Blogging
In recent months, I’ve been taking stock of a lot of things.
- Several deaths in my family, in rapid succession – and the associated distance and resultant travel requirements – have me rethinking my choice of geographic location.
- New concerns about my husband’s health on top of already-critical medical conditions, have me reconsidering how we structure our physical activities (yes — this includes sex).
- Mounting expenses and rapidly-rising cost of living balanced against practical needs and relationship priorities, have me juggling an intense work schedule and exhausting myself while trying to remain engaged and keep up.
I have been – in a word – stressed.
One of the things I do to alleviate stress is to write.
Writing for this blog is an outlet for me. Sometimes silly, occasionally reflective, often cathartic, the process of writing (or editing/formatting, where visuals are concerned) blog posts allows me to engage with myself in a creative, introspective way while also providing a safe space for putting my creations out into the world.
The Sex Blogging Community: Memes
The sex blogging community hosts several memes that I’ve participated in over the past couple years, and sometimes the prompts provided by the meme organizer{s} are an impetus: for offering an outside-the-box point of view, for telling sexy stories, and for ‘putting myself out there’ in ways that I mightn’t otherwise.
Overall, it has been a positive experience.
On a personal level, it’s meant I’ve been encouraged to write about activities that I know other people are likely to judge negatively, share experiences about which I know other people tend to be curious, explore imperfect truths about my relationships, and memorialize sweet moments between me and my partner{s} that may otherwise go unsaid (or – worse – become forgotten). I’ve even stretched my fiction-writing muscles a bit. But one of the biggest things writing for prompts does is that it provides an outlet for writing sometimes difficult things, and – by doing so – inviting my readers ‘in’.
On a readership-participation level…
The impact{s} on blog interaction{s} is/are tough to discern. I have found it difficult to identify consistent patterns, but overall I can say that {1} people who visit the prompt sites will click through and read what I’ve written (the amount of people varies depending on the prompt topic and – presumably – the enticing-ness of my post title and/or accompanying thumbnail photo), {2} a handful of fellow prompt participants will ‘Like’ or leave comments (more on that in a moment), and {3} the host of each respective prompt always comments on what I’ve written.
Re: {1} ~ I appreciate it when people take the time to read what I’ve written, whether it’s one person or 100. So whether you click in to read something I’ve written because you found it on a meme site, or you click through from your reader, or you check my posts via email if/when you have the time: Thank you. Reading takes time, and I appreciate your time.
Re: {2} ~ Just as reading takes time, so too does commenting. I respect that, and I appreciate it when people leave comments.
ASIDE: It is sometimes hard for me to know what to do with comments that are… for lack of a better term… un-engaging. I have a ‘Like’ button on my posts. It baffles me that people will choose NOT to hit that button, but will instead leave me a comment that says “Nice post.” It leaves me feeling like, Uhmmm… That’s kinda what the ‘Like’ button is for. Did you have something to add?
*nodnodnod*
I know some of my fellow bloggers will get this. Cruise-thru drive-by ‘interacting’ – in the form of “Nice!” or “Sexy!” or “Great post!” – doesn’t feel like interaction at all. I can – and do – say “thank you” to those kinds of comments, but unless there is a volley that I can lob back, my comments sections starts to feel like one of those endless (and completely useless) conversations about the weather that perfect strangers are constantly having in grocery stores. So, yes: I like it when people comment. I especially like it when people leave engaging comments. 🙂
Re: {3} ~ The hosts of each sex blogging meme I’ve joined have always left meaningful, engaging comments. Whether it’s about the writing itself, the event being written about, the style/perspective/genre of writing, or an emotional/intellectual response to what they’ve read: the hosts of each meme show genuine interest in the contributions of everyone who participates, and I really appreciate that.
A Personal Blogging Challenge: FebPhotoFest
Because of the positive experiences I’ve had with meme participation in the sex blogging community, I decided, in February, to join in a month-long photo blogging project for sex bloggers. The point being to post a photo – a sexy photo, with the definition of ‘sexy’ somewhat open to interpretation – daily for 28 days.
FebPhotoFest was a challenge.
But I started prepping for it early (culling the first round of photos in December), and even though it was a bit exhausting in terms of a posting and blog-visiting schedule, I felt it was a success. My regular blog audience was fairly engaged, the other project participants were supportive, the host (Molly Moore) was organized and encouraging and genuinely interested in what everyone was doing.
Because of my (self-determined) “success” (and ‘success’ in the context of What does it mean to have a successful sex blog? is something that deserves its own post — more on that another time) with such an intensive posting schedule in February, I thought to myself, Self… (I occasionally talk to myself thusly), Maybe – just maaaybeee – you should try the A to Z Blogging Challenge in April.
And so I did.
Here’s what I learned…
The A to Z Blogging Challenge
For those of you who are unfamiliar: The A to Z Blogging Challenge is a challenge that is open to the greater blogging community as a whole, and requires participants to post 26 times (working alphabetically from A to Z, obviously) in 30 days. You can sign up on the master list in March and/or post your direct links to by-the-letter lists that open at specific times in April during/throughout the challenge. (I did both.) Other than being required to indicate whether your blog contains adult content and avoiding the promotion or advertisement of illegal activities, there are no particular rules for the challenge beyond “Write one post for every letter of the alphabet.”
So that’s what I did.
It was a bit of an experiment, really. And it turned out about how I expected it to.
None of the below is meant to be negative; it is, however, a reality check. Read on if you’re interested. 🙂
Takeaways
[Keep in mind everything I said above about the memes and projects run by the sex blogging community.]
Since the A to Z Blogging Challenge is open to the entire blogging world, and because one would presume that the people participating (hundreds of people, by the way ~ I visited over 400 blogs during the month of April and left around 75 comments; many of which were either never approved or not responded to) would be interested/invested in what other participants were up to, it would be easy to believe that participating in the A to Z Challenge would cause an increase in blog traffic and – as a result – an increase in reader interaction and/or a greater sense of community.
NOPE.
That’s a big nope.
You know which one of my posts saw the most visits during April? The very first one. Which happened to fall on the first Sunday of the month, which is always prompt Sunday on the Sinful Sunday site, and which always draws the attention of regular Sinful Sunday participants.
You know what was in that post? Me, fully clothed, showing off my funky footwear.
Apparently, y’all are into my sartorial sass. 😉
You know who commented on that post? My regular readers, and all the regular Sinful Sunday folks.
You know who commented on all the rest of my posts throughout the month? All my regular commentors. (And a special shoutout to Chris and Michael, who showed up – and spoke up! – regularly. I appreciate you.)
I can count on two hands how many not-regular-readers and non-sex-bloggers (i.e., challenge participants) left comments during the challenge.
But you know what? I was not lacking for community.
My fellow sex bloggers were present. Marie, Missy, and Daylia participated in the challenge themselves and also visited regularly. Jz, who doesn’t blog about sex much anymore but who has had a varied and interesting sex life (and is open to reading about other people’s) visited and commented regularly. My fellow sex-blogging meme participants showed up every time I cross-posted, and they showed their love.
So. From the A to Z Blogging Challenge (and the greater blogging community who participated in the challenge), the biggest thing I learned was this:
The best blogging community is the sex blogging community.
To the hosts of the memes in which I participate (Molly Moore at Sinful Sunday and Kink of the Week, Kayla Lords at Masturbation Monday, and Marie Rebelle at Wicked Wednesday): Your organization and dedication is astounding. Thank you for doing what you do. The non-sex blogging world could learn a lot from you.
And to those of you – regular readers, engaging commentors, and supportive fellow bloggers – who continually make my sex{y} blogging experience the joy that it is: You are amazing.
You’re pretty amazing, too!
Kdaddy23 recently posted…Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Diversity
Awww, thank you. 😊
And thanks for being here. 🙂
I am a regular reader of yours, though not a frequent commentor. I don’t really like the meme challenges. They feel artificial to me. I’d much rather read what you come up with unaided by “assignments”. I also believe that the only real beneficiaries in terms of traffic are the organizers of such stuff.
I know. Why am I so wishy-washy. for me at least, the internal challenge is what I write to support. It’s often difficult to come up with a subject. Of course, that’s due to our self-imposed two posts a day.
In case you wonder, our challenge is to chronicle our journey through our power exchange. I find that reading my wife’s daily entry gives me insight into her thoughts and also informs me where I am acting out of wishful thinking instead of her reality.
We are stylistic polar opposites. I enjoy the verbal fireworks you send up. I enjoy your creative use of space on the page. I also like the glimpses you offer of your struggles and joys.
My two cents: I like your blog better when you are independently writing and no playing blogger games with Molly and others.
I think you and Mrs Lion have found a way to utilize your blog space in a way that works for you. Calling it a journal is apt. 🙂 It is both a chronicle and a communication tool, which seems to facilitate conversation between you.
I find it interesting that you consider the prompts artificial. Some of my most personal and heartfelt posts have come as a result of the ideas they’ve sparked, so I see them as a means to express thoughts, feelings, and ideas that I may not otherwise feel safe to share.
Nice post
…
…
…
Oh, look at the time. Gotta jet.
Tom Allen recently posted…Don’t touch anything
Whoa! You’ve got a JET?!? That’s awesome!
I saw your posts in April.
I was busy with my own challenge (poems; Yes, SOME of them were sexy!), and most importantly the shit show that is my life from time to time.
That’s how life goes.
But, like you, what I’m most interested with when I write is the interaction I get with my readers/the bloggers I read.
I used to comment much more regularly. I also used to write more regularly, and more often about sexy things.
Now that my blog is private, I don’t get half as many comments as I used to. Not even talking about traffic!
That’s life!
Sorry for your losses. Sorry for the stress, hope your husbands health improves again.
Thank you for writing.
And you’re right, the sex blogging community rocks! 😊
Poetry is challenging for me, both as a reader and a writer. It has to flow _just_ so, or it doesn’t work. And what ‘works’ is completely subjective, from one person to the next.
I think we all go through phases where we’re highly engaged – on our own blogs as well as on others’ – and interaction (or lack thereof) moves in cycles. As an introvert, I find the one-to-one communication via comments to be a plus. But even that… I have to really be in the correct mood/mindset for it. Even though 1:1 is usually energizing for me, it can be the opposite if the timing is wrong. When I’m stressed, I just want to hibernate.
Sitting in a govt office waiting to sort out a financial mess I am in.
Not currently posting on my own post- too exhausted from all the constant round of commentary plus trying to sort out my creative and kink life (such as it is).
Saw your post and had to respond. The only post in my reader I felt the need to read. I love and am challenged by your writing. Always. All ways. Thanks for everything Feve.
And I appreciate the personal challenges you mention at the start and send caring thoughts your way.
Regards Indigo
Thanks, Indie. For the encouraging words and the caring thoughts. I appreciate you taking the time to reach out even in the midst of your own muddle. <3
Everyone needs a break sometimes. Take all the time you need. Come back / check in, if and when it feels right to do so. In the mean time, take care of you. xoxo
Thanks. xoxo
Indigo Byrd recently posted…Temporary pause
Hey Indie, just an FYI: I left you a comment on your Wicked Wednesday post that seemed to publish but then disappeared. I’m not sure if it’s in your moderation file or if the internet ate it. (It was a bit meaty, and the ether is known to be a carnivorous beast…)
Feve: Sometimes I have to bounce my head off the computer screen a couple dozen times before I can come up with a cogent comment for ANYTHING, I’ll admit, but I very much hate it when I miss one of your posts. So, the occasional ‘ great write ‘ is a way for me to say “HEY I LOVE EVERY ONE OF YOUR POSTS”- but, I get what you mean about meaningful commentary, and will try to do better. (Don’t expect miracles, though… I’m just not that deep). 🙂
I love your comments, Chris! 🙂
I *do* find them meaningful, even when they are short, because even when you disagree with me, you always say something encouraging and positive.
Please don’t take my in-post musings about commentary as a personal criticism. I think we have a good rapport, and I enjoy bantering with you both here and on your own blog. xoxo
Feve: oh, no worries, thanks! I’m not figuring it was aimed at me in specific, but I really do get the principle you’re talking about. I know how brain-dead I am at commenting sometimes… we all are, I guess, at times, but you’re so right — our banter is wonderful fun and blogging would be a lot less enjoyable without you around !!! 🙂 🙂
First of all, I am sorry you are stressed due to all that is going on, and I know from my own experiences in the past 18-20 months how difficult it is to juggle everything. I wonder how I would have pulled through without the continued support of this wonderful community, the sex blogging community. Because you are right, this is the best community there is. I have now participated in the A-Z challenge for 5 years and if I remember correctly, only in the first year did someone ‘strange’ leave a comment on my blog. Not even the organizers of the A-Z made an effort to leave comments. I think for them it’s all about numbers and not about engaging. That’s the way it looks to me.
Thank you, Feve, for always writing thought-provoking posts. I am happy I discovered your blog some years ago 🙂
And, to answer to your thank you… you’re welcome. I love what I do. I love this community.
Rebel xox
Marie Rebelle recently posted…Een Zomerse File
Thanks, Marie. I can’t say the worst is over, but there has been a degree of closure on a few things, which has lessened the stress somewhat.
When dealt so many hard hits at once, I tend to go into zombie mode: everything feels dire but slow, and I become a machine. I can get through it all because there’s no other option, but in order to function I shut down; I operate on autopilot.
Part of ‘coming back’ is that I start to unthaw. As the ice melts, I become hyperaware of a lot of things, and that awareness is what led me to write this post.
As a general rule, I try not to be comparative. But the A to Z challenge really drove home some differences.
I had *one* visit from *one* of the five challenge organizers, and I had comments from a handful of participants (only after I left comments on their blogs). I think if things were smooth/easy in meat life right now, that barely-there interaction wouldn’t have phased me. But I am a pretty hardcore introvert and getting involved in anything ‘social’ (online or otherwise) takes a huge amount of energy for me, so to have expended so much of my non-existent reserve in order to *actively* seek community where there was none to be found…
It was exhausting.
I love the concept of an alphabetical challenge though, and I very much enjoyed the actual writing/creation process. I would consider doing it again, but would have to approach it differently.
Unless, of course, there was an A to Z challenge specifically for sex bloggers — then I’d be all in! 🙂
This is a great post about blogging and sex blogging in particular. I find our little community here supportive in times of need and find the prompts useful especially when I can’t think of anything to say but feel I want and need to. My experience of the A-Z challenge is like yours. I think I had one extra comment this year, and no real sign of an increase in traffic. I tried to keep things a little lighter and less kink related this time, but that just meant I was a bit random. Also the pressure of writing so much gave me little time to visit others and comment.
Sorry to hear about all of the stresses of life you are experiencing right now, and pleased that in some small way we who visit and read can help.
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I think everyone uses the prompts differently: for seeding ideas, for fiction inspiration, for a word or concept to weave into an existing story line, etc. I tend to use the writing prompts as either {1} a way to approach topics I am already interested in writing, or {2} a catalyst for completing/publishing drafts that haven’t otherwise felt ‘right’ to post. But no matter the reasoning or the approach, for me, participating in the sex blogging prompts in that way has brought about a feeling of belonging to a greater community.
I made the (incorrect) assumption that the A to Z challenge would foster a similar sense of community. That’s not quite how it worked.
I was glad for the impetus to write/post during the challenge, though. And – as I said to Marie, above – I like the concept of posting alphabetically. I just wish there was an A-Z challenge/meme for sex bloggers!
I have to admit, I get pretty ticked off by the people who won’t even publish my comments. OK, I’ve got a different kind of blog than you have and yeah, my blog’s name might be distasteful to many, but my comments aren’t uncouth or distasteful – and you DID sign up to participate in this thing. Get off your danged high horse and at least hit publish. Snub my comment, if you must, but publish it!
And yes, those two-word “great post” comments are for the birds, too. (Except, of course, when Tom writes them!) Although, going well out on the bitch limb here, those people generally write posts of a comparable level of interest as their comments, so perhaps they’re doing the best they can. (I’ll just stand still a moment here so the heavens can smite me with lightning…)
I will say that one of the years I did the challenge, I did find a supportive community feeling – but most years, no. I like A to Z but I do it for the challenge to my writing, not for any expectation of blogging gain.
So, yeah. You get a big AMEN! from me to all you said.
(Ummm, and a thank you for the mention!)
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Oy. Yes, the not-publishing thing got under my skin.
And we can forgive Tom for his two-word insights of brilliance. 😉
One of the biggest reasons I enjoy blogging is for the (accessible-to-introverted-me) community aspect. I think new/increased community probably manifests/exists for some people within the A to Z challenge; not for me though. But that’s okay. I’ve already found my tribe! 🙂
I loved reading your posts throughout the challenge — and I’m amazed that you stuck so succinctly to your theme!
Thanks for being here, and for being so supportive. I appreciate you! 🙂
Commenting can be difficult. I try to leave them, but have struggled with feeling like what I’ve said is repetitive. This community has been the most engaging especially when it comes to memes. Interacting with others especially on twitter has made it a lovely environment.
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I sometimes wonder if a “how-to” would be helpful for people. Meaningful feedback / engaging commentary is something many bloggers seem to want (on both sides of the writer/reader interaction), but also something many seem to struggle with.
Sorry for turning up late to this post. Firstly thank you for the compliments about my meme’s. I do work very hard on them and I believe in trying to make them a community project. I am glad that shows.
Secondly I joined in with the A-Z challenge a few years ago and vowed never to do it again. Not only was creating that content exhausting but there was absolutely no community engagement around it whatsoever. I spend ages commenting on different blogs from the list every day and in return I got pretty much nothing. The same in terms of traffic too. It didn’t seem to bring any increase in that at all. I know those are not the only reasons to do a project but they are definitely a big part of it for me.
Mollyx
Molly recently posted…Strip the sheets
Your hard work definitely shows. 🙂
I enjoyed the content-creation part of the challenge; I love words and I enjoy the writing process, so I utilized the challenge to that end. But a sense of community was definitely lacking.
Whoa!! So much here to comment on. First, I believe it’s my duty to comment on posts of bloggers I follow. That being said, I think I’ve reached some critical mass where keeping up is difficult. I am just reading posts from May 10th now. Still, today (May 18) I had surgery and will be home for a while with lots of down time so I will catch up soon (I hope).
Part of me really disliked the A-Z challenge because so many people I followed were a part of it and there were so many posts to read—and I fell behind—a selfish reason I know! But part of me really liked the challenge because of the different ways people approached it and the content which was inspiring and educational and just plain fun. Maybe I might do it one day when I retire and have oodles of time! Maybe not! lol
Thanks for the shout out! It’s always nice to be noticed. Like others of your “regulars” I’m sorry life has thrown so many difficulties at you recently. I know how rolling with the punches takes lots of energy. You’ve done an amazing job of it in my humble opinion. One of the things that comes out in this post is the health of your husband. I wish him healing and good health. When part of a healthy couple, all bumps can be met head on!
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Thanks. He has a chronic condition for which there is no cure. Treatment options, yes. So we treat. That part, I’m used to. It’s our normal.
But now something else has come up, something that interferes with current treatment and takes him out of the running for another – life-extending – option. It’s not about healing at this point, really. It’s about managing. And readjusting our normal. 🙂
I’ll have to think on your “commenting is my duty” statement a bit. ‘Obligation’ can be an anvil, hovering over one’s head; when it comes to blog interaction, I don’t ever want my readers to feel they are standing under such a crushing threat.
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