SEX WORK
I will state straight out that the term ‘sex work’ is one that bothers me. I find the sanitized language to be both overly generalized and engulfingly over-encompassing, while simultaneously painting a formulaic, unimaginative, and stereotypical picture of a PIV-for-money transaction.
There was a time in my life when I would have heard the term ‘sex worker’ and either {1} scoffed, in a “rose by any other name” kind of way (only replace ‘rose’ with ‘skunk’ and ‘skunk’ with ‘whore’ and you’ll get the gist), or {2} frozen, in that horrible fight-or-flight in-between kind of way, before scrambling to contact the (jaded, ineffectual) authorities in a flailing attempt at rescuing the victim(s).
And my guess is that, after reading the above paragraph, you have either {a} written me off as close-minded, or {b} are nodding along in agreement/approval.
As to {a}: My step-sister was a whore. As in, she prostituted herself – a la selling sex – for drugs and/or money, and when she got money for fucking, she used it to buy more drugs. All while, at best passively neglecting her children -or- at worst, actively participating in harming them.
Since caring for those children later fell to me, I will emphasize that as to {b}: While not all sex workers are themselves victims, victims of sex work – and victims of a society that turns its head to the existence of sex work – do exist.
Couple my step-sister experience with the fact that my biological father routinely had sex with prostitutes at parties and brought home STIs to my mother as a result during his coke-and-gambling phase, sprinkle with a combat-PTSD stepfather who chose more than once when I was a teenager to verbally go into graphic detail about some of his dealings with prostitutes while in Vietnam, shake vigorously with my work-related introduction to a young female victim of human trafficking, top with a sprig of antipathy toward pornography, and you would think the hangover from the resultant cocktail would be enough to poison me against all sex work for all time.
BUT
But “all sex work” is kind of a big, nebulous thing to figure out. Let alone to be 100% against. I mean, what is sex work anyway? Is it only prostitution? Prostitution fits, yes. But so do a number of other avocational titles. Cam sessioners, phone sex operators, BDSM pros, porn actors, erotic massage practitioners, call girls… These ‘job titles’ – for lack of a better word – fall under the umbrella of ‘sex work’ but each is quite different from the other, are they not?
What about sex therapists? Or people who make a living from writing sex-related educational materials or advice? Or the women who work in the sex toy shops? (I recognize that in some places, it may be men or agendered or non-binary folk instead of women who work in said shops. But in my personal experience, it’s always women.)
And what about the reasons? The reasons why people become sex workers, as well as the reasons why people choose to pay for said services? Or, for that matter, the reasons people become trafficking victims, forced to perform said services?
I find it frightening how easily people – including otherwise broad-minded and inclusive people – are willing to make sex work a black and white issue: As in, it’s either right or it’s wrong.
But real life doesn’t work like that.
And neither, quite frankly, does my mind.
So below I’ve linked to five different articles. I’m not going to explain my choices or expostulate my reasons or defend anyone’s position. I’m just going to list. And if you choose to click through, and afterward wish to share your point of view, the comment section below is open.
The following five articles discuss sex work, from varying perspectives, from people whose experiences are rooted in real life:
- Sex Work and Disability ~ Price of Intimacy: The Time I Hired a Sex Worker
- Intimacy and Aging ~ Hotel (part 1) & Hotel (part 2)
- No-PIV Pro BDSM ~ Inside the Life of a Dominatrix
- Communication & Cancellation ~ Turning Lemons into Lemonade
- Sex Workers who are Trafficking Victims ~ Shandra Woworuntu: My life as a sex-trafficking victim
Read. Contemplate.
And if you wish… (respectfully) Discuss.
Yeah, pretty vanilla/PC term that’s not all that precise given how one can work in sex-related areas that doesn’t involve actually having sex. If anything, it’s a PC way to say that prostitution, as a legitimate occupation, is doable despite the horror stories attached to the world’s oldest profession. What differentiates the girl working to pay for college and the one who does it to support a drug habit? Both things are seen as a necessity to each woman, that fairly easy way to make a buck so is it purpose or intent that matters or do we just look at women who sell their bodies as being a despicable thing to do? We hear much about six trafficking and other forms of forced prostitution… but what of those “workers” who aren’t forced and who really do like their job? Do we overlook this aspect and still label her a shameless slut or worse than that even though she’s not giving it away for free?
And does any of this negate the fact that a woman does have a marketable skill that requires no real formal education. I’ve never availed myself of such services but that doesn’t mean there aren’t men who do… or even men who want to provide the service and simply because in a time where getting a six-figure job ain’t easy or a given even for those qualified, there’s one “sure thing” – people want sex and are willing to pay for it.
Maybe, Mrs. Fever, some brilliant person needs to coin a new phrase or two in order to be more specific in what is exactly meant to be a sex worker? I don’t know but I’ve never liked the phrase myself but it’s more PC than calling someone a whore/prostitute…
One of the signs that a language is dying is the consistent loss of vocabulary within it over time. Language – a living, growing language – will continually acquire nuanced and descriptive terminology. English seems to be going the other direction, with blanket, sanitized catch phrases replacing thoughtful, precise semantics.
Thus, “sex work.”
As a language lover (as well as for other reasons), the term irritates me.
I think you’re right in that it sanitizes the negative connotations associated with the word ‘prostitute’; I also think, though, that it has the potential to be an umbrella term, encompassing a much more broad range of activities and avocations.
“Umbrella term” sounds about right; why bother to pay attention to the details when it’s easier to lump it all together under one ubiquitous and misleading word? Here’s a thought, though…
I recall reading something about this maybe three years ago when a female sex worker was advocating making sex for pay a legitimate occupation, complete with all the stuff any other legit job has and including protection of said workers from those who feel that when they pay for it, they can abuse the servicer in any way they damn well please. At the time, the author of the piece equated this… movement to the then efforts to decriminalize weed and make it into a legit business venture that locales can tax (and despite still being illegal under federal statutes) and in ways that Reno, NV, employs at the Chicken Ranch.
I wondered at that time if the author just might be onto something even though I had my doubts that legitimizing all forms of sex work would be widely accepted… but it could solve quite a few problems while creating others, like, how do you interview someone for a position to, um, service paying customers?
The argument to legalize prostitution is one that has been made in several places around the globe. As a business person, I understand the tax revenue argument — being self-employed, I pay a ridiculous amount of money to the government and I don’t make half as much in my job as what some sex work practitioners claim to earn in a session. So yes: Pay your share, please!
I’m not certain I understand how legalization of prostitution would reduce violence though. It’s a much-trotted-out argument for decriminalization, but I haven’t seen any research to support that theory; nor have I seen a logical “if~then~therefore” supporting framework given. I can understand the current lack of reporting on the part of sex workers when they experience abuse. There’s more to it than just “The cops won’t care” though. If selling sex becomes legal, why should the cops care any more than they do now? Or have any more manpower to provide assistance when called for? They can’t keep up with the reported crime rates as they currently exist; violence reported against sex workers would be no better/worse/different than domestic violence reporting, and the (in)effectiveness in de-escalating both would – at best – stay the same as current statistics indicate. At worst, both solve-rates would nosedive by 50% or more. (Talk to a city vice detective sometime. It’s enlightening.)
As to the ‘hiring qualified applicants’ question…
I suspect it would be a more successful venture for sex workers to be independent contractors. If it’s a “hiring for __________ position” it seems to me that the right to negotiate and/or to give/withdraw consent would be shaky at best; your manager can schedule you & tell you who/what to do, your hourly rate would be a tiny portion of what the house makes (consider all the minimum wage employees who work for million dollar retailers – same concept), and… I guess I just wonder how that’s any different than being run by a pimp? Whereas an independent contractor could choose to subcontract their services through agencies or only negotiate directly with clients, whichever they prefer. They could set their own rates, choose their own customers, and pick their own hours.
But then all of these surmisings are based on the premise that if all sex work was legitimized as a legal business, then all sex workers would legitimately follow the business laws as they apply to all other professions. Which is probably a naive assumption.
The paying-for-college cam girl might do exactly that.
The addict-cum-crack-whore?
…maybe not.
I don’t see how it would reduce violence, either – and the author of the article didn’t seem to have an answer for that; I,thinking that even if a local government modified their laws to protect these workers, there’s always some jamoke who believes no law applies to them.
Jamoke. 🙂
Love that word! 😉
Yes my man has the same feelings as you regarding the English language. It is one of his bugbears – if that is the correct phrase, that it is being left to die as the meaning of some words are completely downgraded or changed and the use of others is completely forgotten.
Language is dynamic; it *will* change over time. But when a language is continually losing more nuance than it is gaining, like English is, it generally means those changes are not for the better.
As soon as money is involved, sex becomes mundane to me, and I never want that.
I get it.
I’ve done sex work (multiple types) and dated sex workers, and I love the term sex work! Sex work is *hard work* that requires specific skills sets, and it’s a valid profession that a lot of sex workers choose not because they’re forced into it or because they have no other choice in life, but because it can be great fun, a wonderful creative outlet, and chance to network and improve skills, and a way to have a remarkably positive and therapeutic impact on people’s lives. To me, sex workers are people who interact (physically or verbally) with others in an overtly sexual way with the intention of arousal. Having spent a lot of time with empowered and vocal advocates for sex worker’s rights, I guess my POV of sex work skews positive; while I acknowledge that this is NOT a black and white issue, my personal experiences influence my opinions on this a lot! (For example, supporting decriminalization and railing against FOSTA-SESTA).
*a chance*
You’re right; it’s not a black and white issue. I can understand why your opinion, informed by your personal experiences, skews positive. And despite my own mostly negative experiences, I think there *are* positives to sex work. Some of which are well expostulated – by real people sharing their real-life experiences – in the links posted above. 🙂
I would be very interested to read more about your background – as you mention biological father and step-father – was it that your mum remarried?
Yes, my mom divorced then remarried. The former was for good reason; the latter… Let’s just say it’s a long story.
I used the term for the prompt as I wanted it to be an umbrella term and cover more then just ‘prostitution’ but include things like dancers, cam girls etc. It is definitely not a perfect work but I know for people who work in that industry it is one that they have adopted as feeling positive for them and as I have quite a few friends who are sex workers I wanted to make sure the prompt was respectful to those people for him this is their job.
Mollyx
I understand your reasoning.
Broad labels are always helpful to some and hurtful to others; it is the nature of the beast.
Jo commented that she likes the term. And given her perspective, that makes sense.
For others, that’s not the case.
I know someone who is a dancer. She is deeply offended that people consider her job to fall in the category of “sex work.” The victim I mentioned despises the term, because her (indentured) ‘services’ were marketed as such, and because she feels the sanitized language whitewashes her trauma in the eyes/ears of the public.