Naughty or Nice

Inspired by Exhibit A’s Christmas Erotica Prompt

(for which I didn’t exactly follow the rules)
(I know, I know: SHOCKER)

♦

There’s something about Christmas…

I’m not sure what it is, exactly.  But it sure does bring out the naughty in people.  In the nicest ways.  Heh.

What’s that?  Who am I, you ask?

Oh.  Well, my name is Melvin.  And my job is to to report to The Fat Man.  The Man In Red.  You know the one.

Every year, he wants to know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.  I know the song says he sees you when you’re sleeping, but really it’s me who sees you when you’re sleeping.  And when you’re supposed to be sleeping but you’re not.  That’s me.  Me, and a bunch of my brothers.

Not brothers, brothers.  No, no.  I mean ‘brothers’ like union brothers.  I’m president of our local chapter, so my fellow Behavior Reporters let me know what’s what with whom, and I compile the info for the Big Guy and report in on the night before the night before Christmas.

Hmmm?  What kind of info?

Oh.  Well, mostly I feed Santa (not like that – that’s Mrs. Claus’ kink so I don’t mess around with actual feeding, no no no) the tidbits he needs to know to help him determine who makes the Naughty List and who gets checked off under ‘Nice’.  But sometimes it’s a tough call.  Because the Naughty and Nice are not mutually exclusive concepts.

Take Mrs Fever, for instance.  Is she naughty?  Or is she nice?

On the one hand…  Well, let’s just say she’s done some very naughty things since I started watching her.  Like the time she fucked two men and had four orgasms for herself, while they had zero between them.  Or the time she…

Mm?  Oh.  I suppose you’re right.  It’s not polite to dredge up all those naughty things.

But she’s done some nice things too.  Like, she didn’t freak out that one time when her husband came in her ass.

Except…  Well, that particular deed didn’t exactly go unpunished, and also it was around the holidays which means she might have been *aware* she was under surveillance and adjusted her behavior accordingly sooo…

I guess it balances out?  I mean, he enjoyed himself.  But then again, he’s been known to enjoy himself rather extensively regardless of what she’s doing to him.  So it’s not like I can really use his responses to determine her naughtiness quotient.

Or what about the time she had that screaming orgasm?  I mean, her partner was smiling so I can only assume it was nice.  Veeeerrrrrrry nice.  But I have to take into consideration the fact that nobody can have an orgasm like that without being at least a little bit naughty.  I mean, am I right or am I right?

But then the next time she saw that guy, she tried to drown him.

It’s not as bad as it sounds, really.

Really!

But still…  It goes on the tally.

This year she’s been pretty nice, I think.  I mean, that’s just my opinion.  Ultimately, it’ll be up to the Reindeer Sleigh-er to decide.  I just have to present the facts.

What’s that?  Me, a voyeur?  No, no.  Nothing so simple.

I mean, sure I like the glimpses I get now and then.  I mean…  I’ve been Feve’s Behavior Monitor Reporter for a few years now and I’ve certainly gotten my share of glimpses.  Believe me, I keep a close eye on her.  I mean, the woman runs around naked half the time – wouldn’t you do the same in my shoes?  Not that you would wear my shoes.  The Fevers’ cat would though.  He kinks to that.

Hmmm?  Pervert, you say?!  What do you mean, calling me a pervert?!?  I’m not a pervert!  I’m a behaviorist.  A well respected one!  Didn’t I introduce myself at the beginning?

Ohhh…  Oh, I see.  You missed my name, eh?

Let’s try the introductions again, eh?

I’m an Elf.  Specifically, I am an Elf On A Shelf.  My name is Melvin Ebeneezer Aloicious Rosenburg the Fourth.  Perhaps you’ve heard of me…