray}. The other incident mentioned was when friends {not the benefits type} were over, and the dog pulled a dildo out from under the bed and wanted the guests to play fetch. I’ve replayed that one in my mind many many times. Arch said he’d play fetch with the dog. {mentally I can also see a dildo covered in bite marks because the dog was chewing on a bone.}

    Parenting is a little like trying to clear a minefield, probing but not wanting to set off explosions. When my kids were 5 & 6 years old, I didn’t let them watch Family Guy or South Park because I considered that to be too young for those shows. Imagine their surprise when as a teen they see me watching and laughing at Family Guy. Age appropriate and aware. When my son was in his late teens {and he had a drivers license and car} I went with him to the store. In the parking lot he parked close to a couple of girls that looked like they were about his age. He cranked the stereo with a rather explicit song, and I got on his case. Not because of the girls but because behind us a mother was going to her car with a toddler.. I reminded him that he needs to be aware of the rest of his surroundings not just the young girls. {the one behind us could have easily been a MILF, but I don’t he was very interested when there were young ones around.}

    Reply ↓
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      Arch would use a dildo to play fetch with a dog. Lol.

      And your “age appropriate and aware” description is exactly what I was getting at. And it’s also the lack of understanding about what *is* age appropriate the complete and total lack of ‘awareness’ that irritates me to no end.

      Reply ↓

  14. Pingback: Kinky Fuckery: Time for Some Self-Examination | Speaking Out on Sex

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      2. OVB

        Love the blog and was wondering if you ever take submissions?

        Wrote one in WP fomat just for fun that really isn’t appropriate for my blog.

        Please her me know.

        Reply ↓
        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          I’m actually in the midst of setting up a blog share project. At this point, I’m considering it a “test run”, and if it goes well… Then I’ll take the ‘test’ part out of the equation, and just let it run.

          So to answer your question about submissions (which is a word that brings to mind things *other* than blogging, if you know what I mean 😉 ) ~ Errrrr… Maybe?

          Would you be willing to email me so we can discuss it? My email address is listed on the right side bar of my home page. 🙂

          Reply ↓
        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          Just catching up on comments now. I’m glad you unlocked it; that was going to be my recommendation.

          Also: Any time you want to password-protect a post, you can always allow specific viewers access by always using the same password.

          ~OR~

          You can add a message to your sidebar regarding locked posts. Something along the lines of “Some of my posts are adult-themed and have been password-protected. Please email me if you are interested in accessing adult-themed content, and I will give you the password.”

          ~OR~

          You can go to My Blogs on your WordPress page and set up a separate, adult-themed blog. More than one reader on this little blog of mine has done that. 🙂

          Thank you for sharing, and for taking the time to email me. I hope to see more of you (and I hope to see MORE of you…) in the future! 😉

          Reply ↓

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  20. writingthebody

    Love this comment roll….my goodness so much here. Somewhere someone asked why Barney has his clothes on….he was born in clothes I think. They all were. But some obviously had surgery to remove them….

    But your questions….brain candy indeed. Sybian sex….hmmm

    1. How many people have you had sex with? (I don’t really want to know the answer to this one. I just want you decide on a number before we continue. Got it? Good. Moving on.) A; You are right. Who cares
    2. What is sex to you? A: I have changed my mind about this. I used to think of my masochism as sexual, but it has a life of its own that is stronger nowadays. Sex is the illusion I sometimes feel when I look at some person and imagine for a moment that we might take our clothes off, run our hands over each other’s bodies, and kiss, and then do well, any number of things. It is different from me having the crap punched out of me….if that makes sense. Love somewhere is in it…sometimes. But sex usually is solo for me.
    3. What, according to your own personal philosophical construct, constitutes a sexual act? A: Brain and body thinking erotically, in synch.
    Is a ‘sexual act’ automatically ‘sex’? A: I guess so. Or do you define it differently?
    What about masturbation? A: ah, well yes that is sex. It is at best self-love. If I did not despise myself so much, I would really love it.
    7. What do you have to have done to/for/with another person to consider them a sexual partner? Examples of to/for/with include, but are not limited to: oral sex, anal sex, bondage play, non-penetrative D/s play, frottage, penetration with toys, penetration with fingers, water sports, wet dreams, and coffee dates. Have done all except water sports. Not sure what frottage (rubbing?) is.
    8. Go back to number one. Is the number still the same? A: yes.
    Bonus Question: Do you think Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress will end up in a museum someday? A: blue dress?
    9. Do you even know who Monica Lewinsky is? A: Yes
    10. If you answered “yes” to #9: Do you feel old now? A: Not really – I know how old I am, and i do not care actually – life is very short however old you are. Things like this date stamp me, but I don’t mind that.

    Thanks for this post and blog….

    Reply ↓
    1. Mrs Fever Post author

      First off: Hello, and thank you for your comments. 🙂 It’s John, right? Or Jon (sp)? (I’ve been following your contributions to Madame Serendipity’s conversations.)

      I think the cartoon clothing removal surgery was a success, don’t you? Personally, I think Wilma looks much better in her own skin than she does in that ridiculous white saber-fur dress she usually trots around in. I mean, c’mon! It’s WHITE! How completely impractical! 😉

      And since you liked this post and comment thread so much, I’ll give you the links to the subsequent conversations. They are listed in reverse chronological order (my most recent post is listed first, so scroll to the bottom and work your way up), and accessible here. I hope you’ll enjoy (and join!) those posts and comment threads as well.

      Brain Candy and Sybian Sex: Part of THIS nutritious breakfast! 😀

      Though I’m not sure what one has to do with the other… O_o

      Your response to number two has set my brain to whirring. I’m interested to know how your thought process has changed in terms of defining sex. Was it a series of events that influenced your opinion? Outside perspectives? Internal analysis? What SEX *is* ~ How each person *defines* SEX… And how each person *weights* sex (or sexual activities)… There’s a world of difference in interpretations sometimes. Since your thoughts on the subject have changed, I’m curious as to how that evolved.

      I find I’m also curious about your masochistic tendencies as far as sex is concerned. Reading this sentence ~ It is different from me having the crap punched out of me….if that makes sense. ~ My initial reaction was, “Of course it makes sense. There’s an obvious difference. One is sex and one is having the crap punched out of you.” But there is obviously a correlation for you between pain and pleasure… And there is a correlation between pleasure and sex… So maybe they are both sex, depending on the situation? And conversely, maybe neither is sex if we are following the pleasure principle. Because in your response to number three, you bring up the fact of self-loathing. And to loathe one’s self is not pleasurable… Is it?

      Reply ↓
      1. writingthebody

        It is John. I tried to get Johnbzero, but someone already has it….so I did Jon. Yes it is successful, absolutely. Then as to my changes of view about sex and its relationship to my sexuality. When I was very young, I was already kind of masochistic – I remember the paralysis feeling, and not minding. But when I got to about 13 or so, sexuality started for me, and it was always mixed with shame and pain. I obviously did not know I was a masochist, or even what masochism was. My sexuality was all about the mixed feeling about being humiliated and hurt. When I got older again, sex was almost always mixed with masochism. I could not do anything sexual without thinking of it or doing it. The thing was though, I came to see a beating as a prelude to sex. But in my first real relationship, I lost sexual desire, and was psychologically impotent often. At first I blamed her, but gradually realised it was me. A beating became my primary goal, but I still thought of it as sexual. Now I feel like I have regressed to where I was when younger – the only sexual aspect of it is in memory. When I am beaten, I do not feel sexual desire at all….

        You ask about pain and shame and self-loathing. Yes that has also been my journey. But I have made progress over time. And one thing I realised really recently is that while my situation grew out of a strange kind of home life, I have a sibling whose instinct back then was to lash out – and I realise now, my masochism protected me, saved me perhaps. I do not know if she will do as well … in fact I know she will not. Does that answer your questions? You are so sweet to take such an interest. Thank you….

        Reply ↓
        1. Mrs Fever Post author

          The paralysis feeling…

          Does your fight-or-flight response shut down, then? It frightens me (on your behalf) that you would be paralyzed into complete non-response, because I can easily see how your lack of response could be interpreted as, “Well, he hasn’t used his safe word…” And your body can only take so much before it (and your brain) shuts down.

          The psychosexual effects of pain…

          If I am reading this correctly(?): (1) Receiving pain used to be a form of (and possibly the most/only arousing form of) foreplay, before moving on to the main event (sex/intercourse). (2) Then, pain *became* the main event. (3) And now, masochism has taken on a life of its own, separate from sex. Pain does not bring sexual pleasure anymore, but has evolved (or regressed?) into its own “thing”.

          And also, if I am interpreting your words correctly: Your primary sexual pleasure is derived from combining physical self-pleasure with psychological self-loathing.

          You asked, “Does that answer your questions?”

          Um, NO. Lol. I’m a curious creature. I always (always, always, always) have more questions. 😉

          I don’t know the ins and outs of your upbringing, but I’ve been lurking about on your blog, and it’s not all that difficult to paint a rough mental picture. It’s interesting to me that you believe your masochism “saved” you, but that your sister’s fight-or-flight instinct was a FIGHT instinct… And that you think her fight instinct has NOT saved her. You say she lashed out, which *could* be a fight instinct. Unless what you mean by ‘lashing out’ is that she indulged in self-destructive behaviors. Because the argument could easily be made that self-destructive behaviors… Well… Hurting ourselves as a form of ‘lashing out’ is still hurting ourselves. And hurting ourselves through the abuse of substances (IF that is the case; I’m not saying it is, I’m just trying to understand the possibilities) is often more ‘flight’ than ‘fight’.

          Reply ↓
          1. writingthebody

            If you ask me questions I will try to answer them. My sister lashed out aggressively, verbally and sometimes physically. She did not become a masochist like me. But the damage she has done to herself in her mad pursuit of things has done her great hurt. Hers was a fight instinct from early on – mine a withdraw and self-hurt instinct. I had not thought of my masturbation in quite the way you posed it – but actually, that is right. I think back on the scenes of humiliation, the small touches where I see someone genuinely contemptuous of me, or taking control of me, and yes, that turns me on in my mind afterwards.

            As for the paralysis….I love it so much, it is deep in me. It is all I crave….terror and paralysis. Strange isn’t it, in its intensity. I saw a domme a couple of months ago, and she was the first person I told about it. It made her go too easy on me….I need to be taken beyond. So at the moment, I am not doing that at all. I am just thinking about it for a while….maybe for some months. Sometimes I do not go to anyone even for a year or two. Then I seem to go in bursts – like last year. I am way off what you asked me…..as my blog is an attempt at self-understanding, I am very grateful to you for these questions. You can ask me anything, and I will be very glad to try to answer it. 🙂

          2. Mrs Fever Post author

            So are you saying, then, that your sister is prone to violence? Does she now strike first in an attempt to avoid victimization? I’m not sure what you mean by “her mad pursuit of things has done her great hurt.” ?????

            If you went to a pro domme, and she took into account what you told her, she did the right thing. Better to not push far enough, then discuss afterward how much more you can take… Than to push too far and end up going to prison for maiming or killing you. Terror and catatonia might be what you seek, but she has to operate within the confines of the law, yes?

          3. writingthebody

            She pursues things madly….she has almost bankrupted herself with buying and selling houses. She takes too much prescription medication, and non other tabs as well (“You know me, there was a jar there and you take two, so well, I took ten”), and she cannot let stuff go – still wanting a confession of some kind from our father, to the extent that it almost looks like reverse abuse.

            And yes, I have to be a bit more considerate. I do not want others to have problems because of my obsessions.

          4. Mrs Fever Post author

            I wasn’t chastising; I was simply being pragmatic. 😉

            I see more clearly what you mean now about your sister’s behavior. Thank you for sharing, and for being willing to answer my questions.

            It’s often true that the abused become abusers ~ either of themselves or of others. From an outside perspective, it seems as though you both abuse yourselves. The manifestations may be different, but the abuse is evident. Her self-abuse takes the form of prescription (and other) drug abuse and deliberate unsound financial risk. Yours manifests itself as physical and emotional masochism.

            I know you didn’t ask for my two cents…

            But you may have more in common with your sister than you realize.

          5. writingthebody

            I did ask….and you are surely right. I guess I like to think that I have come through it better. I know you were not chastising me (and anyway, masochists are up for a bit of that!), and as I said….I find your interest good for me, and helpful. I am grateful to you. If anything interests you in my self-account, please feel free to ask me. I am trying to understand it myself. The things people have said to me here at times have altered the way I see things, and sometime what I do. I think your comment about my relationship and responsibility to prodommes or sex workers is valid. I really am thinking about that (someone else pulled me up on it as well). x

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  24. heidisomething

    I’m not even sure what most of the stuff in #6 is. Other than the endless (seemingly) parade of fantasies that march around in my head, I’ve lead a very boring (I guess) real life ‘sex life’. Maybe I’m just a coward.

    Reply ↓

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