I’m not sure where to start with this, really.

I mean…

Yes. My precious vagina had some action.

*laugh*

And I totally think it’s adorable that my spouse is all “Woo-hoo!” when he’s futzing around in my room while I’m at work and finds sex toys strewn across the bed.

But it’s also a bit…

: forehead THWAP! :

Because he’s totally like, Ooooh, she had an orgasm which must mean she’s feeling all sexy sexty schmexy and stuff!, when I’m totally not.

I tried to explain to him the… functionality(?)… of my most recent vibrator experiment. I used words first — I was relaxed, I’d just had a bath, it was more a matter of “I think this will be good for me” than “oh boy am I turned on by own bad self,” I pulled out the vibrator because my fingers felt like sandpaper, etc. — and he was still all like, “YOU HAD AN ORGASM! WOOT-WOO!”

(Yes, the enthusiasm was definitely of the ALL-CAPS variety.)

Then I tried using the vibrator on him – on his knuckle, to demonstrate how it worked on my clit – and in my best, most-pragmatic-approach-possible Sex Ed Teacher voice, I explained some more.

And he was like…

“…oh. So YOU HAD AN ORGASM! WOOT-WOO!”

And… Yes. Yes, I did.

— groooaaaan —

I haven’t used a vibrator in ages. I’m so… I dunno, un-libido’ed(?)… right now, that it doesn’t often occur to me to masturbate at all unless/until {1} I’m hella tired but too-awake and need to do *something* to lull myself to sleep, or {2} I have a nasty headache and need the kind of endorphin-flood relief that just.does.not.happen with 3000 mg of extra strength Tylenol.

Let alone does it occur to me to use my vibrator.

But one night this week I did exactly that. And it worked.

And later that night, when I woke up to go pee at 2:13 a.m. and wasn’t quite ready to go back to sleep when I crawled back under my covers… It worked again.

And the following night, as an experiment, with zero reasoning behind it, it worked again.

And this is… Well, I guess it’s good, right? I mean, orgasms generally feel pretty good. 🙂

But it’s also information.

Because menopause is a thing, and my non-interest in sex is A Thing, and the fact that when I *do* feel inclined toward some sexy activity nothing works the way it used to… Well, sometimes that feels like a Really Overwhelming and Unfair Thing.

So I’m trying to figure out how my body works now.

Which, in this instance, meant figuring out how to work my body.

I learned some things, of course. Primarily I learned that my body actually does work. Which was reassuring I guess. But I also learned that it works waaay differently than it used to, and that… Well. That I need a high buzz and not a pulse, a gentle press-and-stay-in-place as opposed to a pressurized rub or swirl, that it’s best to hold the flat edge against the opposite side of my clit than I’m used to. That I need to force my muscles to relax, to breathe slowly, to not _anticipate_ because those familiar clenching responses do not manifest the same way or mean the same thing they once did.

But mostly, I suppose, I learned that I HAD AN ORGASM! WOOT-WOO!

*laugh*

What did you learn this week, hmmm?