photo courtesy of triloquist.net
Not quite what you were expecting? Me. Neither.
(Wow, we have SO much in common!)
I did a Google search for ‘Jane Jetson Nude’ and this totally awesome doggy picture was what I ended up with. (Believe me, it was the best of the bunch!)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sooo… I dug into my own personal archives
(you wouldn’t believe the things people send me via email ~ ack!)
and found THIS:
Woops! Forgot my disclaimer. I shall render that forthwith.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
WARNING: This post contains cartoon porn. Also, for those of you with larger than average medulla oblongatas, prepare to have your largest sex organ (um, your brain…I was talking about your brain…) stimulated.
So last week, The Monkey 
had me obsessing about a question, and the two of us ~ in the presence of Everyone (that’s YOU, dear readers!) ~ managed to give Seattlepolychick a blog-gasm.
You may determine for yourself whether, during our Kinky Fuckery session, (1) you were actively participating in the mind-blowing pleasure (Get it? Mind-blowing? *snort* Awww, c’mon! It’s funny!), (2) you were silently watching others (like the closet voyeur you are) probe (heh) and ponder and pontificate, or (3) you were jacking off in the corner. It’s all a matter of personal perception, after all. (Which, as it turns out, is an amazingly varigated and not even remotely standardized thing. Go. Figure.)
So for those of you who are “suckers” (that would be YOU) for sexercising your minds (gives whole new meaning to the term ‘head’), I have more questions for you. I sincerely hope that makes you giddy. And squirmy. And wet. And… Stuff. 😉
Allllllrighty, then! Here we go:
AUDIENCE (That means YOU!) PARTICIPATION REQUESTED
Please expound on any or all of the following (and/or join in the conversation{s} here):
-
What do you have to have done to/for/with another person to consider them a sexual partner? Examples of to/for/with include, but are not limited to: oral sex, anal sex, bondage play, non-penetrative D/s play, frottage, penetration with toys, penetration with fingers, water sports, wet dreams, and coffee dates. (This is the only holdover from last week’s list, as it was a popular question, and I think people probably still have more to say.)
- How do you define and/or categorize phone sex/text sex/cyber sex/cam sex/spam sex, and how do those activities fit in with your answer to the first question?
- How does *intention* play into your definitions of sex/having sex? What about consent?
- What role does one’s culture play in defining what is and is not sex?
- What is the difference, according to your own personal philosophical construct, between having sex, fucking, and making love?
- With the terms from #5 in mind: How would you label what the Jetsons are doing in the picture above?
- Does emotion play a role in how you define the terms in #5? What about respect?
- How and when does attractiveness/perceived attractiveness of your partner(s) play a role in how you define your sexual activities?
- Since we’re on the subject of role play: Are you into that? What about costumes? Superheroes? Wonder Woman?
- When you were young(er), did you want to be Wonder Woman when you grew up? (I did! I did! Or, more accurately, I wanted to be Lynda Carter. Because L.C. is H*A*W*T.)
OMG, there’s SO MUCH to talk about! (Mmm… Love it when you talk to me, baby…) And we haven’t even gotten to swinging and swaying and sashaying yet!
Think! Respond! Discuss! Obsess! 😀
And click the links!
Pleeeaaaaase? Pretty please, with an orgasm on top?
Then come back for more!
Brain orgy, anyone?
Your first question, both last week and in this week’s iteration, got me wondering about something interesting. I have had, by my best count, 40 sex partners over the years. When I say 40, I wonder why I never count Shannon, who would be 41. I worked with Shannon for about a year. One day, in the lunchroom, she let me ‘accidentally’ discover her reading the book Sex for One–a study of the world of masturbation practices. It engendered a somewhat subdued but increasingly steamy discussion about our own practices. It came as little of a surprise a few days later when she restarted this discussion, coming at last to the point that she had always wanted to watch a man jack off. For the rest of the year I worked there, we found many opportunities for her to watch me. I really enjoyed it, I think most people (those who will admit it) have something of an exhibitionist streak. But she really seemed to like it. She would bring things in, like a Playboy or a Victoria’s Secret catalog, just to see if she could stir up some arousal in me and get a performance. But I never touched her. Never kissed her. Nothing. Was I having sex with her? I was having orgasms, and presumably it did something for her. Did we have sex?
“…presumably it did something for her.”
And your retelling of it definitely did something for ME…
I think you’re right about everyone (and their best friend’s second cousin’s girlfriend) having a bit of an exhibitionist streak in them, and not only sexually either. But WOW. I *love* that you had this interaction with Shannon, and I double-chocolate-layer-cake *love* that you’re thinking about why and how you define your experiences together.
Personally, I enjoy being watched when I’m masturbating. And if I’m the one doing the watching, and the man I’m watching is aroused because of ME, I find it all kinds of hot watch him work himself to completion. Interestingly enough, I’d have to say that mutual masturbation sessions have been some of the most *intimate* sexual activities I’ve ever taken part in. Watching someone pleasure themselves is incredibly personal; they are demonstrating exactly how they like to be pleasured, and they are trusting you with that knowledge.
Glad you enjoyed reading it. I went light on the details, though some words about Shannon’s glazed eyes, her labored breathing as she turned pages of a magazine for me and asked quietly but insistently, ‘Do you like her? . . . What do you like about her?’ would have added to the story. It is the ongoing culture question that has me interested now. Don’t forget that there are professions and occupations which constitute cultures in themselves. My field, for instance, occasions a lot of thoughts about shy women with hidden ‘proclivities.’ We recently built a new library, and as we were tearing out the bookshelves of the old building, we found a lot of very old porn magazines hidden beneath them–there did not seem to be any sexual preference in the content: kind of all over the map. I don’t know if I am an anomaly in my field, though straight men are generally outnumbered by gay men. I have, for that and other reasons I don’t want to be immodest by belaboring, been the object of attention for many of these ‘shy women.’ Shannon is just one example. I have learned interesting things about a lot of the women I have worked with. I wonder if other occupations have similar idiosyncracies?
I definitely enjoyed reading it. And if you ever want to go heavy on the…details… Mmmm…
:: fans self ::
You bring up a fascinating point about Bibliognost culture, my dear Librarian. It has me thinking about fields of work, and how one’s profession is part of their overall cultural experience. It also has me thinking about work-specific cultural norms, of which your ‘shy librarian’ scenario is an excellent example. I wonder if other people would be willing to talk about their sexual experiences as related to the culture of their workplace. Something to ponder… But I’ll save *that* particular pondering for later, as right now I’m busy pondering how to best get the attention of a male librarian… 😉
I like the culture question, I am really interested in hearing from non-Americans on that one. # 7 and 8 are good questions, that I may address later tonight on my blog. I did not want to be Wonder Woman, but I will agree that LC was HOT! I do like role-playing…wait are we talking sex or dungeons and dragons? 😉
I decided that the next KF post will be similar to this, a kind of catch-up, with links to all of the blogs (yours and at least two others) who have joined into the conversation before diving into swinging, swaying, and sashaying (thank you for the blog title). Have you heard from Seattlepolychick since the bloggasm? A phone call the next day would be nice. 😀
Dave, from Normal Deviations, brought that one up in the comments section of last week’s post. (Which, by the way, is at 43 comments and counting ~ huzzah! Feel free to use any or all of them for your research, Monkey.) This is what he said:
Additional thought (yes, I’m still gnawing at this!) that has been explored much, I believe. Cultural definition of sex. Think of malum in se sexual activity – is it still sex? Incest, for example.
Rather than malum prohibitum sexual activity that is illegal in some places but still considered sex. Anal sex, homosexuality, etc.
Identifying the culturally accepted definition of sex adds to the complexity and doesn’t really help define it, but it’s gotta be taken into account.
Interesting, yes? But before we can really delve into these subjects, I think we must be clear about what ‘culture’ means. Just as the “blue” observation can be applied to the ‘what is sex?’ question, I think we need to be on the same slide of the color wheel when we’re talking about culture. In your comment, for example, you jumped straight to nationality (wanting to hear from non-Americans), but this is where my brain went with it:
(1) ‘Culture’ must take into account age, race, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, gender, religious belief system(s), and community dynamics. The cultural influences on the sexual attitude(s) of a 19-year-old Hispanic lesbian who was raised in rural New Mexico are not necessarily the same influences experienced by a 40-year-old bi-sexual Native American man who was raised on a reservation.
(2) Culture does not necessarily influence conformity; people often rebel against the sexual norms with which they were raised, so how a community defines ‘sex’ is not necessarily how a *person* within that community defines ‘sex’.
SO MUCH to discuss! I love this!
And no, Ms. Polychick hasn’t said a word. She just took her blog-gasm as her due, and waltzed out the door in her super-sexy shoes, without so much as an “Ah’ll be baaack.” Hmph! She doesn’t call, she doesn’t write…
Sigh… Sad, longing, sigh… 😉
Thank you for letting me know I could use the comments as there many interesting ones to pick from. I agree I went to culture as nationality and not a more holistic view. I went there for a specific reason which I do get a lot of views from overseas, but as far as I know they are not commenting. As always I want ANYONE who wants to join in to join in as this only gets better with each view point.
Remember when I copied my WhatsApp conversation with my best bloggy buddy in your comments section of this post? His lady is Danish. I’m gonna see if I can get her take on some of this stuff. And I’ll definitely share what I find out.
Also, in your earlier comment, you mentioned that you know of at least two other bloggers who are having these types of conversations. If you paste the links here, I’ll definitely check them out. So, hopefully, will my Coven of Crazies. (Note to self: You should totally trademark that term.) 😀
A maelstrom of lascivious thoughts eddy through my mind. A few weeks ago I saw a news story about some Ukrainian politician trashing Mila Kunis. I don’t know if anti Jewish comments would be considered as religious intolerance or ethnic intolerance. In any case I had seen her in interviews and she made a good impression. I decided to goog1e her to see if she had a website. FB came up and for some reason the top related search was Mila Kunis Feet. That struck me as rather odd, and I had never really given much thought to her feet. But I do have a feet story. When I was in the Army, I got injured. Myself and the other people that had limited PT profiles would go to the weight room after formation. There were about 30 of us. Since we were unsupervised in the weight room some would actually work out, but most of us just kind of lounged around. One day an officer came in and started talking to this one person. Everybody started exercising or at least stretching because he was in the room. This cute blond was stretching near me and I could tell she didn’t want to exercise and she was getting tired of stretching. I decided to be a nice guy. I laid down near her and got into situp position. I asked her if she’d hold my feet. She said sure. She got in front of me, put her hands on top of my feet and leaned forward to put her weight on them. As I laid back down I saw the officer leave. I exhaled and relaxed. After a bit she asked me, aren’t you going to do situps? My answer was just loud enough for her and my roommate to hear. I said, “No, I just like to have pretty girls hold my feet.” Not really a Kodak moment because it would’ve required a movie camera. She sat bolt upright with a startled expression that transitioned into disgust then into curiosity. Then I started doing situps while chuckling and she resumed holding my feet.
AB did go to the podiatrist recently. They stuck some needles in and “debrided” some dead tissue and prescribed antibiotics. And they wrote on her chart that her foot was dirty. That really pissed her off, between the swelling and the tenderness she hasn’t been able to wear socks or shoes on the one foot and it does not like water. And they’re calling it a hammertoe.
I haven’t had much desire to be Wonder Woman. I’m not really sure why, but costumes do turn me on. I really like Halloween, and I like the Rocky Horror Picture Show. {just imagine the tricks and treats you could get dressed as a character from that movie.}
Sex and love are definitely different. A coworker and I were talking one day and out of the blue he comments about “Make up sex”. I have never liked arguing or fighting. The idea of fighting in order to have make up sex later just strikes me as wrong. I guess I get hurt feelings too much when fighting. That kind of goes along with rough sex. I’m not into that either.
Wild
This comment is just so… You. Lol.
I don’t know anything about Mila Kunis or her feet, but on the topic of religion and ethnicity: I consider both to be part of an individual’s culture, and culture shapes how people understand and define sex and sexuality.
I’m not sure why, but every time I read a story about something you did during your army days, I get sort of a bemused smile on my face and find myself wondering, “How did the U.S. Army ever survive this guy?”
Somehow I sense there was much blog ranting after AB’s podiatral experience. Poor girl. Sounds painful.
Hurt feelings are painful too. I avoid them whenever possible. Like you, I don’t ‘get’ the whole concept of picking a fight and intentionally hurting someone’s feelings, just so you can make up. Or, more specifically, just so you can have make-up sex. That’s just not how I roll.
And I’ve never seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show, mostly because it has such a huge cult following. I have a healthy fear of group mentalities, and cult followings inspire some super scary Group Think. *shudder*
Pingback: Kinky Fuckery: Blog-gasms and Brain Orgies | Speaking Out on Sex
Pingback: Kinky Fuckery: Time for Some Self-Examination | Speaking Out on Sex
Sorry I am late to the questions, I do love to talk about sex. And I agree it has something to do with the age. I am 41 and for me everything leads back to sex!!
1.To me a sexual partner is someone who i have sex with over and over again.Phone sex, cyper sex, talking dirty, oral, anal, touching each other. Anything and everything that has to do with flesh touching flesh, or the letting down your guard and giving yourself to someone for their pleasure or yours, but hopefully both.
Because I do not have “wet dreams” but I do have sex dreams, and sometimes they are with someone other than my man, not often these days but I have had them I do not count that as sex, or going out for coffee with someone I do not count as sex.
2. How do you define and/or categorize phone sex/text sex/cyber sex/cam sex/spam sex, and how do those activities fit in with your answer to the first question?
I define all the above as sex, or sexual acts. If I text sex to someone other than my man I would consider it cheating on him, and if he did it I would consider it cheating on me. I feel the same about the rest of them,
3.How does *intention* play into your definitions of sex/having sex? What about consent?
Intention to have sex, shaving my legs, taking a shower, putting on sexy cloths are all thing that i do with the intention of having sex.
4.What role does one’s culture play in defining what is and is not sex?
Well since I am white and from the United States, I would have to say my culture does not consider blow jobs to be sex, thanks Bill. I think culture has a lot to do with the way people view sex. But since I am in total lack of knowledge on other cultures and what their definition of sex is I am unable to answer this question.
I can tell you from my up bring that anything that had to do with the opposite sex was considered sexual. (so dumb) and that masturbation would make you grow hair on your palms (have not seen none on my and I love to masturbate!!) If you enjoy sex as a woman you are a whore (that would make me a big whore)
5.What is the difference, according to your own personal philosophical construct, between having sex, fucking, and making love?
Having sex is anything and everything you do that is of sexual nature or with the intent to relieve oneself or partner. Fucking is what we do when we have sex. Making love is when we are fucking or having sex with someone we love.
6. With the terms from #5 in mind: How would you label what the Jetsons are doing in the picture above?
all the above, sex, fucking and making love..
7. Does emotion play a role in how you define the terms in #5? What about respect?
I feel the only way you can “make love” is with someone you have emotions for and respect for. You can have sex with anyone and not have emotions or respect for, but then it is sex and fucking. You can not make love to someone that you do not have emotions for or respect. I also feel you have to have both emotions and the respect to be able to call it “making love”. I know in my past I thought I was making love to someone but now looking back it wasn’t “making love” because they did not respect me.
8. How and when does attractiveness/perceived attractiveness of your partner(s) play a role in how you define your sexual activities?
For myself I have to have some kind of attractiveness to be able to have any kind of sexual activities with someone. Attractiveness does not mean they have to have a certain look or body, it is more about how I feel with that person. If someone gives me the ebbie jebbies I am not about to have sexual activities with them.
9.Since we’re on the subject of role play: Are you into that? What about costumes? Superheroes? Wonder Woman?
I love role playing. I am still working on my man in that department, but we will get there one day. I love costumes. I am getting married here in a year and I will be in a fairy costume, with my man in an in keeper and the man who is marring us will be in a captain Hook costume. I did not want my man to wear the Peter Pan outfit(because it is ugly) so I went with the In keeper.
I remember Wonder Woman and I too love her.
10.When you were young(er), did you want to be Wonder Woman when you grew up?
Yes I did!! I also wanted to be Nancy from Sid and Nancy,,,,,I think my mom watched a lot of warped shit with me…..I wanted to grow up and be a drug user…(Sad but True) I did grow up and become a drug addict and it was not all it was crack up to be….Shit my 20’s went up in a cloud of smoke….Thank God those days are over with…..
Welcome, Sarah! Thank you for taking the time to answer all these questions. And since you love to talk about sex, I hope you’ll take the time to go visit my friend Nathan, because he is taking ‘talking about sex’ to a whole new level: He’s trying to get a degree in it. 🙂
Your perspective on ‘cheating’ interests me, as related to sexting. ‘Cheating’ and ‘sexting’ are both terms that bear looking at further, I think, because individual perspectives about what each of those words mean is bound to be different. I’ve sexted (had erotic texting conversations and/or exchanged nude photos via cell phone) with men who are not my husband, and within the construct of our marriage, those activities are not considered by either of us to be cheating. He has shared naked pictures of himself with other women via email, and we’ve both been known to show up on blog photos in the buff. The key, for us, is that we each know what the other is doing, and with whom. If we were secretive about it, or if one of us sexted/emailed/blogged-in-the-buff with the intent (there’s that word again…intent) to hurt or betray the other, *that* would be considered cheating.
So: Sexting and Cheating. I’m adding those to the list of Things To Delve Into Further. 😀
You said, “I know in my past I thought I was making love to someone but now looking back it wasn’t “making love” because they did not respect me.” I think a lot of people can relate to that sentiment. And how we define ‘respect’ changes over time, I think. It’s part of the maturation process.
Thanks again for joining the conversation, Sarah! I look forward to hearing from you again soon. 🙂
I can understand where as long as you and your husband know what the other is doing, you do not consider it cheating…I think honesty is the key to any relationship. For myself i would have a problem with my man doing any of that because he does not do it with me….I also have had more than my share of issues to conquer in life, and tho I’ve come really far, I still find I struggle with insecurity and the feeling of not being good enough. I know both of these are not true but they are ingrained in me and like to pop up at times in my life. I went to prison when I was 33 for a crime I did when I was 28. Long story, lots of drug use and abuse..when I got to prison I realized for the first time in my life I was not being abuse. I grew up with mental abuse, but did not even know what it was until my 30’s. I have come a long way since then and have made a home for my youngest daughter, one that is abuse free!! But I still struggle with my own shit (as most of us do) and the feeling of not being good enough (even though I know in my head it is not true) still gets me now and again. So because of my insecurity and feelings of not being good enough I would have to say that it affects my perception on the way I view things….(I had never thought of it this way, but it does make sense)
As for the Monkey he is how I found you…I do enjoy all the sex talk and am fascinated with couples who are so secure about themselves and their relationships that they can play out side of the married bed and still have a loving health relationship. I do not know if I will ever be there, but I do enjoy reading about it and have total respect for those who can do it and be happy. Because in the end that is what everyone really wants is to be happy…If one of my daughters (i have two 20 and 12) choose to live life that was similar to yours and your husband and she was happy I would feel I did a good job, because she would have to feel secure in who she was and know where she belonged. To have those things you need to have a solid foundation and 90% that comes from your up-bring.
Sexing and Cheating are good subjects…I am curious to find out what others have to say about them. And why they feel the way they do…
.I would love it if I could get my man to sexing me…I have once, but he hardly ever has his cell phone on him…..its a work in progress…LOL
Security and self-concept are also great topics to explore in terms of attitudes/perceptions about sex. Food for thought!
I sometimes send my spouse pictures of my breasts or legs via text, which he always manages to (unintentionally) open in the presence of other people. So he fans the flames of my exhibitionistic fires without even trying. 😛
My husband doesn’t sext with me though. Unless you count the fact that he takes nude photos of me with his phone camera and shows them to our friends as ‘sexting’. Which I don’t. Lol.
I can’t believe I missed all of this. I was off having sex. Hehehe
To consider a person a sexual partner I have to have had penetrative sex with them if they are a man. By penetration, I mean PIV or PIA. For some reason I do not count a man that used his hands to bring me to orgasm in his car a few times, or a few guys I gave head to as sex partners. I also do not count a male friend that I mutually masturbated with but never had intercourse with. I also don’t count men I was in threesomes with with my girlfriend that had intercourse with her but not me, even if I facilitated or did other activities with these men. I also don’t count women I was in a threesome with that were straight. I count women if we have had oral sex. I’ve never had sexual activity with a woman that didn’t involve oral sex yet. (I think I would count a woman if we used toys or fisted, but not if we just used fingers. Weird.
I have never had bondage play or D/s stuff that didn’t involve sexual penetration. I don’t totally know why, because I know a lot of people that play and don’t have intercourse, but it’s just not how I roll. I would not engage in D/s, S/M or bondage with someone without there also being intercourse if they are a man or oral sex if they are a woman. It’s vexing, because it’s hard to find play partners then.
I do not count phone sex, computer sex, sexting, or even cam sex as a sexual partner, but I would count all of those as cheating if one of us were in a monogamous relationship or if one of us were in an open relationship and all parties didn’t know and okay it. I would count kissing, touching, fondling or sexual activity of any kind cheating if it was sneaky or dishonest. Pretty much any kind of sexual pleasure would be off limits to me as far as cheating. If everyone knows and is cool though.. have fun!
Intention matters a lot to me when it comes to “cheating” but less when it comes to sex. If I intended to have sex with guy but for some reason didn’t have intercourse, fisting or toys used I would not consider it sex, but it is cheating to me if it’s dishonest..
What role does one’s culture play in defining what is and is not sex? I have no idea. I suppose you’d have to ask them. To me, my culture is probably given from my divorced sexually promiscuous and often remarrying parents. I also got it from suburbia and school and church. I was a stoner in highschool and a non-conformist, and I’m imagining that has a bit to do with being a free-thinker.
To me having sex, fucking and making love are all possible in a variety of contexts. I kinda hate the term making love, but I will admit I’ve had sex for reasons beyond sexual pleasure and about connection and closeness and intimacy. It was a different level of sex or at least a different arena and I get that a lot of people call that making love, and that’s probably what it means to me but I hate that term. Fucking is both a style of sex to me and a reason for sex. I fuck in and out of relationships and all kinds of ways. It’s my preferred term. I think you can fuck people you love or people you just met and that fucking can be soft or hard, loving or distant. Sex is kinda synonymous with fucking to me.
Attractiveness might help me determine who I fuck or in what way, but it doesn’t have much to do with how I define what we are doing.
Role playing is awesome, but I have little experience with it. I’d like to change that.
Having Sex = Intercourse. Check. Except, for me, I only consider anal sex to be ‘having sex’ if I’m the one doing the penetrating (via strap-on, feeldoe, etc.), and pretty much, I have to be penetrating a man. Otherwise, your definition and mine are quite similar. 🙂
I, also, am particular about how I label ‘partners’. For me, the word ‘partner’ implies reciprocity. So my husband is *always* my partner, because we give and take, both immediately and over the long term. So if I give him a Mnum-Num at 2:00am, but don’t get anything in return, he is still my partner. However, if I was to have oral sex with another/different man, and there was *no* immediate reciprocal sexual attention, I would not consider that man to be a sexual partner. So reciprocation is a huge part of how I define sexual partnerships. Interestingly enough, I have had several sexual partners (people who have participated in reciprocal sexual activities with me, from light petting onward) with whom I have never ‘had sex’, because to me, ‘having sex’ means PIV intercourse.
Your D/s play parameters interest me. Does that mean bondage is cool with you as long as there is PIA/PIV penetration? What about spanking? Does ‘penetration’ mean intercourse-only (according to your definition of intercourse), or can it be penetration with toys? Do you ever engage in D/s or bondage play with women? If so, do your parameters change? Questions, questions… 😀
Cheating seems to be coming up a lot in regards to sexting, etc. Which leads to the question of integrity and intent in relationships. This is one that deserves some additional attention, I think.
I get what you’re saying about ‘making love’. As I told Nate, I only ‘make love’ with one person. And rarely, at that.
The attractiveness question came out of conversations I had (both on and off blog) with my friend Ganien, because his wife has different views about what constitutes ‘sex’ depending on how attractive she feels his other partners are. It was really interesting, because I think (1) it was more about ‘perceived threat’ than ‘attractiveness’, which brings up the issue of security and self-image, and (2) attractiveness is hugely subjective, both as an overall aesthetic and as a chemical reaction. There are times, for example, when (a) my husband will experience an intense physical/chemical attraction with a woman, and I’ll be like, “Um, whyyy…?”, or (b) I will tell him who I think is the most attractive woman in the room and he’ll get this surprised look on his face and be like, “Really? Um, I don’t get it…”
Role-play deserves its own set of questions, I think. I, for example, label the D/s interplay within my marital relationship as role play. We slip into (and out of, and between) roles, we play them out, we move on with our lives. BDSM activities can be fun, but neither of us is interested in a full-time D/s relationship, or in making BDSM a lifestyle. There are dozens of other types of role-play though, from cop/potential-arrestee to vore, and costumes ~ while fun! ~ are not required. 😉
To clarify the D/s stuff… I am okay with bondage, impact play, and needles if there is sex (ie penetration with men or oral sex/fisting/toys with women). I would not be okay with almost any kind of kink play if there wasn’t at least the plan to involve sexual activity. To me, D/s and kink stuff is a part of sex, but not sex itself. I am totally aware that a lot of people are perfectly happy with kink that doesn’t involve my definition of sex, and they should go have fun with that. I would only play with a person I would fuck, and yes, that includes women. 🙂
I reserve the right to comment on this when I am sober. (Meaning: tomorrow.)
Until then…
#5
Sex – mutual pleasure, in a physical sense. For the sensation and shared sensation with the partner(s) at the moment. To create and extend that sensation through culmination (whatever that means – subjective).
Fucking – personal pleasure, in a physical sense. To heighten the experience of life in the moment, without regard for the physical and emotional state of the partner(s) of the moment; without commitment beyond (perhaps) fondness, recollection or shared experience (i.e. physical partner).
Making love: personal experience (different from pleasure, mind you) transcending the personal heights but increased by both partners feeling similar emotional and physical response to the other person(s) in the coupling, leading to a blissful or increased level of excitement, arousal, or joining experience outside the individual – more than one being a multiplier, emotionally and (hypothetically) physically.
I reserve the right to respond to your comment(s) when you are sober.
Meanwhile…
I’m gonna go look for a blissful increased level of excitement.
And, possibly, snack on some pizza rolls.
Or something. 😉
Fucking hell, how did you know I bought pizza rolls today? Or am I that obvious? 😉
Or… (dot dot dot) you are eerily attuned to peeps of my (low) class stature.
Either way, you have made me smile and unsettled me today. 😉
I can’t speak to your stature (I’m 5’6″, myself), Captain Obvious, but pizza rolls are totally classy, dude. So *of course* you bought some today. I did too! Didn’t everybody…? 😉
Breaking these down into separate parts because I ramble a hell of a lot…
I’m not sure if I can define if intention clarifies my definitions of sex. Intention on my part or other party’s intention? As a subjective thing, I think intention is definitely in the mind and purpose of the individual. Take as an example, someone who gets off on flashing other people. Like, orgasmically or close enough that it counts. The intention is there for that individual, but almost surely not for the flashee, no?
As far as consent… that requires a more complete mutual definition of consent. Consent can be granted definitely for non-consensual sex. So does that include or does it negate consent there? And it touches on real rape – is that categorized as actual sex, since it can (often) include various forms of physical intercourse. I think, excepting that*, there’s some requirement of consent, else it turns from sex to rape, no?
Now, how closely that consent needs to be defined… that depends on the pre-existing dynamic between the parties, previous experiences together, and mutual understanding.
Intention seems to come up a lot when people talk about cheating, particularly with online sexual flirtations. Also, intention is a word people use in how they define whether or not their activity is ‘sex’ (or ‘having sex’) with other(s). If, for example, my partner’s *intention* is to give me an orgasm (or six), I classify our interaction differently than more one-sided encounters (i.e., I gave him oral sex and he got off, but I got nothing in return).
There is also, of course, interpretation of intent, which is where ~ to go along with your flasher scenario ~ the intent of the flasher is to expose himself to an unwitting audience for the purpose of sexual gratification. The flashee, however, may *interpret* that intent as “This guy is trying to creep me out,” or something much more frightening, like “Oh my God, this guy is gonna rape me!”
Which is a nice segue to consent, yes?
:: pats self on the back ::
What ‘consent’ means must be mutually understood between all participants, I think. How consent is given (implied vs express, etc) must be negotiated between partners.
And in the D/s dynamic, “non-consentual” sexual activity MUST be consented to (and I’d recommend the agreement take place in writing!) BEFORE it takes place. I don’t kink to forced sex, but I get that some people do. However, if there isn’t pre-arranged rules of acceptance, it’s a no-go. (And with mutual agreement/understanding/acceptance, safe words are STILL a necessary precaution.)
In any other (non-D/s) situation, sex without consent ~ according to my own personal philosophy ~ is rape.
And rape is something I absolutely DO NOT condone under ANY circumstances.
I think it comes down to how people define ‘cheating’ within their own relationship dynamic. I, for one, can do pretty much anything I want with pretty much anyone I want, provided my spouse is aware of what I’m doing. So I can have text sex with a friend, and neither of us considers that to be cheating. On the other hand, there are women who think it’s ‘cheating’ if their husbands so much as look at another woman or show even a flicker of recognition that the woman he’s looking at is attractive. So cheating is relative. Therefore, ‘intent’ ~ in regards to ‘cheating’ ~ is also relative. If that makes sense.
I think cheating is gonna have to be discussed eventually. You obviously like this question business…maybe you should take that one! 😀 If not, maybe the Monkey (click that link at your own risk, Dave ~ questions, questions, and more questions!) will be up for it…
The master/slave mindset is one I do not pretend to even remotely understand. So I get where you’re going with your hypothetical Gor situation there, but at the same time: When does it become abuse? (And it does become abuse, more often than people would like to admit, and not only via Gor.) And you really don’t want to get me started on chattel… Or on people who condone rape… *shudder*
Moving on.
How do you define kinky?
Crap, did I ever screw up the formatting there… ugh. If you wanna fix it, I owe you. 😉
Another part for tonight. 😉
As far as emotion, absolutely. Or, perhaps, a better way of saying it is lack of positive emotion can/will negate sex or making love, for me. But, positive emotion can be applied to all three. One very memorable personal experience was a day that included all three (with the same person) and it was just fine.
Now, as I get older (perhaps it’s maturity, perhaps it’s other things) I find that I’m actively uninterested in having sex with/fucking someone I have no emotional investment in. To the level where I can’t envision pursuing or agreeing to it, because it’s simply biological imperative that I have no connection to needing, beyond the level of needing other biological imperatives – taking a crap or eating food. Breathing. Sleeping. Etc.
As far as attractiveness, absolutely. However, that attractiveness isn’t mostly defined by physical attractiveness. Much, much more emotional connection, intelligence, understanding, and cerebral shit like that. There are women able to fill me with raw lust, single-minded need, with just looking at me or saying things. Or even other forms of communication beyond verbal.
Part of this is my developed awareness of the absolute fuckin’ fact that everyone ages and what’s physically attractive today will eventually be withered. And I can definitely be attracted to a woman who is aging naturally – I’d prefer that than the denial of fighting the aging process (well, I mean to an insane/obsessive degree – the type of crazy that shows severe insecurity with their person or personality).
I’m with you on the ‘positive emotion’ thing. I can’t personally have emotion-less sex. But ’emotion’ doesn’t mean ‘undying love’; for me, it means I feel *something* for my partner, anywhere from general warm friendly feelings to full-on, I-want-to-absorb-you-into-my-soul luuuuurv.
“…emotional connection, intelligence, understanding, and cerebral shit like that.”
I should do something really mean, like make you define ‘cerebral shit’. 😛
I love it when people are comfortable and confident enough in themselves to allow their bodies to age naturally. I used to think Reba McEntire was one of those people. I was *devastated* when she had her entire face reconstructed. Why?!? OMG! She was beautiful! Now she’s plastic. 🙁
Sad… Very sad Feve…
Definitely, I agree. I want to feel affection, connection and friendship as a pure baseline and going to heights above that is bonus, but not always required. By connection I mean something beyond “ur hawt, lets fuck” – something that requires some degree of growth which ain’t gonna happen without sleeping on it, for me.
Bah. I was wondering if you were gonna call me on that. 😛
Okay, I’ll play that game, heh. Hmmm. Cerebral shit beyond emotional connection, intelligence, and understanding. Affinity, perhaps empathy; definitely rapport fits there. Intangibles primarily that evoke a feeling or emotional connection (generally positive, but not 100% of the time). Even grudge fucks can fit, in the right context.
Define ‘grudge fuck’.
Short version without careful consideration:
Grudge fuck: selfish, hard, angry sex to feel as sense of punishing the partner or exorcising resentment, unsolved issues, or feeling the need for revenge – either towards the partner or vicariously.
I’ve never had a grudge fuck then. It sounds… Unpleasant.
Ahhh, what the hell… how about a third one tonight? 😉
(9) Nope. I can’t take it seriously. My offbeat sense of humor intrudes when in that situation and every single time I haven’t been able to shut the fuck up before the moment is completely ruined (or I’ve gotten kicked in the nuts – kinda ruins the moment too, eh?) Except… once and that was a very unique situation that wasn’t standard in any way. Could it happen again? Almost surely not, but that doesn’t mean definitely not.
Plus, it kinda ties to my view/disinterest of strippers. If I wanna have sex/fuck/make love/tease/be teased by someone, I want her, not pretending to be someone or something else, or a blank canvass for me to project anyone or anything else. If that/who was what I wanted, why wouldn’t I just seek that out?
(10) Heh. Nope. She definitely fueled some adolescent desires but I never wanted to be her. Beyond the whole curiosity of wondering what it’d be like to have woman parts (I’d never leave the house if I could swap for a while…)
(*) Hell yes. More, more, more… fuel my brain. Yes. 😉
Here’s some Dave-input for future use or discarding:
(a) Does attraction always lead to sexual interest? Whether active, passive, or repressed.
(b) Would you swap genders temporarily? If so, why and what would be interesting about it?
(c) How has your personal view changed/increased/etc about sex as you’ve grown older? Do you understand the changes and did you expect them when you were younger?
Ps. Ass is just as good as boobs. 😉
I find myself curious as to how you define D/s. I realize that for some people, BDSM activities encompass a whole lifestyle. But for us (‘us’ meaning ‘Smotch and Feve’), D/s is role play. So role play doesn’t have to be pirate-ravishes-virginal-maiden, complete with costumes and props. It can be other stuff too. And I really, really, reallyreallyreally wanna know what you *didn’t* laugh at… 😉
I love these question extensions! And I would totally swap genders temporarily. 😀 There’s a REASON I want a Feeldoe, ya know! 😛
I’ve been meaning to post about this for a while. What the hell, I’ll respond and perhaps it’ll grow organically into a post back home. 😉
(Disclaimer: my experience in BDSM, etc. is rather limited experience-wise.)
For me, how I define D/s is a state, not a lifestyle. As you kinda sorta have figured out, mental/emotional everything trumps physical for me – and increases more each year. With that in mind, the props and trappings are distracting and seem almost like… barriers… to me. Feelings, actions, and words are very important.
So, rather than getting something from putting a collar on someone, I’m much more invested in the dynamic by deliberate choice of action (or not taking certain action) or very serious investment in words.
Hmmmmm. I’m not sure I’m being complete enough to explain it properly. Perhaps I need to let the subconscious percolate it. In other words, I’ll expand in a post. 😉
I’ll tell ya about it, but not here. I’ll email it once I’m done with this response. How’s that? 😀
Yay for email! 😀
But make sure your intentions are clear; wouldn’t want it to lead to a ‘grudge fuck’ (still waiting for you to define that one, Dave) or any other sort of fucking unpleasantries with your spouse. 😉
Pingback: I’ve been told I give good head. | Temperature's Rising
Pingback: Intellectual Intercourse and Conversational Cumfuckery | Temperature's Rising
Pingback: Let’s Talk About Sex: Who is a Sex (ual) Partner | Speaking Out on Nate
Jane Jetson ….. ok, now I got ideas.
Haha! Join the club. 😛 This is my second most popular post (based on views), so I’m guessing *a lot* of people have “ideas” – the kind they type into a search engine, even. 😉
I wonder why cartoon character porn seems so sexy ?????? 😀
😀 I still don’t get that hashtag, tho. 😀
Is it sexy? I dunno… It’s definitely of interest though. I have Flintstones and Velma and Cyndy Bear posted up elsewhere on this site, but oddly, nobody goes looking for any of those. So maybe Lady Jane is special somehow? Or, speshul.
I don’t hashtags at all. Ever. So I make them up to amuse myself.
#because-I-can
Try that one. 😛
Cyndy Bear? I gotta find that one. 😀
😀 O I C 😀
#yougotmewiththatone 😛