My muscles are tense — tiny balled knots knuckling up in punchy fists along either side of my spine and down the backs of my legs, contracted into achy filaments in my chest and upper arms, a mixture of tension and stress and good old-fashioned get-dirty body work taking its toll — and, presenting myself warm and clean and fresh from the shower, this is what I say.
“Give me rubs.”
He is delighted to do so. Obliging. Careful to know what *exactly* it is that I’m asking for (“Do you want me to give you an orgasm?” he asks. “No.”) and happy to provide the relief I seek.
It is a combination of things, various distressing stressors seating themselves inside my body, causing the palpable discomfort I need to release: the detritus of everyday, the cancelled plans of special days, the switch in work style and schedule cutting uncomfortably into the private spaces in my life, the the deep purpling bruise to my business that is visible and sore and black-and-blue in my budget as a result of the pandemic and its fallout.
So do I want an orgasm?
Combine all that with my menopausal ‘meh’ and the answer is a clear no.
But release…
Yes, I need release.
I want touch.
Not the from-a-distance air kisses or the as-I-leave-for-work elbow bumps that have replaced our daily kiss good-bye, not the drive-by butt grabs that punctuate our daily cross-path interactions, nor even the pat-pet tuck-ins of night-time sweet dream wishes.
And also not sexual.
I want touch.
Sweet and soft and gently massaging, sensual without sexual insistence, relaxing and calm and kneady.
“Give me rubs,” I say.
And he does.
Shushing strokes and light circular pressure massages, splay-fingered dig-muscle soothing C-hands, fingertip pull-up and palm press-down, he rubs baby oil over my torso and limbs. Quietly, gently, without expectation of touching me there — but knowing that, on his body, there is where *he* most wants to be touched, I smile as his erection strains inside his shorts, deciding that there is where I will focus my efforts on the massage he will receive in return – he gives me the pleasure of tension-release I seek.
And when he is through, I incite in him – willfully, teasingly, with my own massaging hands – a different kind of muscle ache…
…a tangible throbbing tension…
…followed by the pleasure of release.
Do I want sex right now? No.
Orgasms?
Pfffgh… Honestly? That’s a lot of work.
But touch…
Yes.
I want touch.
So the answer right now, when he asks, “What do you want?” is:
Give me rubs.
FUN !
It was. 🙂
Absolutely with you on all of this. You’ve termed it so succinctly “work style and schedule cutting uncomfortably into the private spaces in my life”. I hope your business/budget aren’t suffering too badly. Thanks for the inspirational writing.
I’m faring okay overall, all things considered. And I’m glad I’m still able to work. But it’s challenging.
Sometimes release is simply the being together, the gentle rubs, the attention. Give me rubs… yes, I think I would like that too at this moment 🙂
~ Marie
I just want to relax. I’m much more in a mindset of “soothe” than “sex.”
Just laying back and enjoying the attention of hands exploring muscles is such a great connection tool. With sex taken out of it there are no expectations or road map, just touch!
There is so much in this piece that I can relate to and you expressed it so effectively. The small things which keep our connection to another person are far more important than sex itself, although I do see them as being sexual and therefore part of ‘sex’ which for me, is not necessarily about an orgasm or about penetration. The deep need for a release really came across though and I think that at the moment lots of people are feeling the same.
Touch is a wonderful thing! Sometimes it’s all that’s needed and sometimes it leads to more. But always it’s just a really pleasant time.
Collaredmichael recently posted…Ups And Downs—May They Be in Bed!!
It *is* a wonderful thing.
It’s also a thing a lot of people are missing right now, given the “isolation” state of the world. So I definitely don’t take it for granted.
Sounds heavenly…..
cindirosebliss recently posted…Things I Can’t Live Without
I’m so right with you on so much of this. My libido is iffy at best, but touch…I rarely stop wanting that. Physical connection, cuddling, massage, snuggling. And yet, I feel guilty asking for it, needing it, getting it, when I know the type of touch he craves.
Love to touch and be touched. It may be non-orgasmic, but what is sex anyway? Pleasant reading. Ty.