Relaxxx… When You Want To Come

Does anyone else out there take their muscles into account when it comes to… come?

I’ve talked before about how I engage – specifically – my thigh muscles when I’m approaching orgasm. About how the tensing or forced relaxation of groups of muscles within my thighs can intensify or delay or elongate or force-fast an orgasm. About how focusing on that single area of my body, in terms of muscle groupings, can get me to (or help me ride along) (or force me over) the edge.

But what about other muscles in the body?

Do you use them – intentionally – when you come? Or to help you to not come (yet)?

I do.

To quote the lyrics from Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s controversial hit Relax:

Relax, don’t do it
When you want to go to it
Relax, don’t do it
When you want to come

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Relaxing my muscles used to be something I did to push myself along the edge, to ride it longer, to ‘hold’ that top-of-the-rollercoaster heart-drop just-before-tipping-over feeling. Back when my libido was more lively and my ability to orgasm was something that came (heh) easily*, I used to tense my muscles** first to help me find my edge and then switch gears and consciously relax those muscles —

sometimes all at once, which caused sort of a ‘heady’ high feeling from the whoosh of tension being released

and

sometimes one tiny undoing of tightness at a time

— to help me ride/keep my edge.

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Now, however…

Well.

I’ve already shared my menopausal masturbatory musings, but in addition to {1} giving myself permission to stop all together when it’s just not working for me and {2} slowing down to make it work for me, I should probably add as a caveat that {3} relaxing into it has begun to be a go-to technique for me.

Those of you who feel like you’re ‘chasing’ your orgasm will understand what I mean when I say you sometimes feel as though you can’t catch it.

When I’m feeling that way – and have decided to continue on (it’s okay to stop, remember!) – sometimes the best thing I can do is to consciously relax.

I say ‘consciously’ because relaxing – for me – does, indeed, require conscious effort. My natural instinct, from years of practice back when my body worked differently, is to tighten up more and more as I get closer and closer to orgasm. (There have been times when my knees are drawn up so high from my thigh muscles tensing that my heels are flush against the backs of my thighs and my back is bowed, the only parts of my body balancing on the floor being my shoulder blades and tailbone.)

I’ve also been known to hold my breath when I’m strung bow-tight like that.

So in order to undo those actions***, I first let out the breath I’ve been holding. Slooowwly… And then I send mental signals to my muscles with orders to un-tense.

And I find that when I do that — when I consciously, purposely relax the muscles in my body — while still continuing to massage my clit, the ‘chase’ ends.

Then, the ever-elusive rabbit of an orgasm I’ve been chasing stops darting and hiding ahead of my hunt, and instead hops (with pleasure) right back to me.

😉

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Do you engage your muscles – either to tighten or relax them – when you want to come?

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This post is part of the ENCORE! edition of my September Song Project. For more information or to play along yourself, please click the badge above.

Post title and quoted lyrics from Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s 1983 hit Relax.

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*It took time, sometimes, but it was still easy. In those days, I was never going to NOT get there.

**My thigh muscles, primarily, but also my chest and back muscles, my pecs and gluts, and sometimes even the muscle groups in my calves and feet…

***I’ve not yet learned how to just NOT tense to begin with.